Worshiping at the Altar of Family

“A family may support him off to the side, but he’s longing for the accolades, the respect, the riches. But I found myself, while he described the feelings of idolatry–the sense that this is my whole life, this is what I live for, this is what I dream of, this is what completes me and gives me significance–thinking that, for me, this is family. This stuff of many women’s fantasies includes an adoring, faithful spouse; attractive, obedient kids; people who depend on you, love you, give you a reason to get out of bed, regularly stand up and sing your praises. And it is idolatry, just like money, power, and fame.”

“It’s the thing that causes the mom in your women’s Bible study to post the 67th picture of her daughter’s birthday party on Facebook. It’s the reason for the magazine-quality family pictures all over the house…What makes it even trickier and more confusing is the value the Bible places on family. It is the building block of a just and moral society. It is a hedge of protection for the traditionally vulnerable children and women. The Bible has much to say about the blessing of a godly spouse and a houseful of children and includes lots of good directives on how to keep those relationships healthy and godly. Parents are charged with the precious task of directing and guiding our children’s hearts towards God, so it is easy to think of family as an unqualified good. ‘Family values’ is practically synonymous with ‘orthodox Christian.’”

“If so, then why do I feel so convicted, sometimes, about worshiping at the altar of family?”

Worshiping at the Altar of Family by Kristin and Ted Kluck

Discussion

That is a very tough situation. Impossible for me to comment. The needs of the church are what they are. The ability of your husband to serve is what it is. Perhaps now is not the time. I would encourage you to examine your thought process around your fellow brother and sister. Of all that you have said, that is the area where your greatest opportunity to love comes in my opinion. To despise a candidate because he is young brings Timothy to mind. Second, if he has the confidence of the leadership of the church, that should be enough. To refer to his wife as a basket-case is behavior I would encourage you to avoid. I will pray for your family and church regarding this matter.

Americans have a very difficult time with the concept of submission, and the last time I checked, I was one of them. It is a struggle because the sin nature, coupled with a radically individualistic culture, makes biblical submission challenging. But take heart; we have an unction from the Holy One and He has given us the victory over sinful enslavement.

I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth. III John 4

I don’t despise anyone. What we have here is a clear case of a church ignoring the qualifications for deacon. We are not required to submit to leadership that is violating Scripture.

But I don’t intend to continue this off topic path. Suffice it to say that I agree with the OP that if she feels that all she is in this world is a wife and mother, or if a woman’s expectations aren’t rooted in Scripture and reality, there are going to be problems.

Susan, I understand that some church leaders violate Scripture. I watched a man submit to leaders who allowed his wife to separate from him and they did nothing. He continued to submit while his wife divorced him and they did nothing. He continued to submit but took his case to the Presbytery. It was only when the Presbytery, in very political and in good-ole boy fashion, informed the man that his wife could legitimately repent of the divorce without reconciling with him and remove her name from membership, that the man finally decided to move on. The leadership was told by several key members (women mostly) that they would leave the church if the leaders attempted to discipline this woman. This was the second man she had divorced and apparently the first separation was also for unjustifiable reasons. This man was far more concerned with submitting to God’s plan and doing his part obey the divine mandate to submit than he was anything else.

The risk of sin enters in when you accuse your elders/leaders of violating Scripture. That is a VERY serious accusation, not to be made lightly. It is something you must be completely certain of. If you think that has happened, you must take that issue up with your husband who should approach leadership in ALL humility and ask questions to verify. But he must do so with a spirit of reverence and great gentleness. It cannot be an accusation. If there is a clear violation of Scripture, he should follow the steps in the church documents, which should be based on Scripture to address the issue. The questions I have regard the type of government, such as ruling elders, if there is an body to which he can appeal that is over the local assembly. If it is a typical independent Baptist church that does not have a plurality of elders, that would be the first problem, in my opinion.

I would also encourage you to avoid speaking with anyone about this matter. In other words, don’t talk to friends or other church members about it. You have a responsibility to protect your leaders even if you disagree with them. In every situation we must seek for behavior that honors God and elevates His kingdom. Most of the time, that requires great humility on our part.

I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth. III John 4

for all the advice, but we have done all of the above, and it’s now in the past. I was simply clarifying my pov about a remark I made earlier, because our experiences shape our perspective.