How Comfortable Is Your Church?
Reprinted with permission from Voice magazine, July/August 2010.
I opened the door to a freshly painted, warmly decorated church foyer. It was my first time in this rural church of less than two hundred members. People were talking together in small huddles. Some were laughing; others were listening with concern. They greeted each other with hugs. They seemed comfortable and at home with one another.
I made eye contact with a few and smiled. Some looked away; some smiled back, but none left their group of friends to greet me. I took a bulletin from the table and walked into the sanctuary…alone.
The sanctuary was beautiful. Soft music created a worshipful atmosphere. I walked half way down the aisle and sat on the end. People began to fill the pews around me. Several excused themselves to step over me, but no one talked to me. Soon the room was filled, but I felt alone.
For over a year, I attended twenty different churches with similar scenarios. I was an undercover pastor’s wife, disguised as a visitor. My mission: to observe. I chose to accept this mission in order to help my husband lead our new church family ten hours away. Dave was already there, but due to a flat housing market, I stayed in our old town trying to sell our house for almost three years. With many Sundays free, I seized the opportunity to visit other churches.
I visited all types—conservative and liberal, various denominations and sizes. I visited to learn what is being taught (and what is missing) from pulpits. I visited to know which churches I could confidently recommend to others. I visited to get ideas for programs that work and didn’t work. I attended churches to see how it felt to be a visitor.
What did I see through my visitor glasses? Sadly, all of the questions below were answered in the negative by some church at some time. However, some churches made the “Places to Return” list. What reasons drew me back?
People said more than “hello”
Did they stop to introduce themselves, or did they say, “Hi, how are you?” in passing? Did I catch two women pointing at me, whispering,”Who is she?” but not coming to ask? (Yes, that really did happen.) Did someone offer to hang up my coat and show me the location of the restrooms? Did anyone get to know me by asking more than yes/no questions, for example, “What brings you here today?”
I may have brought a heart full of needs. It may have been my first time in any church. We don’t know a visitor’s story, but we do know each presents an opportunity to minister encouragement and love, and possibly even the privilege of leading them in the final step to salvation.
The church where the woman said, “Hi, my name is ‘so and so’. I’m glad you’re with us today. Would you like to come sit with my family?” made the list.
Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it. (NASB, Heb. 13:2)
Personal contact made after my visit
Was I invited for lunch after church? Did someone offer to accompany me to the visitor reception following the service? Did one of the elders call later to see if I had any questions about the church? Did I get a form letter from the church, or a handwritten note? Churches are built one relationship at a time.
The church where the pastor’s wife sent a personal note that included, “We’re praying for you” made the list.
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord…contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality. (Rom. 12:10-13)
Members have good relationships
Did all ages greet each other—kids, adults, teens—or were there age cliques? Did I overhear gossip? Did people walk past each other without acknowledgement? Our greatest testimony to others is our unity and love for one another.
The church where I observed a woman consoling and praying with a younger woman made the list.
Walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Eph. 4:1-3)
I remembered the sermon
Was I still mulling over a biblical nugget a few days later, or was it the flashy graphics and flawless oration that stayed with me? Did spiritual seed take root, or was the experience an emotional balloon that fizzled during the week? Was the sermon packaged, or was it spoken from the pastor’s heart? Was I distracted from the meaning by a flippant, dry, or showy presentation? Did the sermon contain something for the mature believer, as well as the seeker?
The pastor that stimulated me to reread and meditate on the sermon text in my quiet time made the list.
And He gave some as…pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ. (Eph. 4:11-12)
For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires. (2 Tim. 4:3)
Members brought their Bibles
Did the congregation know their way around their Bibles? Did I hear pages turn, or did the congregation depend on an overhead? Did the people take notes? Did the sermon points come from the Scripture text, or did the pastor read a verse or two to back up his outline? We learn the heart and mind of God by listening with an open Bible.
The church that revered the Word of God made the list.
All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work. (2 Tim. 3:16-17)
Reverence for God and the cross
Was respect for God shown through all aspects of the service—announcements, music, sermon, prayer, and appearance? Were the leaders and congregation attentive to and aware that God was present, or were they lulled by meaningless formalities? Had reverence been compromised in an attempt to change from traditional to contemporary? What was the goal of the service, to promote a certain style of worship, to inspire people to be better, to grow in numbers, to entertain, or…?
The church that honored the Savior made the list.
