Dear Youth Pastor (Because You Have Gay Students In Your Youth Group)

I don’t write this out of malice or spite, but I really want some feedback here. Somebody read these words from the linked article and tell me what they actually mean. Here they are:

They need Jesus, formed in your flawed flesh, right in front of them.

Regardless of your faith perspective, or your hermeneutic, or your breakdown of the “clobber passages” of the Bible, they need you to make Jesus tangible and touchable, in real-time—now.

They need to taste the Grace that points them to the Giver, and you can whet their appetites.

I’m talking about seeing them, knowing them, and loving them in a way that makes them feel truly loved; not in a way that claims to be love, or promises to be love, but one that simply is love.

What does this mean? What does this look like? What is he suggesting? I’ll tell you one thing - the author never once mentioned confronting homosexual teens with the reality and enormity of their sin. The only concrete way to point people to the Savior is to speak of sin and it’s divine solution, which involves repentance. This author doesn’t even mention repentance (Prov 28:13). He’s all about acceptance.

You may not know that you have gay students in your youth group, but if you are told that you do; if they find the courage to share that truth with you; celebrate.

Celebrate, that despite the condemnation and the hurt they may have experienced at the hands of Christians for their entire lives, they are still there, fighting to get close enough to Jesus to touch the hem on his robe and stop the bleeding.

Are they really trying to stay close to Jesus? They won’t be for long unless they’re encouraged to keep fighting against their particular sin, are reminded how abominable that sin is, and are encouraged with the knowledge that the Holy Spirit can help them overcome this sin by God’s grace.

Replace the homosexual subject matter with, say, the sin of serial adultery or bestiality - would the author still be writing such worthless, syrupy and vain words? Probably not. This author’s language is a lot like popcorn. It sounds so good, but when you start actually examining it, you find little to no substance there at all.

Would you council a teen who’s having erotic fantasies about his neighbor’s chubby tabby cat by telling him:

I accept you! I want to show Jesus to you! I want you to taste the richness of his grace! I want you make sure I don’t say anything to you that may be construed as hateful or rude! I want to show you real love! I want to whet your appetite for the Grace of the Giver!

I hope not. If you would, please leave the ministry now and join Rob Bell on the Oprah circuit. I have a short news flash for people - telling people they’re in sin usually doesn’t make them happy.

This article solves nothing, suggests nothing, and is worth nothing.

Anyone who can post this and this isn’t really interested in repentance.

I’m with you, Tyler. I am in no way defending this guy. He seems like a neo-orthodox guy to me.

On the subject of LGBT Christians, let me say something.

Ask yourself, how would you react if a person who was coming to your church said they were tempted by same-sex attraction? OK, now realize that a large percentage of males in your congregation are looking at porn on a weekly if not daily basis and AREN’T TELLING YOU.

Is your reaction the same?

If not, maybe you are focused too much on the current topic of LGBT issues, and not enough on sexual sin in general. What do I mean? I have observed that the church, even evangelicals, is all to often hand-waving heterosexual sin (adultery, pornography, fornication, divorce) while acting like homosexuality will lead to the destruction of our present culture in America. We allowed this by ignoring heterosexual sin. And since heterosexual marriage is pretty much culturally a meaningless institution with a 50% divorce rate, what does gay marriage matter? Or with rampant promiscuity what does same-sex attraction matter?

We need to clean up our own act.

My thesis is that the recent rise of LGBT acceptance is a symptom of a larger problem with sexual sin in general.

Regarding homosexual kids in youth group, it’s worth noting that among adults, the percentage of homosexuals is less than 5%—best estimates are 2-3% if I remember correctly—so the probability (binomial distribution) of at least one homosexual youth in youth group only exceeds 50% when the group size exceeds 22. So a lot of youth groups are not going to have anyone who identifies as homosexual or bisexual, even before one accounts for the fact that a lot of homosexuals don’t identify as such until well into adulthood.

