Have We Forgotten How to Raise Boys Into Men?
Too many boys and men waste time in pointless and soulless activities, unmindful of their responsibilities, uncaring in their pursuits. Have we forgotten how to raise men, how to lead our boys into manhood? In “The Book of Man,” I try to chart a clearer course, offering a positive, encouraging, uplifting, realizable idea of manhood, redolent of history and human nature, and practical for contemporary life. For boys to become men they need to be guided, through advice, habit, instruction, example, and correction. It is true in all ages.Have We Forgotten How to Raise Boys Into Men?
…raise them in such a way that they are always as safe and comfortable as possible.
Views expressed are always my own and not my employer's, my church's, my family's, my neighbors', or my pets'. The house plants have authorized me to speak for them, however, and they always agree with me.
Bennett stole the sermon notes that Driscoll preached weeks ago while in northern Idaho with Doug Wilson.
Or maybe Driscoll got a hold of Bennett’s cliff notes on the stages of manhood.
It is a good topic for America.
It is a good topic for America.
It would make sense for Driscoll to grow up a bit more into a full grown man before preaching such sermons.
[Todd Wood] It is a good topic for America.It is a good topic for America, especially in light of articles http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/11/all-the-single-ladi… like this one , where the traditional roles of husband/wife are being dismissed as unnecessary or even counterproductive. There’s been quite a few discussions along the lines of ‘why are men necessary’ in the news lately, and I’m not sure that the church is able to clearly explain what a godly man is and defend it with Scripture.
"Our task today is to tell people — who no longer know what sin is...no longer see themselves as sinners, and no longer have room for these categories — that Christ died for sins of which they do not think they’re guilty." - David Wells
Perhaps most worrisome are the cultural indicators. Men are more distant from a family or their children then they have ever been. The out of wedlock birthrate is over forty percent in America. In 1960, only 11% of children in the U.S. lived apart from their fathers. In 2010, that share had risen to 27%. Men are also less religious than ever before. According to Gallup polling, 39% of men reported attending church regularly in 2010, compared to 47% of women.Even in 2 parent homes, many boys are raised primarily by their mothers.
Over the past few years I have observed that more and more boys exhibit the following characteristics:
—inability to take initiative and leadership in projects. Content to let girls run things.
—“softness” in difficult situations (i.e. basketball player “injured” when a big game comes up that will involve real competition, “not feeling well” the next day and being allowed to stay home)
—don’t know how to really work. You’d be amazed at how many high school boys have never washed a car.
—inability to take initiative and leadership in projects. Content to let girls run things.
—“softness” in difficult situations (i.e. basketball player “injured” when a big game comes up that will involve real competition, “not feeling well” the next day and being allowed to stay home)
—don’t know how to really work. You’d be amazed at how many high school boys have never washed a car.
Part of what I see:
- women taking leadership roles (officially or unofficially) on the grounds there are not enough active, mature, responsible men.
- men not taking leadership roles on the grounds (officially unofficially) that there are so many aggressive, dominant women
I’m really not sure how we get out of this cycle.
- women taking leadership roles (officially or unofficially) on the grounds there are not enough active, mature, responsible men.
- men not taking leadership roles on the grounds (officially unofficially) that there are so many aggressive, dominant women
I’m really not sure how we get out of this cycle.
Views expressed are always my own and not my employer's, my church's, my family's, my neighbors', or my pets'. The house plants have authorized me to speak for them, however, and they always agree with me.
The way to get out of the cycle is preaching and teaching on what Manhood means, and more importantly, modelling it.
Of course, that’s easier to say than do.
-edit-
Started a new thread on this subject: http://sharperiron.org/forum/thread-what-does-it-mean-to-be-man
Of course, that’s easier to say than do.
-edit-
Started a new thread on this subject: http://sharperiron.org/forum/thread-what-does-it-mean-to-be-man
"Our task today is to tell people — who no longer know what sin is...no longer see themselves as sinners, and no longer have room for these categories — that Christ died for sins of which they do not think they’re guilty." - David Wells
I think personal involvement in discipleship/mentoring is most important. Men used to spend time with their boys working all day long. I was fortunate to be able to start going to work with my dad, who a floor covering installer, when I was about 4-5. Even then it was rare, and my brother, 13 years my junior, did not get the opportunity because of the change in the working environment in that short time. The current culture means we must begin investing in the men in our churches on an individual, personal level.
Why is it that my voice always seems to be loudest when I am saying the dumbest things?
Sometimes I think the amount of time dads allegedly spent with sons in past generations is a bit idealized and exaggerated. Either way, unless a man is called to a trade he can engage in full time at home, internships and systematic mentoring are really not possible in a post-industrial society. Any dad who is employed is going to be pretty limited.
My own experience growing up was that my dad and I did not “hang out.” Perhaps more of that would have been good but I do not feel deprived. He was not an absent father either, by any stretch. It’s just that his presence was not a particularly verbal and interactive one. But powerful, nonetheless.
I got his genes, but also absorbed his values—even though I think I only got maybe two “lectures” from him my entire life (totaling maybe ten minutes). (We did have a few protracted “debates” though!).
