Jack Schaap sentencing postponed to March 20th

I rise to speak in defense of the horse. It wasn’t his fault!

I knew General of the Armies Douglas MacArthur II. He was a kind and gentle horse who let little kids like me ride on his back without complaint. He loved apples, and if you gave him one he would be your friend forever. Dr. Rice loved riding that horse. It was one of his greatest outlets for relaxation. A number of times I saw him up on that horse (in suit and tie and dress shoes because he didn’t want to take time to change after work) riding across the pasture into the evening sun.

Don’t blame the horse!

In all seriousness, the “degree” was completely tongue in cheek. General MacArthur II was given a Doctor of Horse Sense degree, which came with one of Dr. Hyles’ poems written in the voice of the horse longing for the circuit riding preacher days so that he could carry Dr. Rice to his meetings. (One memorable line: “I’m not mad at airplanes, but may they all burn.”) There are a lot of things to complain about regarding Hammond, but that one (for me at least—although maybe I’m biased because I liked the horse) was more good clean fun than a sign of an out of control empire.

Yes it happened. I was there seated stage right. Everyone who tells it leaves out the the part that got the biggest laugh. The event unfolded as such (we were in the civic center, not the church). A poem was being read of, for and about the horse (I forget the horses name, and who was reading the poem). Picture a stage with a horse near the podium and a man reading a poem to the horse.

Towards the end of the poem, the horse defecates. The crowd chuckles fairly loud, but the reader keeps reciting the poem. Hyles, who was sitting on the platform behind the speaker, stepped up beside the reader (still reading) interrupted him (still reading the poem that was about the horse). Hyles put his mouth close to the mic and said: “I don’t think he likes the poem.”

That had the crowd, including me, laughing till we were winded. It’s classic Hyles whit and timing. And for future generations who observe IFB peculiarities, it serves as an example of some of the things we did were kind of dumb (doctorate, and poem for a horse with the horse present in a Pastor’s Seminar Wednesday night service) (I know, FBC called it Pastor’s School).