Christians and Dating Online??? (plus survey)

My friend and I have been talking significantly about dating and Christians using dating websites!  We have realized after long discussions and many years of talking and counseling young people that they are significantly turning to dating websites!  One potential problem is that the "Christian" aspect of many of these dating websites are not really Christian or they are very loosely Christian!

Therein lies the problem.  Many people are compromising their standards to date...and they are doing it online!  Statistics across the board are that 42 million of the 54 million singles in America have used or are using dating websites. Obviously, this is something that is definitely impacting the Christian culture.

There is a link here to a survey about Christian singles and dating websites.  If you are single, would you mind filling out the survey.

If you are a married or even single I would welcome feedback on Christian online dating here on the forum.  This is obviously something that is and will continue to be more and more prevalent! This is something that Christians and churches will continue to face.  Whether your perspective on online dating is positive or negative, I welcome the feedback.  Obviously, usage of Scripture will always be helpful.

In addition if you met your spouse online, would you please give the positives and negatives of online dating?

 

SURVEY LINK:   https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/5CT2K5H

Thanks for all of your help in advance!

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Crystal's picture

I have several friends who met online that have ended up married.  They are very happy and in Godly marriages.  I know someone who has been on a Christian dating site recently.  She ended up chatting with someone on there and it clearly wasn't going to work after meeting him a couple times.  She met someone else and really hit it off well with him.  They were both fairly clear on not being serious about a full scale relationship until they had met several times in person.  They are now good friends- and she is very thrilled that he found someone (else) that he is very serious about.  She is friends with the gal that he is seeing now.  She did not compromise her standards in the least in the process and rejected many people who contacted her when they failed to meet her standards.  Online dating is a tool.  When used properly, I have no problems with it.  We actually had suggested to that particular individual that she consider it as a tool.  We were not concerned about her ability to use it wisely.  

Anne Sokol's picture

generally, i like it. i think it encourages a selection process and it's a writing relationship, which encourages dialog. I have a friend my age who's used it, as as she is very serious about her beliefs, it's been reflected in the way she handles this, too.

 

Interesting story: I have a missionary friend here-- her sister's husband was in the armed forces and served his term in the middle east. he was killed there. Before going, he had planned out a lot of things (in case of this death) for his wife before he deployed . Including being able to buy a house for herself and their child. He had also planned out for her to try online dating, seeing as she would be a single parent and not have a lot of ways to meet people and he wanted his little boy to grow up with a father.

so she eventually did this with his online dating plan, and married a Christian math teacher thru it, i thnk he might have been local even, not sure.

barellano's picture

Personally, I am married and obviously wouldn't consider dating at anytime. However, in talking with single friends in my church that are middle aged, online dating is almost a must. There aren't many middle aged women that are single unless they are widowed or have never been married which is rare in my church. It just seems that there are so many dating sites out there and you never know what you are going to get. According to my friend, when you specify you are a "Christian" in a dating site, it could mean "Catholic" or "Mormon" or anything other than Muslim. I guess after hearing that, it would be nice if there was a dating site that housed "true Christians" or perhaps a more conservative style dating site. The Lord said "It is not good that the man should be alone", and my friend is truly lonely, but it's really difficult to find an "equally yoked" spouse unless you go visit other like minded churches. Seems like online dating is a good thing that could open up more options, but it would be nice if there was a dating site that had a more conservative flavor to it. Just my humble opinion.....

Chip Van Emmerik's picture

But if all these wonderful, God-fearing, single young ladies are available on the dating sites, why aren't they just as available in the local church?

Why is it that my voice always seems to be loudest when I am saying the dumbest things?

dcbii's picture

EditorModerator

Being available in "a" local church is not the same as available in "your" local church.  Also, a church that has a number of single women may be lacking good single men.  Many churches these days are fairly small...

Dave Barnhart

Rob Fall's picture

of what the late Dr. B. Myro Cedarholm said, "One of the reasons Maranatha is co-educational is because the marriage pool is small in many local churches."

dcbii wrote:

Being available in "a" local church is not the same as available in "your" local church.  Also, a church that has a number of single women may be lacking good single men.  Many churches these days are fairly small...

Hoping to shed more light than heat..

M. Osborne's picture

Chip Van Emmerik wrote:

But if all these wonderful, God-fearing, single young ladies are available on the dating sites, why aren't they just as available in the local church?

Chip, just thinking out loud here.

In my church experience, people often come and go from churches because they're looking for people in their age range, people with children, people who are more or less like them. But the local church is supposed to reflect a unity in diversity, so that 80-year-olds and 20-year-olds learn and grow together.

Could it be that dating sites actually take the pressure off singles to leave a good local church, where they have fruitful relationships, in search of a mate?

Continuing to think out loud...of course, the local church should help singles by helping them vet godly and not-so-godly mates.

Michael Osborne
Philadelphia, PA

Christopher's picture

I appreciate all of your comments!  It is helping me think and validate all of my original thoughts!

Chip, I guess I would ask are the men in the church God fearing men?  I have come to realize in my years of ministry that many people "attend" church that does not make them God fearing.  IF they ladies are, it does not mean the men are!  And visa versa.

There may not genuinely be anyone in the church for the purpose to truly date that is really marriage material.  Are we making/forcing them to settle just because there is a single guy across the church auditorium.

I think often we try to play cupid....I guess we should think, "I am sure that the single girl is aware that there are single guys!"  And since that is the case, why are they not dating?  Maybe there is NO attraction?  Maybe they already dated?  Maybe they clash in personalities, characteristics, hobbies, and interests?  Maybe the other person does not see them as marriage material?  Maybe the other person does not see the other person as God fearing.

I think often we want to arrange for people to date people, and we get frustrated when we see that really sweet girl or that really sharp guy be single! Let me just say...there IS a reason for it!

 

So maybe online dating is a truly validated option in 2015 to help these people find someone that they might actually like!???

Crystal's picture

Something else I thought of-  Growing up in a solid church there were honestly very few guys that I would have even considered as a husband.  And no, that isn't me being picky about their looks.  Very few of them are today actively involved in a solid church-if they are in church at all.  There was 1 guy around my age that I would have said was worth considering for marriage back then.  Today he is still the only one among all of the guys that I still think that of.  He is now married to a super sweet gal that he met in college and the Lord brought my husband to my home church while I was oversees for a year.  I met him when I got back-and the rest, as they say, is history.   Almost all of my girlfriends who are now married met their husbands at Bible College.