'Fooling' kids into learning, and other deceptions...

I agree with both of you. I'd think the primary goal is to teach kids to read for joy as well as for information, and I don't know that I've ever seen anyone successful at tricking someone into enjoying brussel sprouts or Dickens.

I give my kids a 'retelling guide' that they use for their reading journals. It's a seven point outline that helps them convey and keep certain story elements in order. For instance, right now we are reading stories and charting the plot and subplots.

I also had that feeling, Dennis, that tricking kids into doing something that at first glance might seem unpleasant robs them of the opportunity to discover that quite often their preconceived notions are going to be incorrect. I've never given my kids the idea that reading challenging material or the classics is boring, or that higher math is hard, or that certain foods are unpalatable. On the other hand, as long as they give something a genuine try, I allow them to express their dislike without consequences. They may be children, but they are also allowed to have an opinion.

Agreed- murmuring and complaining are different than just expressing one's thoughts and feelings. I encourage my kids to tell me their struggles, though, so that I can help them deal with their feelings appropriately. I want them to know that it isn't the expression of their feelings or opinions that is wrong, but rather how they express them.

I've never been in the Authority Camp that believes one's children should stand on their heads and spit wooden nickles if mom and dad tell them to- of course they need to obey without question- but they also need to know they can trust mom and dad not to be arbitrary.

I think trust needs to flow both ways, which is why the idea of tricking kids into learning doesn't fly with me.

Creating an atmosphere in one's home that is geared towards a love of learning is key. I grew up without a television in our home, and books were some of my best friends. My dh and I have endeavored to do the same for our kids- although we have a tv for watching DVDs and a Wii system, they are not used very often, because we stay busy with other things most of the time.

IMO being honest with one's children is important to developing a sense of trust that will carry out through their lifetimes. If they think mom and dad are manipulative and deceptive about minor things like eating veggies or reading material, they aren't likely to take our advice at a more crucial time. IOW, if we as parents aren't faithful in the little things, our kids are not going to think we are going to be faithful about the big things.

Read this article yesterday- http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,557260,00.html Study: Parents Lie to Children Surprisingly Often

Quote:

To get the scoop on lying parents, the researchers ran two studies in which parents and students commented on nine hypothetical scenarios in which a parent lied to a child to either shape behavior or make the kid happy.

For instance, one behavior-molding scenario reads: "A parent is embarrassed by a child's crying and says, 'The police will come to make sure that you behave if you don't stop crying now.'"

Another scenario, aimed at shaping emotions, goes: "A favorite uncle has just died and the child is told that he has become a star to watch over the child." Another emotion-shifter: "A child is told, 'you did a good job at cleaning up your room' after making things messier."

In one study, about 130 undergraduates read each scenario and indicated on a scale from 1 (absolutely no) to 7 (absolutely yes) whether their parents had said something similar to them.

Nearly 90 percent of students gave a positive rating (5 or greater) to at least one of the tales.

Then, the researchers tested the scenarios on nearly 130 parents, mostly moms, asking each participant to indicate whether they had told similar lies. Parents also rated on a scale from 1 (very bad) to 7 (very good) what the parent in each vignette had said. More than 70 percent said they teach their children that lying is unacceptable. Even so, nearly 80 percent of parents indicated they had told at least one similar lie.

Their own examples revealed parental lying went beyond the little white lie in which politeness or the child's best interest was at stake. Parents were fibbing to prevent tantrums or excessive talking, for instance.

Many parents reported telling their children that bad things would happen if they didn't go to bed or eat certain foods. One mother recalled telling her child that if he didn't finish his food he would get pimples all over his face.

Others reported inventing magical creatures, with one parent saying, "We told our daughter that if she wrapped up all her pacifiers like gifts, the 'paci-fairy' would come and give them to children who needed them...I thought it was healthier to get rid of the pacifiers, and it was a way for her to feel proud and special."

Scary quote of the day- "Children sometimes behave in ways that are disruptive or are likely to harm their long-term interests," said Heyman. "It is common for parents to try out a range of strategies, including lying, to gain compliance. When parents are juggling the demands of getting through the day, concerns about possible long-term negative consequences to children's beliefs about honesty are not necessarily at the forefront."