Your Take on Mid Life Crisis

The myth of the mid-life crisis: from one who lived through it and completely missed it!

Advantages of being over 50:

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
   
   
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
   
   
3. No one expects you to run—anywhere.
   
   
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
   
   
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
   
   
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
   
   
7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
   
   
8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
   
   
9. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
   
   
10. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the
    
    room.
    
    
11. You sing along with elevator music.
    
    
12. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
    
    
13. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
    
    service.
    
    
14. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them
    
    either.
    
    
15. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
    
    

My midlife crisis began with a desire to run a marathon. I lost, then gained, then lost, then gained weight. I’ve survived 2 marathons so far and need to begin training for a third now. But I’m still dating only my wife. :bigsmile: No crisis there!

Jim, you always crack me up.

Well, I have no clue as I am only about halfway there. I would say it probably has to do with the idea that we need to leave something behind to be remembered. To leave our place in history. When we hit 50, I would assume, we start questioning what we have been doing for the past 30 years. We realize working a job day in day out really has no point other than putting food on our table, and filling up our car with gas. We essentially, if I can use the term from Rich Dad Poor Dad, have lived in the rat race of life. Again an assumption, but perhaps we basically finally conclude with the writer of Ecclesiastes, “Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.” And we have just wasted 30 years of our life for what? To be a director, VP, CEO? Nice lawn, boat, jet skis? House on a lake, big house? Children that made it out of college, generally good kids? Someone better will replace you as CEO. Your lawn will die in a few months. Jet skis break. House falls apart. Children can change.

If that is true, then the only way to ‘combat’ the midlife crisis is for a man, or lady, to be doing something that will last. And of course the only thing that has any [U] true[/U] lasting value is that which we do for the Lord. So to answer one of your questions about what a wife could do, is pray for us that we will realize the only things that matter in this life are what we do for the Lord. And that which matters to you (the wife) is also that which we do for the Lord. To encourage us not to take the promotion if need be. To take time for those that need help. I am just kindof rambling now, but I think you get the idea. Of course I could be all wrong, but from what I have seen and read, this may be a reason.

The so-called midlife crisis for me has been in realizing that so many things are past. At 40 I felt that I could do anything. I was never one to ask anyone for help. Now I realize almost daily that I need help with ladders, heavy boxes, long flights of stairs, etc..

I think we would all like to be attractive. Not for any encounters but just affirmation. Now the only time I get a pretty smile is when the girl says, “Would you like the senior coffee?” I want to yell that I’m only 58, but the coffee is cheap:)

The crisis, if there is one, has not been about affairs or the desire for an affair but rather a sadness that youth is past. Apologies to Browning but I’m not yet at that “best is yet to be “part.

I’m at the Thoreau part where we live “lives of quiet desperation”. Will I stay healthy enough to work? Will my health outlast my savings?

Excuse my ramblings. I trust the Lord to provide for me and I will be here until he is through with me. I am ready to go. It’s just that leaving one stage of life for the next is sometimes traumatic.

[Diane Heeney] So, it would seem that some of you think there is something to this (Bro Jim has apparently risen well above it :) ), but it might be more palatable to call it “mid-life considerations” than perhaps a “crisis”.

Yes, I definitely think there is something to this, though as you say, for a Christian it’s more of a consideration than a crisis. But I have heard from many of my unsaved friends about this, and even if they don’t call it mid-life crisis, or consider it to be one, I think it’s a manifestation of that “consideration.” I’ve used it as an opportunity to witness, but even with the ease of bringing up the topic, I get answers like “Yes, but that doesn’t mean that what you believe about eternal destiny is correct.”

I am hearing that it has to do with significance, legacy, accomplishment, doing what matters (and perhaps the re-defining of this, in hindsight) and a renewed sense of carpe diem.

Yes, that’s pretty much it, and I think this affects different people (perhaps mostly men) in quite different ways. Some think there is so much to [do/accomplish/buy] and so little time to do it in, and this obviously manifests itself in varied fashion. Daniel expressed it pretty well, I think.

For me, I’m not thinking I never got a sports car, mansion, etc., but I do wonder if anything I have done will stand, either for my descendants in this life or for God. And, because humans tend to consider earthly things and I am no different, I find myself thinking about this too, although more in terms of things I haven’t experienced than in terms of possessions I never acquired.

I believe it takes a very firm focus on the things of God to avoid selfish thinking when it comes to the typical “mid-life crisis” introspection.

