"Most of these parents remain stunned by their children's choices, because they were fully confident their approach to parenting was going to prevent any such rebellion."

As Doug Wilson tweeted about this article “Please, Lord, let this one go viral.” Read it several times.

“Exposing Major Blind Spots of Parents”. This is a great article, and http://www.familyministries.com/HS_Crisis.htm the full version is available at the Family Ministries website.

However, any parent who reads this article and thinks “That isn’t me” because they are not a homeschooler has a big ol’ blindspot of their own, and I think it is unfortunate that a great post like this will simply be viewed by some as ‘ammo’ against homeschooling itself. The pitfalls of ‘magic bullet’ parenting are there to snare any parent. Children are individuals with sin natures like everyone else, and will make decisions based on their heart’s desires. Even with more opportunities to engage with our children by educating them at home, it is naive to think that homeschooling is some kind of immunization against carnality and poor judgment. You can’t ‘force’ a child to love God any more than you can force them to go to sleep, and we are pushing the Holy Spirit out of the way when we try to substitute anything other than Scripture to lead our children to God.

There are just as many Christian parents with kids in public/private schools who believe they are inoculating their children against the world with this or that parenting book or psychological tactic. Is it because we’ve used Proverbs 22:6 as an incantation of sorts, thinking that if we could just figure out “the way”, we’d be able to slap a 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed sticker on our kids’ foreheads?

[Susan R] Children are individuals with sin natures like everyone else, and will make decisions based on their heart’s desires. Even with more opportunities to engage with our children by educating them at home, it is naive to think that homeschooling is some kind of immunization against carnality and poor judgment. You can’t ‘force’ a child to love God any more than you can force them to go to sleep, and we are pushing the Holy Spirit out of the way when we try to substitute anything other than Scripture to lead our children to God.

Excellent comment!

I think one of the problems is borrowing the concept of “covenant” children and applying it to our own. Salvation is not (humanly) genetic.

Could we please avoid generalizing about homeschoolers? Home education, for MOST, is not about producing ideal children. There is a small segment of the homeschool population that is of the uber-religious/patriarchal/covenant camps, and overbearing discipline is not a behavior confined to homeschoolers.

This is why I think it unproductive to focus parenting articles on one demographic, as if only certain kinds of parents are prone to particular behaviors or attitudes. Note how Scripture addresses and issues directives to all parents.

Maybe we should stop using the term “Biblical parenting” and start focusing more on the aspects of discipleship. When you codify a term like “Biblical parenting” you immediately create the idea that everyone has to do it the same way. I appreciate Susan’s comments about children and their sin natures. Good parenting can’t fix that. Only the gospel can.

BTW: did anyone else notice the writer’s concept of Pharisaism and wonder about it? The problem with the Pharisees was not that they were strict about their laws. It was their belief that by being strict it made them righteous. They were rejected not for their standards but for their own rejection of Messiah. They were castigated because when Jesus “came unto His own, His own received Him not.” There were a few other theological concepts that were a bit screwy to me…however, the overall article was right on. I think his main points were very well thought out.

Matt

PS: The son going off to work sounded a lot like the Amish letting their children go away for a while to see if they really want to be Amish. They get to investigate the world and then make a decision. Didn’t it sound a lot like that?

The road to Heaven might be narrow, but Biblical principles actually allow for quite a bit of individuality and creativity. We miss that if we are looking for One Size Fits All formulas. I don’t have a problem with the term ‘Biblical parenting’ when generally speaking of using Bible commands, examples, and teachings to direct parenting decisions, but I agree that many times the term ‘Biblical parenting’ really means My Favorite Parenting Method.

Thinking of rearing our children in terms of discipleship would perhaps encourage more of a nurturing and mentoring dynamic. Some parents seem to view the family as a sort of small scale boot camp. Just because Paul used some military terminology and analogies doesn’t mean that church leadership should act like generals or parents like crabby sergeants.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_-sPdDFPmais/TDEeyza4ilI/AAAAAAAAAz8/Ig6Tecst7…

Susan, I very much agree with your comments. I want to bring another perspective to the table, though.

It is significant that this article is about homeschool families, and that it was written by a homeschooling parent. Not only did the author homeschool, but he had viewed homeschooling as a significant part of his family’s identity. For him to write this article, not exempting himself and his social group from the criticism, is a profound act of spiritual humility. I was homeschooled for part of my education. My (hypothetical) plan is to homeschool. Yet, the most spiritual thing I can do with this article is to clutch the arrow to my heart and let it wound me.

As I meditate on the doctrine of justification by faith alone, I realize that one of the corollaries is that I must be willing to acknowledge all the flaws and imperfections both in myself and in the thing (people, groups, etc.) I love. In fact, without the doctrine of justification by faith alone, it is very difficult to hear such criticism. The tendency is to hide my flaws, compare myself favorably to other groups, and nurse an idea of my own superiority.