I think it’s more about who we are as dads and being there so that who we are can have the impact it needs to have. But a lot of the modern expectation is feminized. Dads do not need to be chatty and have long, soul-bearing conversations to raise good sons.
My own experience growing up was that my dad and I did not “hang out.” Perhaps more of that would have been good but I do not feel deprived. He was not an absent father either, by any stretch. It’s just that his presence was not a particularly verbal and interactive one. But powerful, nonetheless.
I got his genes, but also absorbed his values—even though I think I only got maybe two “lectures” from him my entire life (totaling maybe ten minutes). (We did have a few protracted “debates” though!).
I think it’s more about who we are as dads and being there so that who we are can have the impact it needs to have. But a lot of the modern expectation is feminized. Dads do not need to be chatty and have long, soul-bearing conversations to raise good sons.
Views expressed are always my own and not my employer's, my church's, my family's, my neighbors', or my pets'. The house plants have authorized me to speak for them, however, and they always agree with me.
No, I’m talking more about the process than the specific participants. I agree, modern culture has eliminated most opportunity for fathers to spend time like that with their sons. My point is that somewhere, we need to start picking up this slack in the church. I think this must be the new arena for apprenticeship in manhood.
Why is it that my voice always seems to be loudest when I am saying the dumbest things?
It’s an interesting question.
I think there is no adequate substitute for the dad’s influence (my beef w/many writers of books on the topic these days is that they seem to forget you can “say” something in ways besides words). And I think nobody disputes that.
But is there more the church can do in this area? I’m sure there is. I think it has two prongs:
1- Qualities of character that are inherent in maturity (and really have nothing to do with gender).
2- Applications of those qualities to the unique roles God has assigned to men.
Though maturity is maturity, regardless of gender, the battlegrounds of maturity are a bit different for men because their responsibilities are not the same and their weaknesses tend to lie in different areas of their being, compared to women.
Alot of this is applicational because we don’t have Holy Writ at this level of detail. For example, men are generally recognized to be “less emotional” than women, but the reality is that though this is true in several ways, men tend to be less able to understand and deal with their emotions. So the old-school approach of teaching men to shove their emotions in a drawer and ignore them when important choices need to me made has probably been abandoned prematurely. Unless a man is well equipped to sort out the intuitive stuff going on internally, he is better off ignoring it and approaching the matter rationally… asking “What is true here? What is good here? What is right here? What is my responsibility here?” and leaving the “How do I feel about it?” out of it.
This is just an example of the sort of thing I’m talking about under “applications.”
What is revealed relevant to this is that a man’s strength is measured in large part by how well he rules his spirit. (Prov.16:32, 25:28)
I tell my son often—but probably not often enough—“Rule your spirit!”
I think there is no adequate substitute for the dad’s influence (my beef w/many writers of books on the topic these days is that they seem to forget you can “say” something in ways besides words). And I think nobody disputes that.
But is there more the church can do in this area? I’m sure there is. I think it has two prongs:
1- Qualities of character that are inherent in maturity (and really have nothing to do with gender).
2- Applications of those qualities to the unique roles God has assigned to men.
Though maturity is maturity, regardless of gender, the battlegrounds of maturity are a bit different for men because their responsibilities are not the same and their weaknesses tend to lie in different areas of their being, compared to women.
Alot of this is applicational because we don’t have Holy Writ at this level of detail. For example, men are generally recognized to be “less emotional” than women, but the reality is that though this is true in several ways, men tend to be less able to understand and deal with their emotions. So the old-school approach of teaching men to shove their emotions in a drawer and ignore them when important choices need to me made has probably been abandoned prematurely. Unless a man is well equipped to sort out the intuitive stuff going on internally, he is better off ignoring it and approaching the matter rationally… asking “What is true here? What is good here? What is right here? What is my responsibility here?” and leaving the “How do I feel about it?” out of it.
This is just an example of the sort of thing I’m talking about under “applications.”
What is revealed relevant to this is that a man’s strength is measured in large part by how well he rules his spirit. (Prov.16:32, 25:28)
I tell my son often—but probably not often enough—“Rule your spirit!”
Views expressed are always my own and not my employer's, my church's, my family's, my neighbors', or my pets'. The house plants have authorized me to speak for them, however, and they always agree with me.
I have noticed in my own life is simply turing off the compuer/internet (tv, whatever) and just being with my family members and doing ordinary tasks at home. One of my friends talks about how she doens’t want our kids just remembering the backs of our heads … I’m re-reading the Little House on the Praire books, and it’s amazing how much they did and passed on as families when there was no other distraction or entertainment and when hard work together was a necessity.
This post is reminiscent of an article by missionary/pastor Steve Hafler which was published in Frontline Magazine (FBF) in the January-February 2010 issue. In “Are We Done Playing Games Yet: A Call for Boys to Grow Up and Go Forward” Hafler writes about the God-given risk taking spirit that is inherent in boys. He hopes that his own boys will dare to take the gospel to “areas where peoples have never heard the name of Jesus.” He challenges young men to stop wasting their lives on cheap substitutes for adventure (videos games, fantasy football, action films, etc) and become true soldiers of Jesus Christ, the King of kings.
L Strickler
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