Diane,

For me mid-life crisis was very real. For me, it started after finishing up 13 years straight of home-schooling. When my daughters went off to college, I had to now re-invent myself. That might sound worldly, but you have to spend your days doing SOMETHING. Before my days were filled to the brim with teaching, field trips, homeschool co-op, homeschool bible study, and off and on there was chorus, geography bee and more. Then suddenly - nothing!! I desperately missed going to the annual home school convention and buying my new curriculum!! I would shed tears when catalogs arrived in the mail that I didn’t need to order from any more. So for me, it was tied in with an empty-nest. There was a real sense of sorrow over losing those fun days. It took me two years to come out on the other side. I should have been preparing for that day, but never thought of it - too busy. I feel now that the Lord used that sorrow greatly to change me in so many ways. I learned through that experience not to think about myself so much and what I think I need, but to turn outward and focus on the needs of others, mainly my husband and my fellow church members. When you starting looking for ways to help (after you get over yourself) they come cropping up everywhere!!! My husband and I started dating again and that has been wonderful - we hadn’t even realized that we never went anywhere alone!! The two years spent sorrowing and being chastised ended up bring great spiritual benefit and I feel I’m much closer to the Lord now for having suffered. I also learned to accept changes that God brings into our life not to be afraid of them. The example of Joseph in the Bible was a great encouragement as he stayed faithful through many changes in his life.

Oh just one more thing - I feel this was much bigger than just the “normal’ everyday battles we all face. It was life-altering.

I realize you are dealing more with the mid-life crisis of men, but I had to write on this, since I just got out of this!!

(This is Joseph posting, by the way; I’m Audrey’s husband)

My church highly recommends David Tripp’s “Lost in the Middle” as an excellent guide for aging issues in general, but it deals especially with mid-life crises, etc.

The idea of a mid-life crisis seems quite plausible and, in our culture, natural (i.e., flowing from the nature of our culture, way of life, etc.) if not inevitable.

Renee gave an great example of it in her own life. Often people end up in careers that they find do not express their interests, skills, etc. and are not engaging, and thus after many years in that profession, a crisis of meaning can occur. We all find meaning and identity in our work, if it engages our interests, let’s us express and develop our skills, etc. (Malcom Gladwell , drawing on pyschology, writes about the idea of “meaningful work,” in his book Outliers). Alternatively, one can be perfectly happy in one’s work, as Renee seemed to be, but find that around mid-life one’s personal situation changes in drastic ways, and all of the meaning-giving activities that contributed to your sense of identity are removed, which leaves a real problem. I think by “mid life crisis” most people mean just that: an identity crisis that’s correllated with a certain season of life.

Personally, I think some one of the most helpful ways to think of identity crises are through the resources of philosophy, not psychology, although I’m not discounting any contributions the latter can make. The things that contributes to our identity are manifold, but familiar: culture, family, friends, beliefs, actions (whose meaning depends on our beliefs which they express and embody). When things in these areas (and others) start changing or looking as if they could very plausibily be different than what they are (e.g. when your kid’s leave the house, or when you move into a new culture and realize that are different ways of doing most things you took for granted, etc.), our sense of who we are can easily be threatened.

I’ll leave it at that, hoping that’s helpful and not obscure or befuddling. Examples could be given, but I don’t want to lengthen this post further.

A mid life crises is a continuation of the young life crises and prelude to the old life crises.

Glorification solves the crises problem!

The book I am working on regarding the “Mid Life Crises” will come with a CD that can be loaded on your computer to guide you through your own Mid Life Crises.

Hi Diane,

Yes, I’m new on here. I do go by just Renee. Sharper Iron is now part of my post mid-life crisis therapy. :) I agree about the balance. Humanly speaking, we should not put all our “happiness eggs” in one basket. I should have developed other parts of my life those 13 years, but even if I’d thought of it, I don’t know if I could have. I realized one day that I’m in an odd situation - a lot of women my age (50) have grandchildren or they have 5+ children of their own and by the time they are done raising their own kids, they are almost sure to have grandchildren. Since we had only two children and had them relatively “late” ( my girls are 23 and 20) I’m in this weird in-between phase (done raising my kids, but no grand-kids yet, and I have a husband that is gone from the home 11 hours a day) that most of my friends don’t have to cope with. Then mix all of that up with hot flashes (sorry men) and big changes for me at church right at the same time (2007) -very good friends left our church, our discipleship group of over 5 years dissolved, all new Adult Sunday School format. I felt nothing in my life was the same. I thought about going out and getting a real JOB but I was afraid - hadn’t worked since 1986. I have joined Curves, a book club, the missionary committee, do the church email prayer wheel, work in the church bookstore, help an elderly man with his paperwork, have started projects around the house I never had time for before (filing cabinet, family tree). So now I feel I have a purpose again. I think that was the bottom line for me - I need to feel I had a purpose for existence. I think that might be where Joseph (Audrey’s husband) is right about the philosophy part rather than psychology. I had to go slowly carefully adding one thing at a time. I wanted to let Christ make my life matter, instead of me trying to fill it all up as fast as I could with busywork. Mourning and then accepting the changes at church was a big milestone too. I had to get over myself and move on and make new friends!! The Lord saw me through to the other side for which I am grateful!

