How to Insult Your Pastor Creatively

Thanks, Ed. Good reminder to watch what we say, especially to guys who are in a position where discouragement has a target rich environment. (I think the whole book of 1 Timothy is evidence of that!)

I have heard a few of these myself a couple of times, too. In the case of “you’re more of a teacher than a preacher,” I chose to take it as a compliment. :-)

There’s an overlooked category here though, maybe. Sometimes church goers/members have criticism they believe needs to be delivered but they just don’t know how to say it. And it comes out “wrong”… though the right/wrong is often up to the hearer as much as the sayer.

One thing I often comforted myself with when hit with a doosey (intentional or otherwise) is that this is somebody who is at least delivering their criticism to me directly. It’s the ones delivering to others behind your back that really do the damage (though some do both)

But it’s kind of an interesting question: what’s the difference between “insults” and “criticisms,” anyway?

You need thick hide to be a pastor.

One that hurt me: “You are a great preacher [which I am not] but a poor pastor”

I actually was a poor pastor (until I got a job and supported myself)

…of this Babylon Bee “article”. I also wonder how the likelihoods Ed gives would change if we somehow found a way to change the culture of a dagger behind a lot of choir robes, so to speak. I would guess a certain number of well-meaning people unintentionally deliver a good swift kick to the pastor simply because he’s heard that before so many times—again, with that dagger. Probably including me.

Had a nice time trying the art of teaching this weekend—Phillippians 3:16-21—and was treated to a fair number of blank stares and awkward silences as I explained some of the nuances of the Judiazers to my Sunday School class. Teaching is harder than it looks, especially when you’re trying to involve the people you’re talking to.

How funny - I spent seven hours yesterday doing translation work on that exact same passage!

I would say great minds think alike, but I wasn’t working from the Greek. :^) The thing that caught my eye was that Paul was weeping for those enemies of Christ, which brought Romans 9:1-4 to mind for me, and that Paul’s more or less saying that he wept for Judiazers as they…made a god of their own belly.

Stunning to contemplate, especially as most classicists would characterize the Jews as fairly modest in their appetites compared to Greeks and Romans!

I never claimed to be working from the Greek competently! I hope nobody issued any of Ed’s “remarks” to you.

On a serious note, I am more convinced than ever that every new Seminary student who intends to go into the ministry must be challenged to quit and do something else if he has any doubts about God’s will for him to go into the ministry. Quit. Save yourself. Be a normal church member. Don’t ever go into the ministry unless you’re certain you can do nothing else. You will be attacked. Prepare yourself. Prepare your wife. People are evil. Some people in your church are not Christians. Prepare for battle.

I’m not being hysterical. I’m just “bein’ real” about the kind of struggles you’ll face in the ministry.

None of Ed’s classic insults, no. But I would not expect to see them—it is my hunch that what Ed’s writing about is not as much theology as it is about power and control. Since I was in a position of only very nominal authority, I simply ordinarily wouldn’t be a target.

I really liked Ed’s comment about topical sermons. I remember one time that I noticed that the youth pastor did an OK job with topical sermons, but his exegetical sermons were just dynamite. So perhaps foolishly (and I hope not too rudely), I asked him about that, and he was gracious enough to admit that for him, the exegetical model was a lot easier because the text just “unwrapped” itself for him. And that is, in a nutshell, what I learned yesterday. The teacher’s/preacher’s job seems to get exponentially more difficult when your topic requires more thinking out of the hearers.

I’ve observed that there are a significant number of pastors who do not take criticism well. They either get defensive or dismissive. Recognizing that, some people have chosen to take the veiled insult route. If someone tosses one of these insults at you, please realize that they may have a point.

[Ron Bean]

I’ve observed that there are a significant number of pastors who do not take criticism well. They either get defensive or dismissive.

I once made several comments in jest about how my former pastor dressed on Easter (something to the effect of looking like Benny Hinn). Concerned that I had offended him, I went to him and asked him about it. He told me he wasn’t offended and found my comments humorous. Fast forward a couple months later, when we were discussing a completely different topic, he told me I was challenging his authority and making him look bad in front of his church members just like when I made my comments about his Easter suits.

Looking back, I did take the joke too far, and, in hindsight, was acting like a jerk.

That being said, if pastors are offended by criticism, they should not become passive-aggressive and act like everything is okay when they are secretly harboring anger or resentment.

I can understand the disgust Ed feels when people use rather “sneaky” methods of presenting concerns, but at the same time I’ve also been where Ron is—seeing a lot of people who, having received “the right boot of fellowship’ and such, are “once bitten and twice shy.”

If you work with hourly factory workers, you’re going to see it a lot—the hierarchy is perceived as “know it alls” and hence people find other ways. It forms a “hidden factory” that does a lot to keep quality engineers employed. The smart ones find the “smoke shack”, listen but don’t promise much, and then figure out how to get something done according to what they’ve heard. Rarely did the hourly guys steer me wrong—I might have to rephrase to make their concerns understood, but they generally drew a picture I could work from.

(and yes, sometimes the literal smoke shack—never smoked, never will, but that’s where they let their guard down, at least among non-managers)

So what the “once bitten and twice shy” parishioner is telling you is two things. First of all, they have a preference of X or Y in ministry. It may or may not be a dig, as Ed’s estimates of likelihood show. They are also telling their pastor that they either have not learned, or have learned to ignore (that once bitten/twice shy thing), Biblical wisdom on conflict resolution.

In other words, they are giving their pastor two great avenues for spiritual growth, not just one. Ain’t easy, and rhino hide’s a great idea. But when life serves you lemons….

First off, I have any number of mystical ideas why Ed, Tyler, and I all went to Phillipians 3….which in the interest of avoiding heresy, I’ll just shut up about right now. :^)

Seriously, one thought that comes to me is that in my interaction here, I’ve met (online at least) a bunch of people who are in the “once bitten twice shy” category. I’ll fess up to it for myself. Or….given that we all have our wounds….is that even a category that means much? I’m not sure.

By the end of 15 years of the pastorate, my hide was so thick nothing bothered me

At my last church, we had a major financial crisis related to Bearer bonds (these instruments are now illegal). We had $ 75,000 of bonds that were outstanding and were not known to our treasurer at the time. I can say that they never were reported on a balance sheet as debt the entire time I was there nor in any annual report that preceded my arrival (that I had access to). Surprise! They came due! Had to be paid! Guess who didn’t get paid!

My wife went back to work while I was unpaid (and her salary was half of what mine had been!)

After 2 years of no pay I myself went back to work while still pastoring

Every church bill was paid. We did not decrease any missions giving. Every bond was paid off.

The year before I left there was a select committee on church strategy in our church. Neither I nor my assistant were members. It was to be independent.

I was interviewed by this committee and they asked me why my wife went back to work. They were completely oblivious as to the events.

Trust me … thick hide!

I left a church debt free (as I did my previous church). Unfortunately I did not leave myself being debt free. That would come later.

––—

Probably most S/I readers (because of your youth) are unware of the abuse of bearer bonds. They were commonly issued to finance church construction. More on them here and here. Having a degree in fiance was a big help to me

There are people who “feel” that they can’t talk to the pastor. (I’ve heard that a lot.)

There are people who are terrible and/or tactless in their attempts to communicate.

There are people who prefer to speak in fluent sarcasm.

And there are pastors who will not tolerate criticism. They will burn members who may have a legitimate criticism and those members will carry the scars to their next church.