I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ… that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings. (Phil. 3:8-10)
Prayer was important
What did the people pray about? Was the pastoral prayer packaged, or from his heart? Did prayer requests have a balance between health issues and spiritual needs, between individual needs and global needs? Did leaders give public prayer support to believers in other places? Was there a mid-week prayer service? Content and participation in prayer is a barometer of the health of the church and its individuals. The church that prayed in accordance with God’s heart and mind made the list.
… we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience, joyously giving thanks to the Father. (Col. 1:9-12)
People were involved: loved the lord and others
Did they participate to please a personable pastor? Did they think spirituality was a flurry of church activities? Did the programs meet needs, or tradition? Were they intent on developing mature relationships with Christ? Were the people willing to serve outside their comfort zones? Was attendance out of desire, or duty?
The church where the people participated with passion and courage, according to their spiritual gifts, made the list.
For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function . .. since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly…he who gives with liberality, he who leads with diligence, he who shows mercy with cheerfulness. (Rom. 12:4-8)
Conclusion
Most ministry leaders do not have opportunity to attend other churches. Even on vacation, we often worship with families and friends. Consequently, we do not have opportunity to listen to the heartbeat of Christendom.
What ways can a ministry leader get to know the spiritual influences on the community, the religious teachings of the area churches, the needs of the local population, and how it feels to be a visitor? Visit churches that meet at times when your church does not meet (i.e., Saturday nights, Sunday nights, midweek services, seasonal services, special programs and speakers.) Send board members to visit different churches every quarter or so. Give them specific things to observe. Use their report as a base for constructive discussion and proactive brainstorming. List the various churches in your community and research their websites on the Internet. Visit a different denomination on vacation.
How does your church look through visitor glasses? Does it reach beyond what is comfortable to promote spiritual growth and service? Is your church comfortable, or is it inviting?
Now the God of peace…equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen. (Heb. 13:20-21)
Connie Fink grew up as a pastor’s daughter and is now a pastor’s wife (serving with Dave, her husband for almost 30 years). Currently, they live in northwest Illinois and are between pastorates.
- 59 views
Views expressed are always my own and not my employer's, my church's, my family's, my neighbors', or my pets'. The house plants have authorized me to speak for them, however, and they always agree with me.
A lot of the other questions that Connie asked were answered positively by the members, but that first impression (that we were welcome0 was what really struck us. I’m glad to be a member at that church.
With that kind of reception, is it really any surprise that we stayed? Or that we invite others to come?
"Our task today is to tell people — who no longer know what sin is...no longer see themselves as sinners, and no longer have room for these categories — that Christ died for sins of which they do not think they’re guilty." - David Wells
Gregg Metcalf Colossians 1:28-29
[gmetcalf73] This is an excellent post and wake-up call for the church today. May I repost this on my site?Sure …. please send a check to J A M E S P E E T :)
I wonder how the church I serve in would have done? I only hear back from people who tell me how warm and friendly our church is. The people who don’t find us that way never tell me. They’re probably gone by the time I make it out to the foyer after service. I fear I’m left with only hearing one side of that matter. And even if they did tell me we were unfriendly, I might not accept their testimony and chalk it up to them being somehow defective. I can be that way.
And then there are those folks who come but give non-verbal cues that they don’t desire human contact. We’ve all learned to read them - looking down, emotionless face, moving away from people, not moving toward them, etc. I encourage our folks to be sure to meet those they don’t know, but sometimes the person who is visiting makes it clear they feel uncomfortable. Should our folks see past that? Yes. But do they? Not always, right?
Then again, so much of this is entirely subjective. We are called to go to church. Not to observe, but to worship. Church looks different depending upon where the visitor is coming from. Those who come to observe find themselves in the seat of judgment and evaluation. Those who come to worship Christ are grateful for any good thing they might catch falling from the Master’s table.
Along this line, we are called to go to church and render worship, not experience worship. Prayer, singing, giving, listening to God’s word - these are activities offered to the Lord by worshipers. We are also called to serve, and it impossible to guess at how deeply a single body of needy believers could have served over the course of more than a year. It may well have rendered eternal reward.
[gmetcalf73] This is an excellent post and wake-up call for the church today. May I repost this on my site?Probably better check with Voice magazine. We received permission to “reprint” it here. There is a contact form http://setup.finalweb.net/site/cpage.asp?sec_id=140001498&cpage_id=1400…] on this page at the IFCA website. I think that’s what I used the first time.
