Balancing Toughness and Tenderness in Pastoral Care
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“Truly, truly, I say to you, he who does not enter by the door into the fold of the sheep, but climbs up some other way, he is a thief and a robber. But he who enters by the door is a shepherd of the sheep. To him the doorkeeper opens, and the sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he brings all his own out, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice. A stranger they will never follow, but will flee from him, because they do not know the voice of strangers” (John 10:1–5, LSB).
This passage about Jesus being both the Good Shepherd and the door of the sheep pen conveys a sense of toughness and tenderness. The sheep are cared for, protected, and guided by this good shepherd. Meanwhile, the thief and robber attempt to gain access to the sheep to steal, kill, and destroy them. However, they cannot do so as long as the Good Shepherd watches over His own.
Christians cling to such imagery because it reminds us of the loving care and protection the Savior gives to us, His sheep. As a pastor, I also appreciate the picture because it reminds me of the dual nature of being a pastor as I try to model my care after Christ’s. Being tough and tender are essential elements in every biblical elder’s life and ministry.
Like many things in life, it is all too easy to fall into extremes. I see fellow pastors struggle to be tough. They are soft on sin, fail to confront, delay, or ignore the need for discipline, and tolerate false doctrine under the guise that they want to be humble. All of these are troubling and can lead a church into very dangerous situations if ignored for too long.
What I observe more frequently nowadays is the opposite extreme. I notice many younger pastors who are trying exceptionally hard to appear tough. They speak harshly and project an image of being strict about sin, particularly concerning the sins of those who don’t completely agree with them on every doctrinal issue. I witness toughness in their congregations, where any disagreement is perceived as dissent and division, met with a severity that is alien to the way Jesus dealt with his own. This portrayal is especially unappealing when found on social platforms like X, where the negativity of chest-thumping and public shaming has escalated to an alarming level. How did we get here?
Jesus used both tender and firm hands with those He encountered, even unbelievers. He understood when it was necessary to be firm and when to be gentle. He rebuked “that fox,” Herod, yet was gracious to the woman at the well and the woman caught in adultery. He wasn’t being lenient on sin. He wasn’t condoning their life choices. Jesus never turned away when sin needed to be addressed. It’s not “tenderness” when we compromise by allowing sin to continue without confrontation or resolution.
But Jesus didn’t always “bring down the hammer” when He saw sin in others. After all, everyone He met was guilty in some way or another! “If You should keep iniquities, O Yah, O Lord, who could stand? But with You there is forgiveness, That You may be feared” (Psalm 130:3–4, LSB). Instead, Jesus aimed for the hearts of those He walked among. He was more direct with the hard-hearted, and He was gentler with the bruised and broken (“A crushed reed He will not break And a faintly burning wick He will not extinguish; He will bring forth justice in truth.” – Isaiah 42:3, LSB).
The Good Shepherd was both tender and tough. Regardless of our natural tendencies, we must strive to embody the heart of our Good Shepherd, who was neither lenient toward sin nor harsh with the broken and weak. By doing so, we will more closely reflect the heart of our Master.
Always Reforming Articles
Reposted, with permission, from Always Reforming.
Richard Bargas Bio
Richard Bargas (BA, Biola Univ.; MDiv, DMin, The Master's Seminary) is the Executive Director of IFCA International and the Editor of the VOICE magazine. He blogs at Always Reforming.
What I observe more frequently nowadays is the opposite extreme. I notice many younger pastors who are trying exceptionally hard to appear tough. They speak harshly and project an image of being strict about sin, particularly concerning the sins of those who don’t completely agree with them on every doctrinal issue. I witness toughness in their congregations, where any disagreement is perceived as dissent and division, met with a severity that is alien to the way Jesus dealt with his own. This portrayal is especially unappealing when found on social platforms like X, where the negativity of chest-thumping and public shaming has escalated to an alarming level. How did we get here?
This isn't new or more frequent. The IFBx movement is notorious for this kind of behavior. The only difference is that they didn't have social media in the 70s, 80s, and 90s to expose this sinful behavior.
I've seen fairly aggressive tactics in IFB, and really also some portions of the Reformed world, but another thing that comes to mind is the question of whether the behavior at hand is actually sinful. For example, I knew a couple who left an IFB church when the "pastor" berated somebody who made the Communion bread too big. (I was the baker, and only found they'd left much later) My thought at the time was that if a quarter sized piece of bread was wrong, Jesus had some explaining to do for His apostles.
Aspiring to be a stick in the mud.
Bert, by sinful behavior, I was referring to that of the IFBx guys.
I'd agree that there are a number of people among the IFB, and Reformed, whose "pastoral" tactics are indeed sinful. I have gotten the business end of the same a time or two, in my opinion.
And along the very same lines, having seen that business end, I'd argue that a key part of the issue is that so many IFB/whoever are fighting to eradicate behaviors that are not sinful in themselves. So if you start by jettisoning, at least in part, the Scriptures for your judgment--Matthew 7 and all--then you are likely to jettison the techniques which Scripture says a pastor ought to use as well.
Aspiring to be a stick in the mud.
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