Oh Joseph, I am very eager to read the book, Lost in the Middle by David Tripp. Thanks for recommending it!

I haven’t had a mid-life crisis yet, as I also have 10 more years of homeschooling- my plan right now is to sleep through any mid-life crisis that may arise when the last one graduates. Wake me when I’m old enough to go on Social Security.

I do believe, as others have said, that what most call a mid-life crisis is the realization that we have more years behind us than ahead of us, and that the reality of our mortality is clearer to us. For the world, this means The End, but for the Christian, it is truly a beginning.

Diane - AH you have proved my theory - by the time you are done raising your 3 year old, you will likely have several grandchildren from your 12 and 9 year old and will not have the gap I have. Also, by the time you finish raising the 3 year old, your husband could likely be retired and you will have someone to spend your days with rather than being alone all day. I have found very few women in my situation. But all that said, I am now trying very hard not to make the same mistake twice - I am trying to guard against putting all my happiness eggs in the ‘grandchildren” basket although I’d love to color, bake cookies and read stories. :)

My situation is not one where I look back and just feel I was on a hamster wheel of busy-ness and wonder where it got me. In my case, I felt what I was doing was the most important job I’d ever had - I think that is why it is hard for me to “top” that now. Both my girls have flourished at college and both have maintained almost 4.0 GPA and my eldest daughter is a successful nurse and pursuing her master’s degree - I feel I had a part in that by instilling in them the love of learning. I took Spanish and Algebra I right along with them! (I opted out of physics or chemistry with them. Ha)

For Susan, my mortality was also not an issue - it was simply “What am I going to do with my life now” and mourning the end of a career I loved. It was sort of a “forced retirement” I’m sure every mid-life crisis has different angles to it - no two are probably exactly alike. I can say honestly that when I turned 50 it HELPED me - I was so happy to be done with “49” and it was the start of a new fresh decade and just a fresh start of everything.

Diane, I think you are on the mark with the theory that we are pilgrims here - not permanent residents - maybe God takes us through these changes to remind us of that! I was way too “attached” to earth!! I do have a much more eternal perspective now than I did.

[Renee Suzanne] Hi Diane,

Yes, I’m new on here. I do go by just Renee. Sharper Iron is now part of my post mid-life crisis therapy. :) I agree about the balance. Humanly speaking, we should not put all our “happiness eggs” in one basket. I should have developed other parts of my life those 13 years, but even if I’d thought of it, I don’t know if I could have. I realized one day that I’m in an odd situation - a lot of women my age (50) have grandchildren or they have 5+ children of their own and by the time they are done raising their own kids, they are almost sure to have grandchildren. Since we had only two children and had them relatively “late” ( my girls are 23 and 20) I’m in this weird in-between phase (done raising my kids, but no grand-kids yet, and I have a husband that is gone from the home 11 hours a day) that most of my friends don’t have to cope with. Then mix all of that up with hot flashes (sorry men) and big changes for me at church right at the same time (2007) -very good friends left our church, our discipleship group of over 5 years dissolved, all new Adult Sunday School format. I felt nothing in my life was the same. I thought about going out and getting a real JOB but I was afraid - hadn’t worked since 1986. I have joined Curves, a book club, the missionary committee, do the church email prayer wheel, work in the church bookstore, help an elderly man with his paperwork, have started projects around the house I never had time for before (filing cabinet, family tree). So now I feel I have a purpose again. I think that was the bottom line for me - I need to feel I had a purpose for existence. I think that might be where Joseph (Audrey’s husband) is right about the philosophy part rather than psychology. I had to go slowly carefully adding one thing at a time. I wanted to let Christ make my life matter, instead of me trying to fill it all up as fast as I could with busywork. Mourning and then accepting the changes at church was a big milestone too. I had to get over myself and move on and make new friends!! The Lord saw me through to the other side for which I am grateful!

