Parenting

Margie Lewis should know how it feels to be the parent of a prodigal. She is one of them. Co-written with her son Greg Lewis, The Hurting Parent gives hope and encouragement to the parents of prodigals. In this updated edition the Lewises tell the rest of the story of Margie’s son Mark, her prodigal.

In chapter one Lewis recounts the hurt and shame as well as the questions that bombarded their hearts when they realized that they had a prodigal son who had left them. Mark was in college and nearing the end of the semester when he left with almost no trace. When he was found, he wanted nothing to do with his family. So many questions go through one’s mind at times such as this. But Lewis writes, “It is not the purpose of this book to try to answer the ‘What did I do wrong?’ or ‘Why did this happen to us?’ questions…. [Parents] need to know ‘Where do I go from here? What can be done?’” (p. 29).

Chapter two deals with something that even those who are not parents of prodigals should consider: the feelings of isolation that parents of prodigals experience. It is natural to feel left out when others speak glowingly of all that their children are doing and doing well. It is natural to feel completely alone. Sometimes people pull away from these hurting parents, too, not knowing how to deal with them. Hurting parents need help and support. “Many hurting parents have talked to me about the isolation of their shame.” The Lewises add,

Shamed parents use similar words and expressions to describe the feeling: embarrassment, humiliation, inferiority, incompetence, disgrace, loss of face. Often they express fear of rejection, disrespect, disapproval, contempt, and even pity from the people around them who witness their struggles. (p. 33)

My Dad used to always order his eggs “over easy”—a little fragile, potentially gooey, requiring extra care to keep them intact. I think we can have days like this, too…ones when we need to be handled a little more gently or things might get messy. These “Over Easy” posts are for those days when you might need something on the lighter, “sunny side” of things. —Diane

We have a very observant two-year-old. She has verbal skills exceeding that of her brother and sister at her age. We have had some very close fellowship these past few days, as the other children have been at camp (for an excruciating two weeks, but that’s another post) and my husband is returning from his cross-country excursion (ditto). I am able to focus more attention on Kate, and I am seeing the impression that we have all made on her, good and not-so.

The other day I was singing in the car as we drove into town. Kate kept demanding, “Mommy, stop!” Now, it shouldn’t ruffle my feathers that my little sweetheart feels the need to critique my vocalization. At the risk of sounding narcissistic, folks actually request for me to sing at church sometimes. And they don’t even bring compost to throw. But repeated requests to “put a lid on it” from a toddler, well… I finally gave in and stopped. Whatever joy I was receiving from making my joyful noise was being drowned out by the peanut gallery. A few seconds later I heard her chirp, in a sing-songy voice, “Good girl!” I had stopped. It was the behavior she desired. She was commending me! Because it made me laugh, she now uses the phrase several times a day, but always appropriately. When she gets a little older we’ll talk about Who makes her a “good girl”—not her obedience to commands, not even her most sterling behavior, but a Person.

Read Part 1.

In a previous essay, I delineated a number of the physical and spiritual benefits that may accrue to children who find healthy involvement in athletics. Young bodies need exercise and young souls can profit from the invaluable lessons athletic involvement provides through competitive interaction with other sinners.

I further stressed in the aforementioned article that parental decision making with respect to a child’s involvement in sports constitutes a crucible in which parents’ moral skill and loyalty to Christ are tested. If we do not proceed in the conscious fear of God when making such decisions, we stumble along life’s path as idolaters. So in the interest of athletic involvement that consciously strives to glorify God, I offer the following considerations for parents.

Most parents living in the Western hemisphere must eventually address the matter of their children’s involvement in athletics. This may seem a moot point for children who rank joining an athletic team only slightly higher than a visit to the orthodontist. Other parents are driven nearly insane by their children’s obsession with sports. But what seems to escape many parents is the reality that a child’s involvement in athletics is a weighty spiritual matter that demands skillful parental leadership.

Parents—and most particularly dads—need to actively steer their children’s involvement (or non-involvement) in athletics in such a way as to purposefully magnify the splendor of God. Parents who merely respond to what their children want to do (or not do) athletically are guilty of spiritual negligence. A child’s participation in sports constitutes a crucible in which a parent’s moral skill and loyalty to God are put to the test. We must proceed in the conscious fear of God or we will proceed as idolaters. As always, there is much at stake.

In an essay to follow, I address guidelines by which athletic participation may redound to the glory of God. In this article, I address only secondarily parents who enthusiastically support their children’s athletic interests. I speak more directly here to parents minded that athletics are a waste of precious resources and generally to be avoided. I address those who think the spiritual temptations and/or physical risks inherent in athletics render such involvement unjustifiable. I also address parents who simply respond to their children’s desires without consciously appreciating and strategically tapping the benefits of athletic involvement. To such readers I offer the following apologetic for children’s athletics.

(Read Part 1)

Preparing for value transference

There are two major things we must do to prepare ourselves before we being the process of transferring our values to our children. The first is found in Deuteronomy 6:6.

1) The words of the commandments must “be in (our) heart.”

We were sitting at a traffic light on Okeechobee Boulevard in West Palm Beach, Florida early in 1993. I tell you the year because I want to make sure you know that, although we were once “Palm Beach voters,” we weren’t those “Palm Beach voters.” My children were sitting in the back seat when a session of intense fellowship broke out.

The Need for Wisdom

Through the ages parents have passed wisdom along to guide their children while young so that it might direct them as they mature.