So, I view this article as an epic win both for homeschooling and for justification by faith alone. It is even more so given the temptation of homeschooling families to become insular.

“Great certitude of salvation awaits him who ponders the good in others, who often contemplates his own evil deeds, and who makes it a habit to condemn himself and justify others.” ~ Johann von Staupitz

I mostly agree, and would wholeheartedly except that the issues presented in the article are not primarily a homeschooling problem. Any/every parent can fall into the trap of trusting something- a book, a guru, a method, a lifestyle- and grant that something with the power to guarantee them the spiritual family dynamic they desire. If those dreams are not realized, if their child makes different choices, they are devastated. Or they are living vicariously through their children, trying to recapture their lost youth, and make different choices as if by doing so they can change the past. I know far too many parents who have kids in public and private schools who have exactly these same issues. Will they overcome the temptation to exempt themselves from inward scrutiny because it’s just the homeschooling families who are targeted here?

I’ll grant that some homeschooling families are tempted and even give in to the temptation to isolate themselves, but I know dozens of homeschooling families who laughingly call themselves ‘carschoolers’ because they are almost never home. They go to co-ops and take classes and lessons and field trips and play on local teams and compete in science fairs and spelling bees… To view this article as exclusive to Christian homeschoolers is naive IMO. I’ve been a homeschooler for going on 19 years, and I know too many homeschoolers personally, as well as public/private schoolers, to think of this article in any other terms than as an address to all parents who put faith and trust in men or methods instead of God’s Word and the convicting power of the Holy Spirit.

If home education was primarily about producing spiritually superior children, it would not IMO be as popular as it is amongst non-religious groups as well. I doubt most of them are thinking about raising ‘ideal’ children, but about providing them with more educational freedom and opportunities than local schools can provide.

Not only did the author homeschool, but he had viewed homeschooling as a significant part of his family’s identity.

I’m not really sure what is wrong with viewing home education as part of a family’s identity if it is, in fact, their chosen lifestyle. Just as there are ‘sports’ families and ‘camping/hunting/fishing’ families and ‘geek’ families… I think most families have a lifestyle or activity or hobby that they view as a major part of their identity, and as long as they don’t consider their identity superior to others, I’m not opposed to the notion. But perhaps that is not what you or the author meant by ‘identity’.

[RPittman] There are a number of popular myths being promoted by militant homeschoolers. I have had my share of run-ins with them over the years. Here are a few of the myths:

1. Homeschooled students do better academically.
   
2. Only parents have the Biblical mandate to educate and train their children.
   
3. Anyone can easily and successfully homeschool their children.
   

I agree that one can’t declare that all homeschoolers do better academically. They can- and that is usually the point, because opponents of homeschooling try to make the argument that it isn’t possible for a child to receive a quality education at home. But one shouldn’t counter an asinine argument with exaggerated claims.

As far as who has a Biblical mandate- I would say that Scripture doesn’t give any other person the responsibility for rearing children than the parents, but parents are not prohibited from enlisting the help of others to that task- hence tutors, mentors, etc… The problem I have, personally, is that I can’t understand how it would be acceptable to allow an unregenerate person to educate one’s child before they themselves are regenerate and of the age that they can reason out problems with what they are being taught.

Anyone can easily and successfully homeschool their children. The real statement is that some parents are not disciplined or dedicated to the rearing of their children. But any parent who has committed themselves to the task of educating their child is able to do so- there is an enormous variety of resources, methods, helps, umbrella schools, etc… There is no reason a parent cannot provide a quality education for their child in the home. But I agree that homeschooling is not for everyone- some people just don’t have the stomach for it.

I recommend http://gaither.wordpress.com/homeschool-an-american-history/ Homeschool:An American History , if one wants to examine the roots of the modern homeschool movement. Rushdoony is one of many who are credited with spearheading homeschooling. I embraced homeschooling and many of my methodologies through the writings of Raymond and Dorothy Moore.

[Milton Gaither’s blog] A second tendency in some of the homeschooling historical writing that deserves scrutiny is the growing hagiography of the homeschooling movement’s pioneers of the 1960s-1980s. While different homeschoolers have different pantheons of saints (largely based on religious affiliation), all seem to share the assumption that homeschooling was brought back into prominence through the writings and works of great individuals. Frequently cited names include J. R. Rushdoony, John Holt, Raymond and Dorothy Moore, Gregg Harris, Michael Farris, and Mary Pride. No doubt these and many other leaders played crucial roles in making the modern homeschooling movement what it was. All will be covered in this book. But emphasis on the life and work of such notables tends to obscure the larger social forces at play during these decades that might go some distance in explaining not only why these thinkers and activists believed what they did but why their views and initiatives met with such a strong grassroots response. It also misses the populist element, the reality that homeschooling’s gains have come largely from the labors of a large group of ordinary Americans, almost all of them women.

