Should Divorcees Be Forbidden to Teach or Lead in Local Churches?
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The constitutions and bylaws of independent Baptist churches commonly include language that forbids divorced persons from teaching Sunday School or holding church office. The restriction is so common that of the dozens of church constitutions I’ve read and filed, only one or two lack some version of it. Since many churches with these restrictions have some history of conflict over them, the topic also tends to be seen as a minefield—best to fence it off and leave it alone.
But these same church constitutions and confessions of faith also strongly emphasize the authority of Scripture, and one question should always be welcome: Is what we’re doing biblical? Is it compatible with Scripture and the revealed nature and purposes of the church?
Let’s consider some arguments pro and con.
Pro
1 Discouraging divorce
Surely we all agree that churches ought to do what they can to discourage divorce and nurture thriving marriages. I’ve frequently heard this laudable goal cited as a reason for restrictive church policy on divorcees. The desire is that the church be perceived as univocal and consistently uncompromising on this point so that the message is unmistakable: God’s design for marriage is one man, one woman, for life.
2 Prevention by shaming
Cynical readers might be quick to suggest an alternative version of argument #1: “All these churches really want to do is scare people out of getting divorced by endlessly shaming those who are divorced.” Sadly, the cynics are probably more right than wrong on that point.
At the same time, the local church discipline passages in the NT do indicate that (a) some behavior is truly disgraceful and (b) churches can fail by being too accommodating of conduct that ought to be seen as shameful (2 Cor. 5:1-2, Ephes. 5:3).
3 Rejection of social trends – “easy divorce”
It would be difficult to research, but it seems likely that many of the divorcee restrictions were added to church constitutions in a period when divorce rates were dramatically increasing in the US. Part of this trend was the relaxing of requirements for divorce proceedings, leading to the creation of family courts and culminating in no-fault divorce laws. California became the first no-fault divorce state in 1970.
Biblically-informed Christians with a high view of marriage were appalled by this trend. Many saw the principle, “be not conformed to this world,” as requiring them to stake out a counter-cultural stand in this area. “We’re not joining this mad rush toward the destruction of the family.” Who can fault them for that?
4 The “husband of one wife” passages
Constitutions with divorcee restrictions sometimes footnote supporting passages that include 1 Timothy 3:2, 12 and 5:9 along with Titus 1:6. Though most of these passages refer to qualifications for elders, 1 Timothy 3:12 does apply the standard to deacons as well.
Let deacons each be the husband of one wife, managing their children and their own households well. (ESV, 1 Tim. 3:12)
How are these passages relevant for restricting Sunday School teachers and other non-deacon leadership roles? The reasoning is that these passages establish the principle that those who are leaders the church should be exemplary individuals with exemplary families.
Con
1 The value of participation
Ephesians 4, 1 Corinthians 12, and many other passages, emphasize that each member of the body has a unique contribution to the life and growth of the whole. In Ephesians 4, the language is “joints” and “parts” that must work together (Eph. 4:16). In 1 Corinthians, Paul likens individual believers to hands, feet, eyes, etc. Nobody can be what someone else has been put there to be (1 Cor. 12:14-16).
None of this adds up to, “Divorced people must be allowed to be ministry leaders,” but it does add up to a sobering principle: preventing people from serving in ways they ought to be serving is a serious injury to the body—and therefore, a serious offense against Christ who is the Head.
Whatever case we make for excluding an entire category of people from multiple categories of ministry roles had better be a strong one. Does such a case exist? If such a case does exist, the “husband of one wife” standard for pastors and deacons is not it. Not only is it less than certain that the phrase was meant to exclude all divorce-and-remarriage scenarios, but we also have no Scripture indicating that this standard was intended to extend to roles other than pastors and deacons.
2 How divorces happen now
If LegalZoom has it straight, pure no-fault divorce is the law in 17 states and the District of Columbia. In these jurisdictions, no blame for any kind of wrongdoing may be identified as the reason for divorce proceedings. In the remaining 33 states, no-fault is an option.
In practical terms, this means that if either spouse wants to end the marriage on a no-fault basis, the other spouse has no say at all in the matter. A whole lot of legal process can go into dividing up property, custody, etc., but there is no legal basis for “fighting the divorce.”
