Why Churches Should Excommunicate Longstanding Non-Attenders
“It’s good to have a more accurate membership roll. But it’s best to pursue these non-attenders toward a specific end: removal if they’re attending another gospel-preaching church, restoration if they’re happy to return, and excommunication if they’re either unwilling to attend church anywhere or unable to be found.” - 9 Marks
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[Jonathan Charles]I don’t think it has to feel pathetic, since it’s not really a boy-girl dating situation. Couldn’t it be more like another guy who’s been going on fishing trips with you for a while and then stops joining you on those trips? Would it feel pathetic to call that guy up to tell him you’ve missed him and would like to see him again?In my opinion, a bigger issue than this is that, more and more, Christians attend a church without ever joining. When such people stop attending, it puts the church in a difficult position of knowing if and how to pursue them. It has made me feel like a guy who calls a girl who stopped calling him to find out what he did. It feels pathetic.
I am somewhat amused about the comparison of church membership to dating, but (as one who admittedly was terrified of asking girls out when young) it makes some sense—really I would argue that in a way, it says that we as a culture might do well to figure out how we can learn to approach others comfortably. Might help the rate of turnover in our churches.
Aspiring to be a stick in the mud.
[M. Osborne]I’m not sure of the dynamics of “never responds,” if the person has been explicitly asking for a response and not getting one, or just leaving periodic messages / texts.
But I would attempt to call the pastor and/or elder and ask for a phone conversation; and if that kind of thing has gone nowhere, then be sure to state specifically that the phone conversation would be about the non-responsiveness. It’s certainly appropriate to say, “Hey, I needed spiritual support during this time, and it hurt not to have it from you. Can we take steps to address this going forward?”
How the pastor and elder respond to that will tell the person far more about them than the initial behavior does. It could fall into the range of “wow, so sorry that we’ve hurt you; yes we’ve been busy but we should have been there; we will take steps not to drop that ball again” to simple excuses to plain old defensiveness.
Where to go from there, especially if it’s an unsatisfactory response, depends on too many variables about the other members in the congregation. A healthy congregation with mature believers would want to address a stubborn or defensive leader.
Thanks for your response. Rather than wanting spiritual support, I think the guy is most disappointed at the lack of “friend support.” That’s is his problem. He thought the pastor was his friend, not just a pastor. When a loved one dies, we need spiritual support, but we also need friends to just be friends. I feel for the guy because he really thought this pastor and elder were friends. So, aside from the spiritual situation, it turns out the two didn’t really value his friendship. That makes attending church “weird.”
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