How to Insult Your Pastor Creatively
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I have concluded that most church people are positive, encouraging, and supportive. Nonetheless, it generally takes at least ten encouraging things to offset one discouraging thing (this varies a lot with intensity).
The greatest discouragement most pastors face is from within the Kingdom. Jesus warned his disciples that they would have to bear insult because they belong to him (Matthew 5:11). What Jesus did not warn his disciples about is that Christians would insult fellow Christians, and particularly that Christians would insult or demoralize their leaders. I call these offenders the “ungracious ten per cent.”
Most insults are passive-aggressive—insinuation and inference. Here are some common insults—coupled with my subjective rating scale rating intent to insult.
1. All brain and no heart
“You should have been a scholar or seminary professor.”
Chance of being an insult: 67%
Some mean this as a compliment. Odds are this is a passive aggressive insult.
Interpretation: “You are not good at meeting people’s needs (or your teaching is not relevant to me); you belong with the egg heads.”
2. Preacher vs. Teacher insults
A. “You are more of a teacher than a preacher.”
Chance of being an insult: 70%
Negative Interpretation: “Your sermons are not practical (or challenging or inspiring) or they bore me.”
B. “You are more of a preacher than a teacher.”
Chance of being an insult: 70%
Interpretation: “Your sermons are too emotional and shallow in content and doctrine.”
One pastor friend chatted with two different men from his church in the same day, both of whom had set up appointments with him. One man informed the pastor he was leaving the church because the pastor’s preaching was too passionate, the other because it was not passionate enough.
3. Comparison to other pastors
A. “I love to listen to Pastor___________ on the radio. His messages really help me and motivate me to walk with the Lord.He’s the best!”
Chance of being an insult: 60%
B. “Pastor so and so (your predecessor perhaps) used to ______________, and God blessed our church more in his days.”
Chance of being an insult: 95%
C. “At my friend’s church, the pastor is involved in practically helping the community.”
Chance of being an insult: 95%
Interpretation: “You are inferior to the radio pastor or your predecessor or my friend’s pastor, so you should either leave so we can get a better pastor or work hard at imitating him.”
Many people do not realize how intensely insulting it is to suggest you surrender your personality and become a robot or actor who imitates another.
Could you imagine a pastor telling a member the following? “You should be like Mrs. Smith. She volunteers for every ministry, has a beautiful voice, never misses church, is always on time, tithes, and has never gossiped or complained.”
4. Implications of failure, and the pastor is to blame.
A. “People are saying that the church is declining or losing quality under your ministry.”
Chance of being an insult: 95%
Interpretation: “I believe the church is declining under your ministry and it is your fault.”
There are few insults more cowardly than the “people are saying” insult. Another variation is, “The church is growing numerically under your leadership, but people are saying the type of people we are drawing are shallow or odd.”
Sometimes baseball teams lose, not because they have a bad manager, but because they have bad players, or their players have been injured (unfortunate circumstances). The same can be true in a church.
B. “We need to the get the Holy Spirit’s power and passion back in our church.”
Chance of being an insult: 85%.
Interpretation: “You are not a Spirit-filled man or leader. You are leading the church downward because you don’t have the relation to the Holy Spirit that I do.”
A theological agenda or an attitude of superiority is often hidden in such statements.
C. “That church over there is growing leaps and bounds. Why can’t we?”
Chance of being an insult: 50% (might not be directed at the pastor)
This is not always an insult, sometimes simply the expression of frustration the person feels when comparing his church to another.
Negative Interpretation: “You are not in tune with God or are not diligent enough or a strong enough leader; if you were, our church would be growing numerically.”
The belief that bigger is better remains to be proven. By such a standard, Jesus was a major flop as a shepherd (John 6:66).
4. Bolder Insults
A. “Today’s sermon was better.”
Chance of being an insult: 99%
This is very different from saying, “I really enjoyed today’s sermon,” or “Better than usual.” In that case, the baseline might be “good” or at least “fair.” In the quotation above, the baseline is “poor.”
Interpretation: “Hallelujah—finally a decent sermon out of you. It wasn’t great, but better than your usual flop. Your sermons are typically poor.”
B. “I was just teasing. Can’t you take a joke?”
Chance of being an insult: 85%
Interpretation: “I am too cowardly to insult you directly, so I do it indirectly. If you are offended, I can escape responsibility by claiming it as a joke and put you in the hot seat instead of me, accusing you of being a poor sport.”
C. This is a generalized insult not directed toward the pastor (supposedly), but actually is so directed. “America has too many pastors who think they own their churches and won’t share authority.”
Chance of being an insult: 75%
Interpretation: “You are one of them and need to be reined in” (probably spoken from someone who has an agenda and actually needs to be reined in himself).
