Video: David Powlison on "How specific should a husband be in confessing lust to his wife?"

This seems like a reasonable and useful question and answer time with Dr. Powlison. I thought he did a good job with the illustration of David’s sin as well. Are there any other passages that might be applicable? I can’t think of any off the top of my head.

How often should a man confess lust to his wife? What if he has 1 lustful thought per day, or a few times a day, should he come home every night and tell his wife? Or should he just tell her about the more serious instances of lust like looking longer than he should have at something or going out of his to see something he should not see.

here are my thoughts.

first, Powlison assumes that lustful thoughts is sin against the man’s wife. But really, does a person sin against another person? I think, I could be wrong, that we sin against God, and therefore need to ask forgiveness from God for breaking His law. However, our sin hurts other people, and, when appropriate, we should ask forgiveness from a person for hurting him/her. How and when in marriage this is appropriate … ?

In a parallel case, would a wife who overeats need to ask forgiveness of her husband? How often? The sin hurts the relationship (finances, appearance, lust, health), but she actually sins against God.

Also, I think wisdom in this type of scenario (or whatever) would be to be accountable more to other men rather than one’s wife and also for the overeating (or whatever) with the wife.

And some thoughts from Martin Luther’s http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/wittenberg/luther/work-02a.txt] A treatise on Good Works :

But you say: How can I trust surely that all my works are pleasing to God, when at times I fall, and talk, eat, drink and sleep too much, or otherwise transgress, as I cannot help doing? Answer: This question shows that you still regard faith as a work among other works, and do not set it above all works. For it is the highest work for this very reason, because it remains and blots out these daily sins by not doubting that God is so kind to you as to wink at such daily transgression and weakness. Aye, even if a deadly sin should occur (which, however, never or rarely happens to those who live in faith and trust toward God), yet faith rises again and does not doubt that its sin is already gone; as it is written I. John ii: “My little children, these things I write unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an Advocate with God the Father, Jesus Christ, Who is the propitiation of all our sins.” And Wisdom xv: “For if we sin, we are Thine, knowing Thy power.” And Proverbs xxiv: “For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again.” Yes, this confidence and faith must be so high and strong that the man knows that all his life and works are nothing but damnable sins before God’s judgment, as it is written, Psalm cxliii: “In thy sight shall no man living be justified”; and he must entirely despair of his works, believing that they cannot be good except through this faith, which looks for no judgment, but only for pure grace, favor, kindness and mercy, like David, Psalm xxvi: “Thy loving kindness is ever before mine eyes, and I have trusted in Thy truth”; Psalm iv: “The light of Thy countenance is lift up upon us (that is, the knowledge of Thy grace through faith), and thereby hast Thou put gladness in my heart”; for as faith trusts, so it receives.

See, thus are works forgiven, are without guilt and are good, not by their own nature, but by the mercy and grace of God because of the faith which trusts on the mercy of God. Therefore we must fear because of the works, but comfort ourselves because of the grace of God, as it is written, Psalm cxlvii: “The Lord taketh pleasure in them that I fear Him, in those that hope in His mercy.” So we pray with perfect confidence: “Our Father,” and yet petition: “Forgive us our trespasses”; we are children and yet sinners; are acceptable and yet do not do enough; and all this is the work of faith, firmly grounded in God’s grace.

… . Lo! thus must thou form Christ within thyself and see how in Him God holds before thee and offers thee His mercy without any previous merits of thine own, and from such a view of His grace must thou draw faith and confidence of the forgiveness of all thy sins. Faith, therefore, does not begin with works, neither do they create it, but it must spring up and flow from the blood, wounds and death of Christ. If thou see in these that God is so kindly affectioned toward thee that He gives even His Son for thee, then thy heart also must in its turn grow sweet and kindly affectioned toward God, and so thy confidence must grow out of pure good-will and love — God’s love toward thee and thine toward God. We never read that the Holy Spirit was given to any one when he did works, but always when men have heard the Gospel of Christ and the mercy of God. From this same Word and from no other source must faith still come, even in our day and always. For Christ is the rock out of which men suck oil and honey, as Moses says, Deuteronomy xxxii.