Providing spiritual counsel to the victims of abuse, rape, and incest

I came across this article last week online and wanted to bring it up for discussion on SharperIron because it seems like a lot of our responses to allegations or cases of abuse / rape are done ‘on the fly’ as we become aware of them. There are a lot of interesting points and tidbits here, so I wanted to share it with you all and see how we can develop a much better and more holistic approach to abuse, especially how we approach the victims of abuse and their families. Please be advised that there is a very high likelihood that non-Christians and abuse victims will be reading the responses that you post in this thread.

Sexually assaulted in a Christian home: A Victim Speaks:



…The many adults who knew of my abuse including my parents, pastor, and teacher couldn’t fathom that a child, a young boy, was truly capable of this crime. In order to make it easier to stomach, they rationalized in their minds that maybe this was simply kids playing around. These mandatory reporters chose not to report. I still bear the pain of their actions…

…Every instance of abuse, no matter how seemingly insignificant, must be reported to the authorities who are trained to handle this. It is never our place to investigate or to try to determine the severity of these kinds of actions. By not reporting these crimes, we fail both the victim and the offender. I strongly believe that if this had been reported while my brother was still a young teen and he had received intensive counseling, our family would not have been so irrevocably shattered. However, when an offender is allowed to continue in these patterns of behavior for years without any accountability or repercussions, there is nothing to stop them from continuing to abuse…



…Forgiveness and justice are not mutually exclusive. Taking the appropriate and necessary steps to report and prosecute abuse is not unforgiving. It is in fact the most loving thing someone can do, because it can help to protect other potential victims. Admitting your sin and confessing it does not negate the consequences of your actions. A truly repentant offender will do whatever is necessary to restore what he has taken. An excellent Biblical example of this is Zaccheus who repaid his debts tenfold…

…I remember sitting in church as a 12 year old hearing a sermon on marriage and being filled with shame. I already knew something was different about me; something that I couldn’t yet put into words. How do you explain what it means to lose your virginity before you are old enough to even know what that word means? I was never told that the shame I carried wasn’t mine to bear. I never knew that God could still love me with all of my scars.



Silencing victims by saying that this shouldn’t be talked about, or should remain within families, says to a victim that this is something to be ashamed of. That they are in fact damaged goods. When these crimes are called out and discussed in a public forum, the offender alone should bear both the responsibility and the shame. These matters need to be discussed not only for prevention, but also for healing.



Victims need to be heard. They need to be believed. They need to know that what happened was not their fault…