5. Family insults
These can be directed at the pastor’s wife or the pastor’s children. Nothing nastier than attacking a pastor through his family.
“The pastor’s wife in the church down the block volunteers for our club. She believes in getting out into the community.”
Chance of being an insult: 99%
Interpretation: “Your wife is a loser as a pastor’s wife. We own you and your family.”
6. Praising someone who has hurt the pastor badly
“That person (who hurt you badly) is really a great Christian guy who really cares about this church.”
Chance of being an insult: 50%
Sometimes a comment like this is based upon the misguided belief that talking kindly about someone who hurt you will help you to like him or her. People often fail to realize that this just rubs salt in the wounds.
Negative interpretation: “That guy is right and you are wrong. I’m with him.”
7. Broadcasting disagreement with the pastor
From the platform/microphone,“I know our pastor doesn’t’ believe in (getting emotional, healing prayer, the Holy Spirit, revival, etc.), but I see it this way.”
Chance of being an insult: 90%
Interpretation: “The pastor is defective in his thinking, theology, or practice. I want you all to know it.” There is a 10% chance the person is just incredibly ignorant.
8. Negative Assumption Insults
A. “I thought you might be willing to take on this or that, since you have the time.”
Chance of being an insult: 80%
Interpretation: “Pastors have little to do with lot of free time, unlike ‘we who work for a living.’” No other way to interpret this one. The truth is that most ministers have to switch hats so often and squeeze their schedules for an amazing amount of tasks. Flexibility of schedule, however, is a great benefit. But it doesn’t mean we work fewer hours (we don’t), and it certainly doesn’t mean we have less stress!
The reason I allowed for 20% otherwise is to make room for new believers or people who have never done much with the church.
B. “I know you wanted to get the funeral, but they wanted another minister to do it.”
Chance of being an insult: 50%
I have been insulted many times this way, mostly by people who do not know me and perhaps either are not involved in church nowadays or never were.
Negative Interpretation: “I know you ministers love the money from doing a few minutes work at a funeral.” Or, “I know you are in a competition with other ministers, and you lost this one, buddy.”
Positive Interpretation: “I don’t want you to feel rejected or unappreciated because I know you cared about that person.”
Most ministers have a holy jealousy for their flock, but they do not stand ready to pounce on an opportunity to officiate a funeral to pick up an honorarium, as cynics believe.
Conclusion
In this world of ours, insulting and being insulted is part of life. We all must develop a thick skin, but even thick skins can be pierced and feel pain.We all slip up, but we must heed the Scriptures, which tell us to “show perfect courtesy toward all people” (ESV, Titus 3:2).
Pastors deserve the same courtesies we show to other people, and perhaps a little more: “respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you” (1 Thess. 5:12). The good news is that the overwhelming majority of believers treat their pastors with great compassion and respect. The bad news is that some do not.
Ed Vasicek Bio
Ed Vasicek was raised as a Roman Catholic but, during high school, Cicero (IL) Bible Church reached out to him, and he received Jesus Christ as his Savior by faith alone. Ed earned his BA at Moody Bible Institute and served as pastor for many years at Highland Park Church, where he is now pastor emeritus. Ed and his wife, Marylu, have two adult children. Ed has published over 1,000 columns for the opinion page of the Kokomo Tribune, published articles in Pulpit Helps magazine, and posted many papers which are available at edvasicek.com. Ed has also published the The Midrash Key and The Amazing Doctrines of Paul As Midrash: The Jewish Roots and Old Testament Sources for Paul's Teachings.
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…but I can see bivocational working both ways. Sure, your pastor may be braver because he’s not going to be eating Ramen after losing a fight with the head deacon, and it’s also worth noting that many parishioners may respect a pastor better if he knows a trade besides that of pastoring. On the flip side, other parishioners may respect that same pastor less because they assume that because he’s not “full time”, he’s not a “real” pastor—yes, let’s ignore the fact the congregation examined him and voted for him and all that.
I’m thinking it all comes down to whether the pastor and congregation both know what is really important in terms of theology, including Biblical conflict resolution. Something to note in addition is I am (sorry) especially cynical about small churches, as decades of poor pay and the “beggars can’t be choosers” attitude has inflicted a series of poor “pastors” on a lot of churches. That, in turn, keeps the congregation in a state of spiritual infancy or worse. You can hardly design a nastier situation for a young pastor, in my view.
Yup, call me cynical. It’s fair. Prove me wrong, I’ll be grateful.
