Babylon Bee (satire): SOMEWHERE IN IRAQ—Stating that he “just doesn’t feel like [he’s] being fed” by the persecuted underground church he’s been attending for the past three years, local man Saleem Haddad reported Wednesday that he’s planning on trying out a competing church just 30 miles across a deadly patch of open desert that is covered with live explosives.
Babylon Bee (satire): After reading all the buzz about the recently released Logos 7 Bible Software and deciding he needed to get it in order to fully immerse himself in God’s word, Pastor Richard Fields of First Baptist Church took out a second loan on his modest home to foot the bill, sources reported Thursday
Babylon Bee (satire!): “Conventional scholarship has attributed the paper I wrote to me, sometime in 2011 CE. But approached critically, it’s evident another author wrote the paper I wrote and later attributed it to me in order for its controversial ideas to gain acceptance,” Burg wrote in a summary statement.
Babylon Bee (satire): When asked if, despite their softened message, the group still confirms that submitting to Islam is the only way to Allah, al Hassan refused to be pinned down.“We’re all on journey together, and maybe slaughtering infidels by the thousands is right to me—but is it right for you? That’s a question only you and Allah can answer together.”