How to Manage a Constant Complainer in the Church
“Sometimes, a complaint is warranted and can help to identify problems. Additionally, everyone needs to vent from time to time. But many churches have at least one person who complains about everything.” - Church Answers
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Some good practical advice here, but what’s at the root of a negative, complaining spirit? This person needs help finding joy—which means they need help finding thankfulness—which means they need help finding humility.
Some strong, well communicated theology on sin, grace, thankfulness, and joy would benefit the whole congregation and might help the complainer begin to grow also. (“Well communicated” needs to include down-to-earth, real every day struggles we all have with thinking we deserve better or are better than others, thinking we’ve suffered more than others, thinking we’re entitled to blessing. Those thankfulness-stealing and joy-stealing attitudes are a struggle for all of us at times, though certainly more for some than others.)
Views expressed are always my own and not my employer's, my church's, my family's, my neighbors', or my pets'. The house plants have authorized me to speak for them, however, and they always agree with me.
I hate it when someone writes an article all about me! j/k
Seriously, part of me says that step 1 needs to be to determine whether the complaints are valid or not. There are very real issues that ought not be tolerated, and there are on the flip side side issues where we ought to be able to flex a bit, and part of the genius of leadership is to figure out which is which.
Aspiring to be a stick in the mud.
I think we need to distinguish between complainers that tend to divide the congregation (Titus 3:10) and people who are feeling frustrated and need someone to talk to. I know of a widow lady with no children who about twice a year talks to my wife and I and shares her frustrations. Those times remind me of the Psalms when David shares his frustrations. Much of our time with this widow is just spent listening and then reminding her of the goodness of God as we show compassion for her struggles. She just needs someone to talk to. We talk to her throughout the year as well, and she usually just shares her weekly struggles as prayer requests that really do not come across as complaints. I think part of the reason she is able to be less complaining during these times is because we give her an ear from time to time. As Bert pointed out:
There are very real issues that ought not be tolerated, and there are on the flip side side issues where we ought to be able to flex a bit, and part of the genius of leadership is to figure out which is which.
Discussion