How Much Influence Does A Church's Stand Have On Divorce?

There’s one vote for each option at this point. Hmmm… http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php] http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-think005.gif

I went with “Much influence; people who attend a church in which the leaders emphasize marital commitment are much less likely to divorce”. I think the Word of God is the power that changes lives, and churches faithful to emphasize Biblical principles will reap the fruit of that.

And maybe I’m just feeling good because I had biscuits and sausage gravy for breakfast. But it’s an optimistic choice and I like it.

I think if you are talking about once a couple has started down the path, then the church probably has very little influence. However, before it gets to that point I think a church can have a great impact. I just don’t think many churches adequately fight this battle until it’s too late.

I did hear of one church where the pastor bragged that he had never had a divorce occur on his watch. At least one couple that went to him for counsel couldn’t/wouldn’t reconcile. He had them disciplined out before the legal proceedings were done. Kept his no-hitter intact.

I chose the “churches that talk tough…” option.

My observations would suggest, though, that this is putting it mildly. Some of the churches that talk tough have way more divorces.

What’s gone wrong?

1. Too little Biblical instruction on having a good marriage. And I’m not talking secular wisdom with Bible verses attached.
   
   
2. Instruction on divorce that lacks context and depth. We don’t really teach divorce well — in fact, we don’t really teach it the same as the church down the road, usually.
   
   
3. A lack of good relationships between spiritual leaders and congregation. By the time the couple says “Let’s get divorced”, sin has been going on by at least one of them, and usually two, for a very long time. Why was this not noticed, discussed, and headed off before it got to this crisis point?
   
   
4. A lack of good instruction to the men. In every case that I know, the man’s failures start the process. It may be merely a failure to be loving and kind, or to spend time with the wife, but it’s still his starting it. The man also seems to be the only one who can fix it, by repenting, and demonstrating a change, in sufficient time. That’s why my 3rd point is important.
   
   

I would add that foundational teaching aimed at children and teens is lacking. By the time they are married, young people already have a skewed view of relationships. I don’t care much for the dating vs. courtship debate, but in either camp, not much is being taught about the sacred nature of marriage, the Biblical typology, the meaning of love and commitment, and developing good character in oneself, and expecting good character in one’s potential mate. Kids think love is Meg Ryan meeting Tom Hanks and lightning strikes. They are attracted by the surface and have no idea how to discern depth of character. Several horses have left the corral if you start teaching about relationships when the young folks are sitting in the College/Career or Singles class IMO.

I’ve attended a couple of churches that had maybe one or two divorces in over a decade, and it wasn’t because couples were disciplined out or anything like that. There was some healthy accountability amongst the congregation and solid teaching from the pulpit. All of the couples that were divorced did so either before they were saved, or because an unbelieving/backslidden spouse committed adultery and left.