I think the fact that women were and are the driving force behind home education is a major factor. Many homeschool dads are on the bleachers, so to speak, and seldom involve themselves to any significant degree in the process. Any time the father doesn’t act as the head, the body will be out-of-whack.

We are agreed within the range of parental choice that “parents are not prohibited from enlisting the help of others to that task- hence tutors, mentors, etc…” but I would extend your listing to include Christian schools.

A lack of inclusion does not necessarily mean exclusion. ;) But as has been discussed before at SI, Christian schools often lack academic rigor, and parents with kids in Christian schools are just as prone to depending on a Christian education for the spiritual health of their child as a homeschooling parent can be. I think it safe to say that public school parents don’t depend on their school for the spiritual well-being of their child, and they IMO need to provide more in the way of ‘deprogramming’ than a CS or HS parent. So in the ends, there are pros and cons to any educational choice. One must know oneself, one’s child, and gather all the information possible to make an informed choice, instead of by default or because of some perceived pressure.

[RPittman] Susan, if you cannot think of a reason, then perhaps I can suggest a few.

1. Lack of education (Parents don’t know phonetics, history, mathematics, etc. I’ve encountered many parents who cannot help their elementary children with math homework because they don’t know the math.)
   
2. Functional illiteracy (This may or may not be connected with the previous reason.)
   
3. Family situations (e.g. Single parents who must work full-time to support the family)
   
4. Parents with a disability or dysfunction such as Adult ADD, Asperger’s syndrome, PPD, etc.
   
5. Personality
   
6. Lack of teaching ability and skills
   
7. Emotional factors
   
8. Personal self-discipline (They just don’t have it)
   
9. Lack of organization
   

All of these problems can be overcome if a parent chooses to. Now, to clarify, I am not saying that a parent who chooses another school option is wrong- IOW, not every parent should homeschool, but any parent can homeschool. Anyone who wishes to homeschool can find a solution to any obstacles they face that will enable them to do so. Umbrella and cyber schools are the #1 option for parents who themselves are not equipped or are learning disabled. I happen to know many single homeschooling parents, so that is not a complete impossibility. I know of parents who are handicapped, learning disabled, with ADD and Asperger’s etc… who have chosen to homeschool and have done a great job. One friend of mine who dropped out of school in 8th grade provided her sons quality resources and at 16 years old taught themselves calculus.

Major personality, emotional, and behavioral issues, IMO, should have been resolved BEFORE becoming a parent- but again- a Christian parent should be dedicated to personal growth and maturity, so that is not an excuse either. One should choose the educational method that best benefits the child.

This thread is about primarily about Christian parenting and homeschooling- I think delving into the existence of public schooling as a way to educate the masses is a separate topic.

So yes- anyone who wishes to homeschool can do so. Period.

SusanR.,
I’m jumping into this a little late.

not every parent should homeschool, but any parent can homeschool.

and

One should choose the educational method that best benefits the child.

It seems you’re arguing past the point that the ability to do something doesn’t mean that thing should be done. Sure I could let my 7 month old daughter feed herself but it may not be wise or prudent. Really I’ll be cleaning the mess up. If you’re point is to chose the best educational method for the child then surely to suggest that all can is pointless. If my transmission went out on my truck and I fool myself into attempting to fix it myself by insisting that anyone can replace a transmission - there’s how to books, youtube videos, and a variety of other people who have done it themselves - there’s gonna be trouble. No matter how much I study and use amazing resources I can guarantee that fixing a transmission is beyond my scope of reasonable ability.

Saying that everyone has equal ability is just a round about way of saying that everyone should in the end or guilting parents who aren’t finding success because after all

a Christian parent should be dedicated to personal growth and maturity, so that is not an excuse either

. It’s just a matter of fact that every individual has a different skill set, even the Scripture sets this principle out (the Spirit gifts us all differently…the Church is instructed to find people who are capable of teaching, not just anyone will do). Some parents may not have the necessary gifts to homeschool their children well.

I’ll forgive your lack of witty subject, but will reserve the right to interpret my own posts. I hear, on a regular basis, reasons why parents, who say they would prefer to homeschool, believe that they can’t homeschool. Say you don’t want to, say you don’t believe it is best for your child, but don’t say you can’t, because you can.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but waking a child up in the morning, feeding them a Poptart, and putting a DVD in a DVD player or computer is not a gift given to certain parents and not to others. If a child would do better academically, socially, or spiritually in the home, any parent can provide the environment and resources needed to home educate. Parents teach their child to eat independently, walk, and go potty. They are often the ones who teach their child to count and to read their first words. And then they turn around and say “I am not gifted with teaching”?

And if that isn’t ironic enough, the same parents who tell me they can’t homeschool often comment about the hours they spend in the evenings helping their children with their homework. People, if you are spending hours helping your kids with their homework, you ARE homeschooling. ;)