[Ted] I wonder how the church I serve in would have done?Well, this is really the question you’re supposed to ask… so it worked. :)
As for the perspective of an observer/judge, I think we’d all agree it should not be the norm. But as Jim has suggested, that perspective can also be very helpful to church leaders who (as the article points out) rarely get a chance to do much of that kind of evaluating.
I have also seen the kind of visitor who transmits “leave me alone” signals. It’s a tough call in those situations, I think. Some will warm to you if you give them lots of space and time and don’t “smother” them. Others expect you to go after them a bit. No one size fits all there. But it is important to note that not everybody likes the kind of welcome Jay described. Personally, I like to be greeted by one or two and to have a conversation or two that goes beyond “Hi.” But I don’t like to make a scene or be the focus of a whole lot of attention.
Views expressed are always my own and not my employer's, my church's, my family's, my neighbors', or my pets'. The house plants have authorized me to speak for them, however, and they always agree with me.
This article is worthy of printing, copying and passing out at the church prayer meetings that take place this week. I am glad SI makes it easy to print and Jayne, my secretary, already has it copied and ready to pass out tonight.
One problem the article did not deal with — sometimes a church which is struggling (financially challenged, legalistic, in turmoil, etc.) will actually do a good job at “putting on the dog” for unsuspecting visitors, and once they are drawn in it can take years for them to unravel the real story of what is happening in the situation. Once this happens to you, you become even more “discerning” about visiting churches…but I am not sure what the solution is…
Probably the most humorous thing that ever happened to me as a visitor (in hindsight) was when I went to a little country church to fill the pulpit. The church was surrounded by cornfields on winding country roads, and we were “late” trying to get there for Sunday School. Once we got there, we got the few stragglers corralled and I taught an adult SS lesson, complete with overhead transparencies on a barely functioning projector.
Come to find out later that the church does not have SS in the summertime, and we weren’t late for SS, we were 45 minutes early for church. Whoops… :~ (The pastor had told me to teach SS when he invited me.)
Church Ministries Representative, serving in the Midwest, for The Friends of Israel Gospel Ministry
[Paul J. Scharf] One problem the article did not deal with — sometimes a church which is struggling (financially challenged, legalistic, in turmoil, etc.) will actually do a good job at “putting on the dog” for unsuspecting visitors, and once they are drawn in it can take years for them to unravel the real story of what is happening in the situation. Once this happens to you, you become even more “discerning” about visiting churches…but I am not sure what the solution is…A visit is even less than a snapshot- it is maybe the bottom right hand corner of a much larger picture, but if one’s spiritual discernment is thoroughly exercised, I think the instinctive response can be fairly valid. I think the outline given is reasonable and helpful, and would be beneficial for every church member to file in the For Future Reference area of the subconscious.
[Ted Bigelow] We are called to go to church. Not to observe, but to worship. Church looks different depending upon where the visitor is coming from. Those who come to observe find themselves in the seat of judgment and evaluation. Those who come to worship Christ are grateful for any good thing they might catch falling from the Master’s table..Yes, that is true that we are called to worship, not observe. However, observation is very important to find a church that facilitates worship. The criteria in my church-search was to find a place that facilitated my worship. Maybe the next person would have different criteria, but these are the things important to me. The important thing is identifying the things that are important from a biblical directive but also from an individual perspective.
On the other hand, I entered into my church-search journey not only for me, but also so I could get ideas to help my husband in his ministry and to help our congregation be a better congregation. I used my eyes and ears on their behalf.
I’m glad the article was posted now because it may give a ministry family the idea to take advantage of the time away from their church to do some exploring, which hopefully will make their ministries better when they return home. Thank you and I look forward to more good discussion on this topic!
1. Visit churches that meet at times when your church does not meet, i.e., Saturday nights, Sunday nights, mid-week services, seasonal services, special programs and speakers.
2. Send board members to visit different churches every quarter or so. Give them specific things to observe. Use their report as a base for constructive discussion and proactive brainstorming.
3. List the various churches in your community and research their denominational websites on the Internet.
4. Visit a different denomination on vacation.
Got a vacation coming myself soon. I used to pretty often line up pulpit fill on the returning end of the trip then go visit an area church. Haven’t done that in years, though. Not sure what changed. But I’m planning to get at least one visit in on this next trip. I can’t think of any time when I’ve done that when it failed to be informative… though some of the churches are not ones I’d recommend to anybody.
Views expressed are always my own and not my employer's, my church's, my family's, my neighbors', or my pets'. The house plants have authorized me to speak for them, however, and they always agree with me.
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