At least one conclusion should be clear: it is possible to be a divorcee and have contributed nothing, either actively or passively, to the ending of the marriage. Should individuals in this situation be excluded from ministry leadership?
3 Example of what?
The reasoning that says “let’s make sure our leaders are exemplary individuals with exemplary families” has much to commend it. But given the realities of an easy-divorce society, the question arises, “Exemplary in what ways?” In a society that exalts and empowers individualism to an extraordinary degree, it may well be that a “good example” is sometimes a man or woman who is faithfully living the Christian life in a situation beyond his or her control. Can a divorcee be exemplary at holding to biblical attitudes and obedience while making the best of a tragedy he or she was was not able to prevent?
4 The kinds of people God uses
When we look through biblical history at the kinds of men and women God has chosen to use, even in leadership roles, we don’t find that they are always “exemplary people with exemplary families”—especially in reference to past transgressions. Badly checkered histories are common, and those histories include far worse offenses than failed marriages.
In some of our churches, as far as their constitutions are concerned, you can be a former axe murderer and teach Sunday School, but you can’t be a divorcee. Can this really be the intent of the biblical teaching?
It’s past time for churches to re-examine these policies. Yes, we want to obey Scripture. Yes, we want to discourage divorce and nurture strong marriages. Yes, we want to be counter-cultural. But is a rigid ban on divorcees in leadership really helping further these goals?
Aaron Blumer 2016 Bio
Aaron Blumer is a Michigan native and graduate of Bob Jones University and Central Baptist Theological Seminary (Plymouth, MN). He and his family live in small-town western Wisconsin, not far from where he pastored for thirteen years. In his full time job, he is content manager for a law-enforcement digital library service. (Views expressed are the author's own and not his employer's, church's, etc.)
- 1964 views
Thank you, Aaron, I was taught a similar perspective to the one you are arguing against in my pastoral theology classes in Bible college, and I served in a church with similar restrictions in my first ministry. The reasoning given by those who taught me these things (who are beloved by me to this day) was well-intentioned. However, the more I examined Scripture on the issue of divorce and remarriage (and, frankly, came to know godly divorced people and to understand their situations), I began to look at it as “fencing the Torah”—in other words, putting extra laws in place in order to avoid breaking clear commands of Scripture. As well-intentioned as that is, it is also wrong.
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Greg Long, Ed.D. (SBTS)
Pastor of Adult Ministries
Grace Church, Des Moines, IA
Adjunct Instructor
School of Divinity
Liberty University
I’m guessing that a lot of the rigidity really derives from the simple issue of establishing whether a divorcee is a one woman man. If we’ve done—as many/most churches have—more or less a lecture/listen format, we simply do not have the information to determine this. Hence the blanket bans that really don’t consider whether the prospective leader committed adultery, or whether his divorce really relates mostly to his ex-wife’s sins.
We want to be careful as well with the notion that the church is wronged when people are “prevented from serving in ways they ought to be serving”—that very argument is, of course, a staple of evangelical feminism. It’s certainly true as far as it goes, but it tends to be…shall we say…rather over-applied.
Personally, I’ve been on a deacon board and have been taught by a divorcee—he married a nonbeliever as a young believer and paid the price when she decided she wanted to go. Definitely a one woman man, though. So count me firmly in the camp of “do we know him well enough to know he’s a one woman man?”, and quite uneasy with blanket bans.
Aspiring to be a stick in the mud.
You and I actually agree! This is a good day.
Tyler is a pastor in Olympia, WA and works in State government.
The issue of a divorced person leading, especially pastoring, in a local church is a thorny one. Frankly, you can make a great argument on both sides of this issue.
Perhaps the best argument against a divorced man serving as pastor is the admonition that he “rules his own house well.” As well as the argument that the church needs at least a few examples of one man and one woman married for life.
David R. Brumbelow
A few thoughts:
- What if he was married and divorced before he was a Christian?
- What if he was already married, he became a Christian, his wife did not, and she left him afterwards (1 Cor 7)?
- What if he is a Christian, married, and his wife is unfaithful, and leaves him? What fault does he have?
