To My Surprise, I Love My Work

In 2013 I was pretty sure I’d never love my work, ever again. I’d served as a full time pastor since 2001, and though I kept some small side jobs going for fun and a little income, I couldn’t imagine myself doing anything else as a vocation and finding it satisfying.

That perspective was emotional, not theological. Circumstances led to my leaving ministry, and though I made the decision, I didn’t make it happily. The transition to “a normal job” was dramatic, frightening, and depressing. Being just a bit into middle age at the time, I wrestled with the feeling that my best days were over, and my remaining years were going to be a relatively meaningless glide to the grave.

It didn’t help that my first post-pastoral work opportunity was mindless, repetitive, emotionally draining work (though with unexpectedly good compensation).

At one point, I tried to get into a dispatch job with the Wisconsin State Police. I don’t know how close I came to getting the job, but I’m so thankful now it didn’t pan out. Talk about emotionally draining work! I was not, at the time, fit to be making quick decisions with people’s very lives immediately at stake.

Sometimes grace is a closed door!

I ended up doing work that was far less interesting than dispatch would have been, but it wasn’t going to kill anyone—besides me, very slowly.

So for a while I thought everything I did after pastoring was going to be like that: sufficiently lucrative, but uninteresting, and relatively low skill.

Pessimism tends to be my default. I have to fight it. I do fight it, because—though nobody gets disciplined out of their church for being a pessimist—it’s wicked sin. It’s faithless and indulgent. It’s a focus on what’s lacking instead of what’s been provided. It’s a failure to recognize God’s gifts, fully appreciate them, and worship Him in humble thankfulness.

It’s a failure to be joyful. Constant negativity may not be up there with murder or adultery, but we shouldn’t view it as a “small” sin either.

How theology of work helped

As much as I hated that job, I wasn’t joyless all the time. I don’t think Christians ever are, entirely—not for long. How can you believe the gospel and not be full of delight at least some of the time? So I did a lot of bouncing between the downward-dragging emotional battles and upward-pulling theology. I’m thankful to many teachers at home, at church, in classrooms, in books and on the radio for that theology. It was an anchor. It got me through those days not just as a “Wow, I survived” scenario, but as a “Wow, I grew” scenario. Several truths kept coming back to me:

• Humans were designed and built to be productive, and my work was productive.
• The world is under a curse, so struggle and frustration are normal ingredients.
• God is in control and working out His plans in my life, and adversity is never pointless in His plans.
• “In all labor there is profit.”
• Pursuit of increased quality, speed, and effectiveness is a way to reflect God’s character in my work. (He does everything at the highest level of quality and effectiveness, and at exactly the right speed.)
• God is not against me. He is for me.
• I can still “do ministry” in lots of non-pastoral role ways.
• We humans are all stewards of the abilities and time we’ve been given, and none of us knows how much time we have. (For all any of us really knows, we were “middle aged” exactly 50% of our current lifespan ago.)

There’s more, but those are some of the anchor points of Christian truth that kept me from thinking about jumping off any bridges in those days. They weren’t things I “figured out.” The word of God, the Spirit of God, and the people of God did what they were supposed to do.

Looking for something better

I kept looking for better work. When we don’t know what we should be doing but know we have unused skills, we owe it to ourselves and our Creator to keep looking for something that will put more of who we are to good use.

A clue was coming to realize how much I had enjoyed the wide variety of work I did as a pastor. There were areas I neglected, but I got to do so many different things, too, from research/study, to people work, to tech, to music. In a small church, there can be a lot of skill gaps, which can mean a wide range of opportunities. I liked that. So, after pastoring, I looked for work that would be similarly varied, interesting, and challenging in more ways than “do the same thing, but faster.”

Eventually a door opened at a tiny company doing technical editing, some writing, some planning and strategy, a good bit of research, a good bit of internet and web tech, and lots of need to improve quality, speed, and effectiveness.

That company was acquired by a larger (but still less than 200 employees) nonprofit, and opportunities to do more and different things have been pretty steady ever since. Add to that, I get to work with a great bunch of humans in a healthy corporate culture.

Lately I have to force myself to quit when I’m supposed to quit—not because of anxiety. The work is just that interesting sometimes. I still look forward to weekends, but not really because I want to stop working.

What about the call?

So, was I never “called to the ministry”? Some would say so. But even the prophets of old weren’t always prophets for life—and a pastor is not a prophet. I’m glad to have had the opportunity to serve in that role, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat if it became clear that I should. Ability plus need does not always equal duty. There are always other needs, too.

I now lead worship pretty regularly (musical and not), teach occasionally, and do a fair amount of informal ministry of encouragement.

And other than the getting up early part, I usually look forward to Mondays. With all work, there are moments of frustration, and sometimes a whole “bad day,” but realistically, this is about as good as it gets. And it could end tomorrow. I’m deeply grateful.

Photo by Dylan Ferreira on Unsplash