The War on Men

This is a GREAT ARTICLE and needs to be circulated!!!

It’s worse for Christian men because they, unlike the men in general described by this author, want to honor God’s design for sex and are therefore not satisfied with and are not pursuing casual sex or cohabitation as substitutes for marriage.

It’s worse for all men because, if they do get married, a divorce is likely at some point — most likely initiated by the woman over the man’s objection. And in spite of the woman’s initiation and the man’s objection, it is likely that she will get primary custody of the children, so that he will have greatly reduced access to his children and a heavy financial obligation for many years. For Christian men in this group, the church likely will do nothing to help and may even enable the woman — providing sympathy, moral support, the absence of any “judgment,” and even congratulations (and facilities) when she rushes into a remarriage.

And women wonder why men of marriageable age are gun shy?

This article in a very broad brush denigrates women.

I know many many unsaved women who are not characterized by this!

AND I know many many sisters in Christ who truly exemplify the characteristics of godliness.

Men … let’s not blame women for our problems!

dmyers is exactly right. It is far worse than this article portrays.


The christian feminist movement is telling christian women that they need to find a spouse with parity to their situation, ie education, income, position in society, etc. Then they are told that they must find men who are spiritual superstars, that they should only marry men who are spiritual giants, never mind the fact that few men are natural leaders, they are told that unless the man is a spiritual leader, they should move on to better prospects.
Most of these women hold to an unBiblical egalitarian position. So they want marriage to an equal, not a husband who is the head of the home.

The facts are that of all divorce occurring this this nation, according to the The Divorce Lawyer Source,

http://www.divorce-lawyer-source.com/faq/emotional/who-initiates-divorce-men-or-women.html

Moreover, in some of the states where no-fault divorce was introduced, over 70 percent of the divorce filings were by women. Among college-educated couples, the percentage of divorces initiated by wives is a whopping 90 percent.

I currently know of three couples going through divorce. All of them are in Bible believing churches and all of them were initiated by the women.

With that kind of average to battle against, why would a guy consider marriage when the costs so out weight the benefits? I know too many Christian guys who are just living out the single life, enjoying their freedom and fighting a constant battle to keep their sex drive under control. Why follow the Biblical admonition “to marry rather than burn with passion” when obeying the Biblical principle might mean years of alimony and watching some other man raise their children?

Nobody is saying men are not partially to blame, since it was faithless men in our pulpits and schools who bought the feminist lies, telling women that they are men with dresses on. Encouraging women to get an education and join the work force, make a lot of money so that there will be more two income families in the church, tithing and giving so the church can have a bigger budget.

We have preached far too many sermons extolling the virtues of the Proverbs 31 women, failing to elaborate on the fact that she did these things while fulfilling her obligations to her husband and children, all the while ignoring the warning from Paul in Titus 2 for women to be keepers at home. And the result is a distorted relationship between the men and women.

Somehow my blockquote didn’t close.

Everything starting at “I currently” are my comments.

I agree that the situation is worse for Christian men. D Myers has articulated it well. This is the same pattern I see. The article, though, was a secular article. And, most of us have noted, the church generally follows secular society.

So how in the world can the church in the U.S. handle this? Paul says Christian men should marry Christian women in order to have a legitimate sexual outlet and thus avoid temptation (many Christians don’t like this verse (I Corinthians 7:2-5, ESV) and treat it as though it were not in the Bible or exegete to nothingness):

² But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. ³ The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴ For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. ⁵ Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Putting God’s timeless truth based upon God’s nature and human-nature, coupled with the unnatural trend in our society in which women are more often trashing their husbands [or the societal changes making marriage seem foolish] , and we thus produce an amazing hotbed for immorality. True, many godly men will stay true, but how many? Not a pretty picture.

Also, even ten years ago, the divorces or unfaithfulness seemed to be more on the part of men. I agree that is has radically shifted.

Jim, I wonder if you have noticed this wife-instituted divorce trend in people under 45?