In each of these circumstances, the man is totally disqualified from leadership? Really? I’ve never bought it. And, there is the conundrum of what a “one woman man” actually means. I’ve always thought we’re running up against tradition, not Scripture on this “divorce/remarriage/leadership” issue.
Tyler is a pastor in Olympia, WA and works in State government.
[David R. Brumbelow]The issue of a divorced person leading, especially pastoring, in a local church is a thorny one. Frankly, you can make a great argument on both sides of this issue.
Perhaps the best argument against a divorced man serving as pastor is the admonition that he “rules his own house well.” As well as the argument that the church needs at least a few examples of one man and one woman married for life.
David R. Brumbelow
The last statement in bold is a great example of a cultural, but not a Biblical, imperative. Scripture says no such thing, nor does it suggest that further, the pastor must be one of those examples. Big gaps in logic there.
The first statement about ruling his own house well, however, I consider to be Biblical. The trick with it is even in a divorce situation, the outcome is not necessarily an indication of how well the man has ruled his home. Again, imagine an immature Christian marrying a nonbeliever who goes her own way. Is he forever disqualified, while the murderer Paul was not? Seriously?
Aspiring to be a stick in the mud.
I have a dear pastor friend - goes back 40 years.
His wife left him about 15 years ago. He stepped out of the ministry for several years. He remarried and now pastors a moderately sized (300+) in the upper Midwest.
I know the situation completely. There is no “innocent party” here. Wife # 1 had issues … he had issues.
Way back when I served along side him, he was adamant that a divorced man was disqualified from the pastorate. Funny how his view changed when he himself got a divorce.
My own view: some sins have consequences that are long. I think divorce is one of them. I don’t think he should be pastoring. I’m not even sure his new church knows about his divorce (they may).
I don’t think there should be a blanket ban on divorced serving in positions, but for the offices - why not the highest standard!
The day after I began repenting of my sins and placing my faith in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, I called my ex-wife and told her that I thought that we should remarry. She laughed at me.
I made that phone call because of the bad teaching in this area that I had heard while growing up. I thought that as a Christian, God expected me to remarry my ex-wife. Thankfully, the church that the Holy Spirit placed me in was pastored by a man (a BJU board member) who had much wisdom in this area. He told me that remarrying an unbeliever, even if she was my ex-wife, would be in direct disobedience to God’s Word.
By God’s grace, my “new” wife and I just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. We are blessed to serve God together in our local church (I’m on staff).
Thank you for writing this, Aaron.
…is Charles Stanley. When he and his wife divorced, she noted that he had his priorities, and she simply didn’t happen to be one of them. Now of course, I don’t know exactly what the ins and outs were on the deacon board’s decision to retain him, but if that perspective was known before the divorce (big IF, yes!), I would dare suggest a good look at his work and travel schedule might have been appropriate. If he was putting in 80 hour weeks and traveling > 50% of the time, I would dare say his ex-wife had a point—and the deacon board should have worked with him to rein that in.
Same thing with Jim’s friend, really. I don’t know what the issues are, and of course it would be wrong to discuss them here, but if some issues were known a priori, it’s time for the deacons to step in. And that presumes, of course, a closer relationship between church leaders than I’ve sometimes seen.
Aspiring to be a stick in the mud.
1 Corinthians 7:10-11, “To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.”
Does this passage still apply?
- It strikes me that at least for believers - a marriage should be able to work! Issues should be resolvable
- While the passage does not address the husband not separating, my take is that this would also be true: “A husband must not separate from his wife. 11 But if he does, he must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to his wife. And a wife must not divorce her husband.”
What I see and it concerns me and should concern us all:
- EZ divorce standards for believers.
- Christians think they can walk away from marriage with no consequences
- And the above is very very wrong
“As well as the argument that the church needs at least a few examples of one man and one woman married for life.”
This is not a cultural argument. It’s at least an application of biblical principle… in any culture.
I don’t disagree w/Jim’s last either, but there are distinct issues we should try not to lump together:
a. Discouraging divorce & nurturing thriving marriages
b. Punishing all divorcees regardless of the situation
Finding a practical way to accomplish a. without doing b. is what I’m arguing for. Would love to hear of some policies that have attempted this and seem to work well.
On the “not keeping people form serving who ought to be serving”: the principle is valid regardless of what groups may abuse it.
