TGC National Conference Rebrands As ‘Calvi-Con’

Jim
Fundamentalism & Evangelicalism
Babylon Bee
TGC

In a surprising late announcement, The Gospel Coalition has changed the name of its annual TGC National Conference to “Calvi-Con,” founder Tim Keller announced in a video on the ministry’s website Thursday. Attendees are encouraged to cosplay as their favorite dead reformer or Calvinistic figure at the annual conference. Halloween and costume shops nationwide have confirmed that powdered wigs and 16th-Century-style scholars hats are flying off the shelves at an unprecedented rate since the announcement. “We’ve already placed two bulk orders for more powdered wigs, but we can’t keep up with the demand,” one shop manager told reporters. Meanwhile, florists across the country report that they are running dangerously low on tulips, as they have been snapped up by zealous Reformed Christians in anticipation of the conference next week.

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Bert Perry
Fri, 03/31/17 1:00 pm

I didn’t catch that this was a joke….thanks, Jim!

Aspiring to be a stick in the mud.

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Jim
Sat, 04/01/17 12:50 pm

Man Prepares To Rededicate Life To John Piper At TGC Conference

According to sources close to Rucker, the man takes an opportunity near the end of each TGC National Conference to re-accept John Piper into his life, “with every eye closed and every head bowed.”

“When Piper didn’t even preach at the 2011 conference, Chris went through a really rough time,” his wife told reporters. “He tried to fill the void with other conferences and summits, but it just wasn’t the same.”

At publishing time, sources had confirmed that Rucker had fashioned himself a “What Would John Piper Do?” bracelet to help him remember his renewed commitment to the popular author and preacher.

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