"The pastor doesn’t know how to shuck corn" and other wrong reasons to leave a church

When people make up their minds to leave a church, the Lord will “lead” them, period. You can’t win. In a sense, though, do we really want people who don’t want to be there? They are going to leave for music, they are going to leave if their kids connect better at another church (this is almost impossible to fight), and they are going to leave over personality issues.

The idea of the church being a family is pretty much a farse in most congregations. Perhaps I have been in the ministry too long.

Ed, do you think this is a generational phenomenon? I mean it seems that with my generation on, the importance of keeping commitments and sticking things out, working through, making things work…has just…died. Get a divorce, and a new wife. Don’t repair shoes, throw ‘em out and buy new ones. Classes is too hard? Drop out.

Then of course there is our ineptitude at the process of reconciliation as well…it is easier to walk away than give time and effort to creating a healing situation.

I’m not saying there are not legit reasons to find another church home, but I do think it happens a whole lot more than it needs to. Sigh.

Somewhat helpful article but too short on sufficient analysis and arguments to support its assertions.

I will say, though, that there is one that I firmly disagree with that was list:

6. I’m Not Being Ministered to

If a person is a member of a church and cannot say they are being ministered to they need to get that issue resolved. The term, here and how Helopoulos uses it is too ambiguous though to respond with any thorough argument seeing that “being ministered to” means many things to many people and Helopoulos didn’t give a specific definition.

I grew up down south, I’m guessing “shucking corn” is a metaphor for hell-fire and brimstone preaching. I’ve concluded that the problem with Christians leaving a church to attend another has to do with a consumer mentality that has invaded the thinking of Christians about the local church. You can shop at Wal-Mart, eat at McDonald’s, or purchase on-line the products that exactly suit your taste and when something better comes along, you can switch to the better product. Why shouldn’t church be the same way?

Jason’s article mentioned covenant membership. Our church took in a family that came from a church in another city. I only called the pastor after sending for their letter (my mistake). When they joined that church, they signed a covenant that stated that if they found reason to leave, they would talk with the pastor before leaving. They signed the covenant, but 6 years later just left without saying anything. I was ashamed that I neglected to call the pastor as a courtesy before requesting their letter and I am dismayed that a Christian would sign their name agreeing to keep a church covenant and then deliberately fail to keep their word.

Diane, You wrote, “Ed, do you think this is a generational phenomenon?” Yes it is, and we Baby Boomers taught it to you!

[Jonathan Charles] I grew up down south, I’m guessing “shucking corn” is a metaphor for @#!*% -fire and brimstone preaching.

Another interpretation could be an allusion to the saying “shuck right down to the cob”, meaning “get to the heart of the issue.”

3. Special Gifts—Another faithful church in the area may have asked for you to use your special gifts in their midst for the building up of the body (i.e. organist). Never decide this one on your own. If it is a possible reason, then it is too easy to think too highly of oneself and go running to the greener pastures. This is always something that should be taken to the leadership of your current church and wrestled through.

What does this ‘wrestling’ look like, and at what point is the person accountable or responsible to make this decision for themselves? What Scriptural principles guide us in how to ‘wrestle’ with church leadership? If the church doesn’t want the person to go, but the person thinks the Lord truly is leading them to help another church, who ‘wins’ the match?

One of the reasons I ask this question in particular is that I recently heard a preacher say that once you’ve become a member of a church, you should obey the pastor, period. As in “Shut up and do what you’re told.”