We’re in the thick of what one sociologist calls “the changing timetable for adulthood.”
Why are so many people in their 20s taking so long to grow up? The median age at first marriage in the early 1970s, when the baby boomers were young, was 21 for women and 23 for men; by 2009 it had climbed to 26 for women and 28 for men, five years in a little more than a generation. Sociologists traditionally define the “transition to adulthood” as marked by five milestones: completing school, leaving home, becoming financially independent, marrying and having a child. In 1960, 77 percent of women and 65 percent of men had, by the time they reached 30, passed all five milestones. Among 30-year-olds in 2000, according to data from the United States Census Bureau, fewer than half of the women and one-third of the men had done so. A Canadian study reported that a typical 30-year-old in 2001 had completed the same number of milestones as a 25-year-old in the early ’70s.
This is one of my hobby horses- the artificial construction of a time of life called ‘adolescence’ (not to be confused with puberty) that has now blossomed into the infantilization of young people until they are nearly able to qualify for Social Security. Oy vey.
JEFFREY JENSEN ARNETT, a psychology professor at Clark University in Worcester, Mass., is leading the movement to view the 20s as a distinct life stage, which he calls “emerging adulthood.” He says what is happening now is analogous to what happened a century ago, when social and economic changes helped create adolescence — a stage we take for granted but one that had to be recognized by psychologists, accepted by society and accommodated by institutions that served the young. Similar changes at the turn of the 21st century have laid the groundwork for another new stage, Arnett says, between the age of 18 and the late 20s.
via http://pajamasmedia.com/instapundit/104991/ Instapundit :
New York Times, I have your answer.
It’s a question based on the very-well-documented sociological differences between my peers and all those who came before us. Unlike our parents who hit the job-marriage-kids goals at a traditional pace, “[Today] the 20s are a black box — and there is a lot of churning going on in there,” reports the Times.
That churning equals “identity exploration, instability, self-focus, feeling in-between,” the opposite of what was/is traditional adulthood (choosing a path, settling down, and creating a stable life for you-plus-family).
As a person who took from graduation to her five-year college reunion to even choose a path, I can attest to the churning. I have churned, (edit) near professionally.
I have also talked to dozens and dozens of 20-somethings over my years writing the blog about what it feels like inside that “black box.” While it is a stretch to say the experience is universal (some people do not have the means to not know what they’re doing at 25, but that’s a whole other article), many of us do feel less focused and less certain. We are more driven by our personal interests than family-oriented ones.
And our goal is to get to the right place, not to get there at the “right time.” It’s not that we don’t know what it means to be an adult and how we’re supposed to do it — it’s that we do.
We are painfully aware that decisions in our 20s lay the foundation for all of adult life. We know exactly how old our parents were when they had us, and exactly what they sacrificed as a result. We know that time is precious, age isn’t really just a number, and having kids changes everything.
So, we can absolutely see the forest through the trees. We just figure it’s best to deliberately navigate through those trees so we arrive at the forest in one (better) piece. And — this may just be the crux of it — we don’t see why we should rush. We were raised not to.
"Our task today is to tell people — who no longer know what sin is...no longer see themselves as sinners, and no longer have room for these categories — that Christ died for sins of which they do not think they’re guilty." - David Wells
has anyone ever heard of chuck stecker? http://www.achosengeneration.org/
this is not an endorsement of him and i know very little about him or his ministry. but i was swinging through the used book store and picked up his book Men of Honor, Women of Virtue. Susan, this is the book for you :)
His basic message is this: Adolesence is not found in the Bible, it’s made up by psychology. Children become adults when they are able to reproduce (about 13); HOWEVER, this does not mean that they are fully mature yet (emotionally, physically, spiriutally). He promotes church’s having a rite of passage for this age, where father’s bless their sons and say they are a man now (but remember, not fully mature). He does this so that 1) kids will not leave the church 2) looking for manhood in other ways, like having s~x, for example.
That was a really simplistic summary. So don’t get into a hugely detalied discussion of what the book says just from this paragraph, please.
But, it did make me think a lot about my kids and how i’m going to train them to think about responsibility and adulthood..
Also, about the whole marrying-later-20’s-thing. I am not sure what to say. there are SO MANY OPTIONS available today that it is a bit mind-boggling, and add to that, that we ask kids from infancy what they’re going to be when they grow up … well, I have decided not to ask my kids that question. I’m not sure it’s the right way to think about the future or the present. Yes, these thoughts will naturally occur to them, but i would rather that they naturally occur, than to occur in a somewhat-pressured situation where an answer is expected of a 10-yr-old, for example.
another way that this has effected my life as a woman is the whole “seasons of life” idea. Like you have kids for a season then you can pursue other things after they are grown. but i started having kids in my late 20s, which is a normal thing now, but it’s makes those after-kids-years a lot shorter time span!
this is not an endorsement of him and i know very little about him or his ministry. but i was swinging through the used book store and picked up his book Men of Honor, Women of Virtue. Susan, this is the book for you :)
His basic message is this: Adolesence is not found in the Bible, it’s made up by psychology. Children become adults when they are able to reproduce (about 13); HOWEVER, this does not mean that they are fully mature yet (emotionally, physically, spiriutally). He promotes church’s having a rite of passage for this age, where father’s bless their sons and say they are a man now (but remember, not fully mature). He does this so that 1) kids will not leave the church 2) looking for manhood in other ways, like having s~x, for example.
