Babylon Bee: Church technicians admitted they had fabricated Peterson using advanced computer-generated imagery and state-of-the-art holopgraphic projection technology, incorporating personality and mannerisms of the most revered celebrity pastors to make sure the new CGI pastor was virtually flawless.
Babylon Bee: “My current working theory is that this digital landscape spontaneously created itself around 20 billion years ago, with no input from any kind of magic game designer in the sky,” he told a gathering of villagers in a coffee shop. “The evidence of order and tightly designed game mechanisms are merely random, chaotic patterns. Your lives are all meaningless.”
Babylon Bee: “While your delivery was just above adequate, your exegesis definitely leaves something to be desired,” wrote the man who had taken exactly two classes on the Bible in his life. “I’m also not sure if you’ve ever heard of this little thing called ‘hermanuetics,’ [sic] but you should probably look it up.”