Parenting

The first thing I want to say about volunteerism and “giving back” is that I don’t believe in such things as an “unfair advantage” or “luck.” If you as parents work hard to feed, clothe, and shelter your children; you love and nurture them, pushing them to be responsible, caring members of society; you spend time, energy and money to ensure they have a solid education so they can succeed in life—then you are a normal family.

What isn’t and shouldn’t be accepted as normal is neglectful, violent, or substance-abusing parents. Children aren’t “lucky” because their parents don’t beat them or there’s actually nutritious food in the fridge. This attitude makes neglect and abuse the norm, and it implies that inhabiting a loving home is some kind of magical “only if you are fortunate” thing.

We understand that all good things come from God, but many good things are a natural consequence of prudent behavior—sowing and reaping works just as well for the unregenerate as for those who are redeemed. The eternal reaping comes later, but that’s not what I’m talking about here.

As Christians who endeavor to apply biblical principles to every facet of life, I think we sometimes err greatly when it comes to choosing literature on page and screen for our children:

1. We view every instance of sinful behavior as an objectionable element and dismiss the entire story on that basis.
2. We Christianize the characters, themes, and plot lines to “redeem” the story, regardless of authorial intent.
3. We assume “classic literature” means “wholesome literature.”
4. We leave teaching literature to the “experts.”

None of these approaches are accurate or useful. They represent faulty methods of literary criticism—permissivism, exclusivism, pragmatism, naïveté, and the postmodernist tendency to declare everything relative. Worst of all, they represent a lost opportunity to parent.

In my experience, one of the most difficult aspects of parenting is teaching my children about sin while not discouraging them.

While our firstborn was growing up, we were in church circles that placed an emphasis on teaching children about their sin nature and the consequences of sin. Sounds biblical and reasonable, right? However, the way this played out was to treat children like they were always being deceitful, always up to something, and couldn’t be trusted. Ever. I can’t tell you how many times I heard Psalm 58:3 quoted:

We often think about homeschooling in terms of what it means for our children; the books they will use, what they will learn, and how to prepare them for a future career. However, now that I’m near the end of my tenure as a homeschooling parent, I think more and more about what I’ve learned about myself and my children.

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Marylu and I have some longtime Christian friends, a Christian couple from the Chicago area. We were often puzzled by the husband’s behavior patterns—and so was he—until he was finally diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. After his diagnosis, he began attending an Asperger’s support group. His behavior improved; he now monitors his responses and reactions.

Asperger’s Syndrome is part of the Autism Spectrum. Autism varies from high-functioning to low functioning, and research is ongoing. But the question arises, “How should Christian parents bring up their autistic children?”

Dr. Laura Henrickson points the way in her 144 page book, Finding Your Child’s Way on the Autism Spectrum. Hendrickson is uniquely qualified to write such a book: she had been a practicing psychiatrist, believes in biblical counseling (with an emphasis on personal responsibility), and successfully raised her autistic son. She views autism as a type of personality—with both pros and cons. And she recognizes the contributions autistic people have and are making in society, referring often to autism’s chief contemporary spokesperson, Dr. Temple Grandin, who is one of many success stories.

Originally posted at Proclaim & Defend, used by permision.

(From Voice magazine, Nov/Dec 2015. Used by permission. Read Part 1.)

Our culture continues to hold fast to the same sins we read about in Genesis, reveling in perversion and condemning any who refuse to join in the celebration. So while we may (and should) shelter our family from sins of this nature, it is inescapable that we as parents will have to address these sins with our children at some level. And the place to begin, is in the beginning, where God created a perfect world and joined the first man and the first woman in the perfect union: marriage.

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But then the question arises: “Where do I go from here?” Outside the safety of the Garden, gross sin lurks on near­ly every page. You may be wondering, does my four-year-old son even need to know about homosexuality? He does, but he doesn’t need to know every last detail just yet. Sometimes it’s as much about what’s not said as what is said.

(From Voice magazine, Nov/Dec 2015. Used by permission.)

How do you talk to your children about sexual sin? That question has become all the more pressing since June 26, 2015 when the U.S. Supreme Court enshrined same-sex marriage as the law of the land. This ruling—the latest in a string of victories garnered by homosexual activists—came a little more than a week before Independence Day, summer’s unofficial halftime break. So while scores of gay rights celebrations ignited across the country, many families washed down campers and cleaned out coolers in anticipation of midsummer getaways.

But as many families got away the following weekend, they quickly realized there was nowhere to go—at least nowhere they could go to get away from the Supreme Court’s ruling. As the homosexual agenda continues to gather speed, the American family can expect to find fewer and fewer safe havens. What was only whispered about in past generations is today broadcast in the mainstream media.