That was a really simplistic summary. So don’t get into a hugely detalied discussion of what the book says just from this paragraph, please.
But, it did make me think a lot about my kids and how i’m going to train them to think about responsibility and adulthood..
Also, about the whole marrying-later-20’s-thing. I am not sure what to say. there are SO MANY OPTIONS available today that it is a bit mind-boggling, and add to that, that we ask kids from infancy what they’re going to be when they grow up … well, I have decided not to ask my kids that question. I’m not sure it’s the right way to think about the future or the present. Yes, these thoughts will naturally occur to them, but i would rather that they naturally occur, than to occur in a somewhat-pressured situation where an answer is expected of a 10-yr-old, for example.
another way that this has effected my life as a woman is the whole “seasons of life” idea. Like you have kids for a season then you can pursue other things after they are grown. but i started having kids in my late 20s, which is a normal thing now, but it’s makes those after-kids-years a lot shorter time span!
Links I found interesting:
- Older link but worthwhile read: http://www.csmonitor.com/2001/0329/p9s2.html A coddled generation
- More recent: http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4126233n] The Age Of The Millenials
- I know this goes way way back … but my Father (born 1918, deceased 1999) had all of a 10th grade education. At the age of 16 he was responsible for himself.
- A generation later:
- I lived at home until almost the age of 22. But at 19 I was expected to pay my own way (except rent and food (pretty generous!) After college graduation I was expected to move out. I graduated from college in June 1971. I moved out 1 week prior to graduation
- My wife’s parents we products of the great depression (as were my own). Her parents - both deceased were born in (as I recollect) 1917 and 1918. Kathee (my wife) lived at home until the age of 19. She moved out and lived on her own then.
- In both cases, our parents expected us to pay for our own college. (I know (as my children have reminded me!) that college was a lot less expensive back then. But on the other hand my first job out of H/S (working at the farm labor rate) was at a greenhouse making $ 1.00 per hour
- I lived at home until almost the age of 22. But at 19 I was expected to pay my own way (except rent and food (pretty generous!) After college graduation I was expected to move out. I graduated from college in June 1971. I moved out 1 week prior to graduation
- My wife and I work with the young adults in our church. We’ve had contact with scores (probably well over 100 young adults). In one sad case, we know of a young adult who is so earnestly seeking the Lord’s will, that (this person) has become a virtual wanderer. Going to (major city) to work (with an ethic group), then back home, then to [foreign country] , etc. I am being purposely oblique to not provide too much information (because members of my church visit this site). Now past 30, this person still does not have a steady job. I would like to tell this person to GET A JOB. Provide for yourself! (Ephesians 4:28, “labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need.”)
Economics is a big factor. Many 20 somethings don’t grow up because they just don’t have to. As long as there is a parental safety net, seriousness of career and provision can be put on hold. In the past kids had to help contribute to the parents livelihood. Now, it’s the opposite. Parents are now affluent enough to where they can take care of adult children. They want their kid to have the freedom to choose their occupation based on what they “love” to do as opposed to do what makes more sense to live on your own.
http://www.albertmohler.com/2010/08/23/why-arent-emerging-adults-emergi… Why Aren’t ‘Emerging Adults’ Emerging as Adults?
Who or what is to blame? Social and economic forces do play a part in this story, as do “helicopter parents” who are complicit in their offspring’s delayed entry into adulthood. Henig does a good job of showing how many parents seem to be quite happy with children who remain attached and dependent. “It can be hard sometimes to tease out to what extent a child doesn’t quite want to grow up and to what extent a parent doesn’t quite want to let go,” she explains.
There is an intense focus on the self that emerges in how many of these young people explain their delayed adulthood. “When is there time to just be and enjoy?” asked a 25-year-old young woman identified as “Jennifer.” Just one generation ago, a young woman her age would have been, on average, married and well on her way to motherhood.
Christians must look at this phenomenon with great concern — not because we would heap scorn on this generation of young adults, but because we are concerned for them and for the long-term impact of this delay of the acceptance of adult responsibilities. It is not just that they are AWOL from adulthood and its responsibilities. [red] They are also missing the joys, consolations, challenges, and responsibilities that make for maturity and long-term flourishing. They will pay a steep price for this delay, and we will pay it with them.
There are deep spiritual concerns here as well. [red] The extension of adolescence (itself a dubious and problematic life stage) means further delay in accepting the kinds of roles and responsibilities that make for mature Christians. And the dangers are clear. As this report highlights, the extension of adolescence into the 20s was culturally facilitated by the acceptance of premarital sex.
Discussion