Renee, you sound EXACTLY like me. My youngest will graduate from our homeschool next June. I’ve been spending the past year or so praying that God will reveal to me what he wants me to do with my time when she’s done. There are several options in front of me right now that I’m seriously praying over and considering. One of them is returning to work full-time in an office that I worked in for many years. I haven’t worked in that position (court reporter for the military) for 10 years, in fact never actually did that job in the legal office, but am very familiar with the environment. The other job is a ministry position, volunteer for now but has the potential of being a missionary-supported position next year. The paid job is very attractive, not only because my son starts a christian college this fall, but I will actually be financially contributing to our retirement and thus allowing for the possibility that when my husband chooses to retire, we can do so much more for ministry - which is his strong desire. So, I’m there.

Mid-life crisis? It can be (and in my ex-husband’s case, was) a cover up for deep seated unhappiness and sin. It should be a time for growth and introspection, but if we let selfishness and a worldly attitude of “I deserve happiness and all that I can get” take over, then we’re doomed.

Diane - rest assured, I knew you were speaking in a general sense and was not offended in the slightest, and yet at the same time I was concerned (because I had mentioned how many activities we were involved in), that you might have gotten the impression I thought my life was full of pointless busy-ness and I just wanted to clarify.

I want to also clarify in this post that I do realize to my shame that I was full of self-pity. No description of how self-absorbed I became would be an exaggeration! That also (I believe) is what led to severe depression (I lost 30 pounds because I could not eat and I slept 90 minutes to 4 hours a night.). Now I thank God every day for giving me my joy, my fatness, and my sleep back. :) I took comfort in knowing God chastises those He loves and what He took me through made a new person of me, but it would have been much better if I had not fallen into the pity party from the beginning, of course. I fell into a trap of “if only” thinking. A book that really helped me was “Humility” by Andrew Murray. It is probably on the internet for free somewhere. Another was “Abide in Christ” also by Andrew Murray I think or Tozer - I know for sure that is on the internet..

Teri - you are very smart to be thinking AHEAD of time what you will do. I trust the Lord will guide you in what is right for your family. It just never dawned on me to think about this life change until I suddenly found myself alone 11 hours a day after having been with my girls 24/7 for 13 years. I considered going back to work, but just couldn’t figure out how I would get everything done around here, plus I admit I was afraid to get back in the work force. I always wonder how working women manage - grocery shopping, meal planning, laundry, ironing (my husband wears shirt and tie every day), all the paperwork, cleaning, all the church work , along with trying to exercise etc.- these are things I spend 8 hours a day doing. I couldn’t imagine stuffing them all into a Saturday. I know it must be possible since so many women are doing it!! They probably don’t spend time on facebook and sharper iron like myself!! :) I do know that it seems the more you have to do, the more efficient you become! I’m in a situation now where both daughters are here for the summer, and both are working and taking classes, so I have tons to do to make their life easier.

Thanks for article from the Baptist Bulletin - it was very interesting for me to read since I was just asked last week to consider a mentoring opportunity at my church. I realize now that I am one of the OLDER WOMEN Titus talks about!! I am going to take this on and see how God can use me.

Hi Diane,

Our pastor recently preached a sermon on this topic and referenced the book by Mr. Tripp. Here’s the link if you are interested http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?sid=6809104160

Oh wow! They are a great Pastor and Pastor’s wife.

You are right about Greenville, it seems to all be connected somehow.

Diane,

I think I hit this stage around 40 and still am muddling through at 44. There are two areas that this mid-life consideration mainly pertains in my experience. First, physically. My dad reminded me to play tennis now competitively because if I get into 50’s or 60’s its basically too late. I get it. So I’m happy that I can still keep up with my 12 year old in teaching him tennis and still can beat most others. I am thinking about playing competitively but can’t get over the time commitment. It could be a ministry though. Summary: it helps men in their mid-life to be physically active…makes you feel good about your past, present and future.

Spiritually. I think the aspect of accomplishment is the key consideration. At 40-44 I am doing constant analysis of what I have done and what I do trying to filter out the unnecessary, the stupid, the weaknesses, the sin etc etc etc, so that the next 20-30 years is more profitable for God, family and self. I also am doing far more serious extrapolation of ministry methods correlated to fruitfulness and profit to find a better way.

Pastor Derek Jung