Views expressed are always my own and not my employer's, my church's, my family's, my neighbors', or my pets'. The house plants have authorized me to speak for them, however, and they always agree with me.
I am reluctant to officiate at some weddings (not that I am asked much anymore b/c I am retired): (obviously never for a same sex marriage [so-called by the state] )
- Two believers first time marriage (OK)
- Two unbelievers (OK)
- Other situations - I personally do not want to be involved as an officiant
Jim, that’s what I was taught, but may I humbly suggest that your perspective is being stricter than Jesus and Paul (yes, of course I know there are different perspectives on Mt. 19 and 1 Cor. 7:15, but after considering all of those arguments it seems quite clear to me that biblically there are POSSIBLE exceptions for adultery, abandonment, and abuse).
I would honestly prefer to take your approach as it would make things much easier in my church setting. It is much, much messier to try to work through the details of a past marriage to see if it qualifies as a biblical exception so that a new marriage might take place, but I believe that is the biblical approach. I have said “no” to marrying a couple with divorce in the past, but I have also said (after much discussion and even investigation) “yes.”
Of course that’s not really the subject of Aaron’s OP, but related.
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Greg Long, Ed.D. (SBTS)
Pastor of Adult Ministries
Grace Church, Des Moines, IA
Adjunct Instructor
School of Divinity
Liberty University
To the original point … “Should Divorcees Be Forbidden to Teach or Lead in Local Churches?”:
- No but …
- The “but”: what is their current view of divorce? Must be known! The sanctify of marriage must be held high
Answering Greg Long who said: “it seems quite clear to me that biblically there are POSSIBLE exceptions for adultery, abandonment, and abuse).” Agreed that there are Biblical grounds for divorce!
And: “try to work through the details of a past marriage to see if it qualifies as a biblical exception so that a new marriage might take place”. My take on the bolded above: As a pastor I frankly did not feel that I had either the authority or the resources to truly evaluate this!
- The pastor does not have a private investigator NOR
- The ability to subpoena
- It always seemed to be “he says” … no “she says”
- Considering my own calling and directives for pastoral ministry - I do not see that outlined anywhere in the Scriptures
[Jim] Answering Greg Long who said: “it seems quite clear to me that biblically there are POSSIBLE exceptions for adultery, abandonment, and abuse).” Agreed that there are Biblical grounds for divorce!And: “try to work through the details of a past marriage to see if it qualifies as a biblical exception so that a new marriage might take place”. My take on the bolded above: As a pastor I frankly did not feel that I had either the authority or the resources to truly evaluate this!
- The pastor does not have a private investigator NOR
- The ability to subpoena
- It always seemed to be “he says” … no “she says”
- Considering my own calling and directives for pastoral ministry - I do not see that outlined anywhere in the Scriptures
I totally understand Jim, and respect that position. Let me give you some examples of where I’m coming from:
- One couple came to us asking to be married. She had never been married; he was divorced. He said his first wife left him for another man. He referred me to his previous pastor. I called him and confirmed the details of what I had been told. The other pastor sympathized with this man but had a personal policy of not marrying divorced people. Because I was able to verify his story I felt comfortable moving forward with pre-marital counseling.
- A woman in our church had a husband who started exhibiting bizarre and dangerous behavior towards himself and others (not going to share many details). She finally divorced him. The authorities were involved at several points including a restraining order and then ultimately some jail time. I was not in the church when all this happened but when she approached us about the possibility of remarriage we are of course able to verify all of that not only with pastors on staff here at the time who worked with her, but also if need be with the documentation from the legal system. Because of this, we are willing to consider the possibility of remarriage for her (she has agreed to submit to pastoral counsel and counseling regarding any possible mate).
- On the other hand, one time I had a couple who was fairly new to our church ask about getting married. At least one of them had been divorced. Their salvation testimonies were iffy, her story changed after I mentioned the biblical exception clauses, and I just didn’t think it was worthwhile to pursue any further so I declined their request. They left the church.
I totally agree that if it simply “he said/she said” that any pastor would do well to be extremely wary.
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Greg Long, Ed.D. (SBTS)
Pastor of Adult Ministries
Grace Church, Des Moines, IA
Adjunct Instructor
School of Divinity
Liberty University
Discussion