Not that we shouldn’t have concern for the sexually immoral, but statistically speaking, he’s wrong when he alleges that it’s almost certain. I suspect he’s working from the old (and highly flawed) Kinsey estimates.

Think it isn’t possible? Think again:

One of the Bible teachers at my Christian school (and a Youth Pastor at its sponsoring church) came out as gay. Proceeded to leave his wife and family. He was a graduate of a fundamentalist Bible college and a fundamentalist seminary.

Did I know of any gay kids in the school? Yep. One guy (he was a junior at the time; I was a sophomore) tried to make a pass at me—verbally & physically. Did I tell the administration at the school? No, for two reasons: 1) There were no other witnesses; and 2) He was the son of a prominent IFB pastor. Therefore I doubted they would have believed me.

Another kid I knew came out as gay the summer after graduation. He contracted HIV/AIDS a few years later (he’s still living, last I know).

Larry, my comment is not to say it’s not possible, but rather that it’s not necessarily probable that there are homosexual children in a given youth group. Get a school of 100+, and yes, you’ll be almost certain that one child identifies as homosexual. Youth group of 10? You’ll see it once in a while, but not all the time.

No argument that we’ll see it from time to time, and no argument that we ought to take it seriously, just like,as Mark says, any other sexual sin. But it would be remarkable if the vast majority of youth groups had someone who identifies as such—we would have to assume that somehow (praise God?) our churches are attracting them.

We have had several young people with same sex attraction in our youth group of about 25 over the years. One girl came fairly regularly to youth group and was known as one of the few “out” kids at school. She was troubled but very popular, kind-hearted and out-going. Her Mom was prominent in town, a school board member. At sixteen she left the house late at night. walked to the freeway, and threw herself in front of oncoming traffic. Her mother had no religion, but asked me to do the funeral. It was a community-wide event. Very challenging. Mom shared with me that the girl had mental health issues for years. Of course there was no Dad.

I have often thought about that young girl when I hear about the high rate of suicide among homosexual young people. It is often attributed to “homophobia” in the culture. While I think it’s possible that a harsh personal rejection by loved ones can lead to a more depressed state, there has to be a certain deep sadness from what are plainly unnatural desires. I also wonder if other mental disorders often accompany homosexual tendencies in general.

Whether there are youth group kids who have SSA or not, one thing is more likely…the kids in our youth group may well know and like someone in their family or at school who is a homosexual, so the way we talk about people who are in that lifestyle had better be realistic and fair-minded. By fair-minded, I mean not overly demonizing them.

In our youth group of around 35, I know of one girl with SSA, and wouldn’t be surprised if there are others. The girl with SSA is an identical twin of a girl who has no same sex attraction (according to her own report). However, I am hearing reports of classes in public schools where nearly every student reports having questions about their own sexual orientation. I don’t believe we have any idea how successfully the homosexual lobby has turned the tide in a matter of years, one might even say months.

Like so many issues, the inconsistency shrieks for attention. On the one hand, we are told that people are born this way, and have no choice in their orientation. On the other hand, we have regular reports of people who had no SSA until they were recruited into a same sex relationship, or at least steered toward same sex attraction. Which is it? An inborn orientation, or a desire that can be taught and cultivated? I believe the rising numbers of people who self identify as gay is testimony to the “learned behavior” position. The old statistics of 2 or 3% are no longer relevant. Nobody knows anymore. But what is clear is that the gays are winning the day in our western culture. We are truly turning into Sodom, and no one can stop this but God. How we desperately need a genuine Holy Spirit revival!

It strikes me that if a child can be “groomed” to be willing to do heterosexual sin with an adult, we ought to assume that the same would go for homosexual sin, no? It’s worth noting as well that large numbers of people who were groomed and abused don’t recognize what happened until years later when a counselor recognizes the signs. It’s pretty sneaky.

For this reason, I also agree with Gregory that we may see very different statistics soon on the prevalence of sexual sins of various types because we’re more or less setting up a world where grooming will be more and more acceptable—even as our culture pretends to protect children from abuse.