When Followers Don’t Follow: The Art of Persuasion

Though many of us don’t think of ourselves as leaders, we all find ourselves in situations where we’re responsible to some extent for “getting other people to do things” (or stop doing things). In that sense, we’re all leaders occasionally.

Previously, I introduced three primary tools leaders have at their disposal (coercion, persuasion, and influence), overviewed how the three differ, and explored some ways we tend to use one of them—coercion—badly (with self-defeating consequences).

Paul’s letter to Philemon draws our attention to the second tool—persuasion—and even a brief look reveals a great deal about what persuasion is, how it works, and why we should try to get better at it.

1. Persuasion offers compelling information and reasoning.

Paul has two goals in the epistle: to see Philemon accept the runaway slave, Onesimus, back into Philemon’s home and to put Onesimus and Philemon’s relationship on a new footing. Much of the letter consists of arguments—reasons why—Philemon should do this. Seven stand out.

• Philemon 13 – Onesimus is a huge help!
• Philemon 15-16 – You can now have him as a brother rather than a slave.
• Philemon 17 – You can do this for me as your partner.
• Philemon 18 – It won’t cost you a dime!
• Philemon 19 – You owe me this.
• Philemon 20 – You can make me happy.
• Philemon 21 – It would be so like you to do this, and more.

Paul uses some personal appeal, emotional appeal, and maybe even a bit of subtle guilt-tripping here. But his basic approach is a reasoned one that aims to change what Philemon believes about the situation, and as a result, what he does.

This is what persuasion, as distinct from coercion, seeks to achieve.

2. Effective persuasion is wisely delivered.

For Paul, beginning epistles with affirmations and thanks was routine. Nonetheless, those affirmations were genuine—and selective. To Philemon, he wrote,

I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints, ⁶ and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. ⁷ For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you. (ESV, Philemon 5–7)

In these few statements, Paul frames the entire persuasive effort as (a) an appeal to a man’s already-demonstrated godly motives (“love and … faith”), (b) an appeal rooted in the man’s personal relationship with Paul (“I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother”), and (c) an appeal to a man with a track record for expansive and generous serving of others (“the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you”).

The words of appreciation not only open Philemon up to listen to Paul’s requests, but also set the stage for what sort of case he is going to make—and how that case is likely to be perceived. The entire effort is suffused with respect.

So many leaders self-sabotage their persuasive efforts from the start by adopting a condescending and insulting tone. It’s more than a little puzzling. Isn’t it obvious that we all pretty much dig in when we’re approached that way? (It’s true that both John and Jesus rebuked Pharisees and other phonies with a “condescending and insulting tone”—but the Pharisees were not the audience they were trying to persuade!)

By using this tool, Paul is respecting Philemon. He is not only communicating what he’d like Philemon to do and why, but by using persuasion rather than coercion, he is telling Philemon “I know you are the kind of person who is open to change, open to learning, open to arguments that might call for a change in course.”

This is the same sort of respect Paul is communicating even to the likes of the troubled church of Corinth (1 Cor. 10:15, though he tempers that praise in 1 Cor. 6:5 and nearly reverses it through sarcasm in 2 Cor. 11:19.)

Whenever we aim to persuade, we are implying the respect that is due to reasonable people (James 3:17).

3. Persuasion requires influence.

Note the wording of v.9: “for love’s sake I prefer to appeal to you—I, Paul, an old man and now a prisoner also for Christ Jesus.”

The subtext here seems to be something like, “You wouldn’t disappoint and old man stuck in jail for serving the Lord, would you?” There’s nothing low about Paul’s use of this angle. His many years of hard, hard service truly entitled him to be taken seriously, and the fact that he chooses to be so gentle with Philemon makes that personal credibility even stronger.

Similar allusions to Paul’s influence occur in Philemon 17, 19, 20, and 22. One of the most poignant is v. 17: “So if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me.”

Though we often need to persuade people who don’t know us well, some basic level of at least provisional ethos is vital to the process. Even communicating with a hostile audience, we have to be winsome enough to at least gain a hearing for the length of time it takes to unfold the case. And that pinch of influence can go a long way.

Here, though, Paul has the deeply rooted and strong respect of Philemon to leverage. And he uses it well.

4. Whenever the situation allows, persuasion is better than coercion.

In Philemon v.8-10, Paul identifies two distinct strategies for gaining the result he desires from Philemon. He goes out of his way to choose one over the other—and explains why.

Accordingly, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required, ⁹ yet for love’s sake I prefer to appeal to you—I, Paul, an old man and now a prisoner also for Christ Jesus— ¹⁰ I appeal to you for my child, Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment. (Philemon 8–10)

The contrast between “command” and “appeal” here is not precisely a contrast between coercion and persuasion, but it’s close. Commands are typically backed by an implied or stated “or else,” or occur in the context of a potential consequence of some sort. His choice to “appeal” is a choice to persuade. Nor is that preference for persuasion unique to the book of Philemon.

For even if I boast a little too much of our authority, which the Lord gave for building you up and not for destroying you, I will not be ashamed. ⁹ I do not want to appear to be frightening you with my letters. (2 Cor. 10:8–9)

For this reason I write these things while I am away from you, that when I come I may not have to be severe in my use of the authority that the Lord has given me for building up and not for tearing down. (2 Cor. 13:10)

Paul’s attitude toward the use of his authority is a beautiful thing. First, he recognizes that his authority is a means to an end, not an end in itself. Second, he realizes what that end is—building up, not destroying. Third, he knows where his authority came from, as a trust (“the Lord gave… the Lord has given”). Fourth, the resulting attitude is that—apostle though he is—he does not want to use the authority to command in any situation where doing so would not truly edify.

This is why the pastoral epistles sometimes call for rebuke, but over and over urge Timothy or Titus to teach patiently, gently, firmly, lovingly.

Verse 14 sums up his attitude.

But I preferred to do nothing without your consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion but of your own accord. (Philemon 14)

That Paul shows a preference for persuasion shouldn’t surprise us. Christianity and the Great Commission are all about genuine belief, and nobody has ever been coerced into faith.

Limitations

As vital as persuasion is to leading people, it’s not always the right tool for the job. Part 4 will consider situations where persuasion is contraindicated.