Second note: point well taken, Ed. I would simply suggest that “people are unreasonable” is one big reason we cannot get along. Same thing with personal foibles, etc.. And for the person who thinks “logic is on my side”, well, logic starts from premises…which may be true or false, no? It’s still a place to start from, even if we might find that some just constitutionally cannot get along—that that kind “only come out through prayer and fasting” or such.
Aspiring to be a stick in the mud.
One disservice that we do in regards to training pastors is not providing training around management skills. We train a pastor in teaching, then we throw them into a 200-300 person congregation and they are really not equipped to manage the “people” situation that comes with this. In addition, you have too many pastors worried about who is threatening their authority. The best leaders are those who can influence others despite opposition. It is also hiring and training others and recognizing those that have certain skills. I have seen too many pastors create situations or been an accidental initiator of situations because they didn’t really know any better.
I have seen non-pastors paranoid about pastors exercising any authority at all!
This thread started with ways people passively attack pastors. Most of the opposition is preaching and teaching style, along with program leadership. ALL TOO MANY PEOPLE think it is the pastor’s job to keep you awake, or interested in the sermon, or to get you to show up at some meeting.
Today I met with our small pastor prayer group (only 3 of us made it — all old war horses); one thing we all agreed upon was that preaching is the “treat” of the ministry. It is what we live for. And when you see lives changes, people helped, or people coming to know the Lord or advancing in the Lord, it can be downright invigorating. We also find great fulfillment in being there for people and tending the sheep.
Generally speaking, there is more positive than negative in the ministry. Young men starting out will get their taste of the good, the bad, and the ugly. But none of us knows how much of each.
When I write a poll, a lot of commentary begins with “It depends.” The same is very true in ministry. I have been blessed to have been a pastor for 37 years, 4.5 years in a small storefront church in the city of Chicago, and going on 33 years in Kokomo. Most of those years have been good. Some of them have been horrible and I barely kept out of major depression. There have been more blessings than aggravations. Whereas we don’t want to downplay the aggravations (as some people do), because those aggravations (and sometimes major abuses) have driven many out of ministry — we don’t want to forget the blessings and the privileges of ministry.
My life has been a rich one, albeit at times emotionally painful. I sympathize with those who did not survive the meat-grinder experiences. But even those of you have been in pastoral ministry for a few years have probably altered some lives for the Kingdom.
In my experience, it has been tremendously helpful to hang out with other pastors so that we can better distinguish the nonsense that comes from human sin in contrast to the problems that come from our own shortcomings. Part of the purpose of this article was to do just that. As one of you said, “I have heard each kind of insult.” Just knowing that this is typical is helpful, and it helps to know that it is not just you (misery loves company). What hasn’t come out in our discussion is the self-doubt and self-castigation common to those in the ministry. Most of us find it TOO easy to believe that maybe we are the problem (egomaniacs exempted). When we see that these criticisms are common to human nature/the nature of churches, we can focus upon what God is calling us to do instead of being manipulated.
"The Midrash Detective"
I am not a pastor and I don’t know all your situations or the ministries that you all are/were involved in, but I sometimes sense an emotional and trust divide between the pastor and their congregation. Pastors open up more to their friends in their “network” or “conferences” than their own flock, the people they minister with daily. I sense that if a pastor is suffering from near depression over certain events, he can not share it with them. This is sad because it is the congregation that may be best at helping. If the congregation is more a part of the pastors’ life, they have a vested interest in him and are willing to stick by and work with him. I know that’s all ministry utopia talk, but probably how it should be.
Barry wrote:
This is sad because it is the congregation that may be best at helping. If the congregation is more a part of the pastors’ life, they have a vested interest in him and are willing to stick by and work with him. I know that’s all ministry utopia talk, but probably how it should be.
I appreciate the fact that you began your comment admitting you don’t know the situations. There are many things that look good on paper, but do not work in reality. The church is made up of sinful people whose hearts are deceitful and desperately wicked. At conversion, God the Spirit gives them a new set of inclinations, but the old sinful nature remains for now as well.
TWO TRACKS: The “normal” us and the “conflicted” us.
When there is a conflict, many Christians no longer believe in fighting fair, and the law of love gets tossed out the window for loyalties, esp. family loyalties. There are two sets of ethics: “normal” ethics and “conflict” ethics. They are often far apart, and people can get insidious, bitter and nasty — often without a hint of trying to be fair. Fortunately, not everyone is this way. Pastors who have confided too much int their congregations often live to regret it. Unless you see someone in the midst of nasty conflict, you really don’t know them. You know one version of them only.
The church should not have hypocrites, but it does. Christians should love Jesus more than even closest family, but, when given the choice, most Christians rationalize. Pastors, more than most people, grapple with the realities of life and human nature. And it ain’t a pretty picture some of the time.
"The Midrash Detective"
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