Family

Editor’s Note: This article is reprinted with permission from Doug Kutilek’s free newsletter “As I See It,” a monthly electronic magazine, and appears here with some editing. AISI is sent free to all who request it by writing to the editor at dkutilek@juno.com.

Should my life extend to the 17^th of this month, I will have attained to my “Heinz pickles” birthday (if you don’t catch the allusion, look at the label on a jar). Having lost a step or two in my race with the grim reaper—a race I must inevitably lose—I am compelled to reflect on life, particularly on my life. The inescapable decline in physical and mental capacity has long since set in, and is continuing apace. I can no longer labor physically with the intensity and endurance that I not so long ago could. My mental stamina for protracted and intense study is noticeably diminished, though I hope I am much more efficient in the use of my mental energies than I was at 20 or 30 or even 40. I’m over the crest and on the back side of the hill—and have no certainty as to how long or steep the slope is on the way to the bottom.

I ask myself, what have I accomplished in these nearly 57 years? Compared to a list I wrote up for myself when 25, precious little, indeed virtually nothing that I had planned to do back then. I had set an agenda of teaching in Bible college or seminary—continuous teaching at one institution was the intent (preferably one with an extensive library). I have in truth taught much in the intervening years, indeed almost continuously and in many places and schools and churches, but without the continuity (or livable salary—I’ve nearly always had to endure the distraction of “secular” work) to accomplish the second purpose on my list: to transform class lecture notes into books on theology, apologetics, Bible topics and the like. A systematic theology and a major book on OT messianic prophecy (to replace Hengstenberg’s work) were planned, along with several other works. I have written much and diversely for publication—enough to fill a dozen books (only one of which has actually been published), but certainly much less of a lasting nature than I had hoped at 25. I have thought several times of compiling and publishing topical books “from the pages of As Is See It”: one of biographical sketches (chiefly Baptists), another of selected articles on the KJV controversy, another on the history of Bible translations (English, Hebrew, Spanish, Romanian, and more), yet another on studies in OT texts, another on studies in NT texts, and more. But since self-publishing requires a considerable cash outlay, and more considerable storage space for unsold stock, I haven’t yet undertaken any of these (so far, my efforts to secure a commercial publisher have been frustratingly unsuccessful). I fully believe that “the writing that men do lives after them.” I know well Spurgeon and A. T. Robertson and Vance Havner and Wilbur Smith and a many other men—indeed, including Paul, Peter, John and Jeremiah—because of the extensive corpus of writings they left behind. I suppose it goes without saying that the first step in all this must be to write something worth leaving behind.

One Saturday not too long ago, my husband was having a particularly trying morning. His conclusion was that the only sensible thing to do was pack everyone in the car and go fishing…have a picnic too.

I was not so sensible that morning. Had you been in the kitchen while I was attempting to wrangle a picnic lunch without any heads-up, you would have heard (out of ear-shot of the kids, of course):

“Doesn’t he realize I have three lessons to finalize today for church tomorrow?”…”How can I get a lunch together for the whole family? It would have been helpful to be able to plan for this!”…”And what about the laundry??? I’m up to my eyeballs in it!”…”The baby is due for her nap in about 30 minutes, too!”

I had had the day perfectly planned in my mind. I knew exactly how each of the little colored containers of leftovers in the fridge would be employed that day. I was going to work on my lessons while Katie napped. My laundry would be happily humming away while all of this was transpiring…blissful multi-tasking. I would get so much accomplished!

Now, to my mind, I would get nothing accomplished except watching poor little crickets meet their demise as fish fodder. I would get to chase Kate around and keep her from drowning herself. I would have the privilege of cooking lunch on the grill while the mosquitoes feasted upon me.