[Ed Vasicek] Jim, I wonder if you have noticed this wife-instituted divorce trend in people under 45?

Caveat with my answer … I live kind of a sheltered life.

• Among my relatives (most of whom are unsaved): Answer no!
• Among co-workers (IT workers at a major financial institution): Answer: We have all kinds at work - even thankfully some believers. I really haven’t seen any unusual wife-instituted divorces
• In my church (and I am in a very good church): Answer: Haven’t seen it

What I have seen in my church:

• Men (in 25-35 age group) (speaking generally not universally) who are clueless about providing for themselves much less for a wife and family
• We have probably a dozen very fine godly Christian women who are wives-in-waiting for the men to step up and be real men.

[farmer Tom N]

Somehow my blockquote didn’t close.

Everything starting at “I currently” are my comments.

Should be fixed. Let me know if there’s any part of it I didn’t get right.

Thanks.

I think it might be a case of trying to figure out which came first- the crop of spoiled mama’s boys who can’t find their spine with both hands and a flashlight, or the women who are wallowing in discontent and reading tripe like the Twilight series and 50 Shades.

I think it is fair to say that a significant number of depictions of husbands in modern entertainment are of inept goofballs who must be rescued by their wife and kids.

Within my peer set, I’ve seen all kinds of divorce scenarios with most of them stemming, not from gender biases, but from false expectations about marriage. I think within western culture, we have so idealized marriage that we don’t accurately communicate what it is and what it is not. So many young people end up entering it believing that it will “save” them from all sorts of personal problems—loneliness, lust, directionlessness, etc. Of course, a good marriage does provide a context to fight against these things, but too many people enter marriage believing that the action of being married itself (the status change from singleness to marriage) will heal their private issues. When it doesn’t, they bail.

Another issue surrounding the divorce culture within the church is that we don’t champion the marriages that have survived in spite of sinful choices. What I mean is that young couples see marriages that end in divorce because of affairs or addictions, but they don’t see the ones that survive because of Christ-like forgiveness and repentance. Naturally we want to protect a couple as they go through the difficult process of restoration, but the result is that young people who are struggling through their own set of problems don’t have public examples of forgiveness and reconciliation within marriage. What they do see, on the other hand, are all the marriages that end in divorce when problems come and so by default this solution becomes the norm. When problems come, they have no reason to believe in restoration because they have no examples to follow.

[handerson]

Within my peer set, I’ve seen all kinds of divorce scenarios with most of them stemming, not from gender biases, but from false expectations about marriage. I think within western culture, we have so idealized marriage that we don’t accurately communicate what it is and what it is not. So many young people end up entering it believing that it will “save” them from all sorts of personal problems—loneliness, lust, directionlessness, etc. Of course, a good marriage does provide a context to fight against these things, but too many people enter marriage believing that the action of being married itself (the status change from singleness to marriage) will heal their private issues. When it doesn’t, they bail.

Another issue surrounding the divorce culture within the church is that we don’t champion the marriages that have survived in spite of sinful choices. What I mean is that young couples see marriages that end in divorce because of affairs or addictions, but they don’t see the ones that survive because of Christ-like forgiveness and repentance. Naturally we want to protect a couple as they go through the difficult process of restoration, but the result is that young people who are struggling through their own set of problems don’t have public examples of forgiveness and reconciliation within marriage. What they do see, on the other hand, are all the marriages that end in divorce when problems come and so by default this solution becomes the norm. When problems come, they have no reason to believe in restoration because they have no examples to follow.

Well said.

Within my peer set, I’ve seen all kinds of divorce scenarios with most of them stemming, not from gender biases, but from false expectations about marriage.

All I know is that years ago, women generally wanted to stay married and the men left. Now I see almost always the other way around. Maybe that’s just how it is in central Indiana.

I think that marriage seminars, unfortunately, have contributed to the divorce rate!

The seminars teach both husbands and wives what to expect from their spouse - good husbands do this and good wives do that!. Then when the husband or wife doesn’t consistently do what good husbands and good wives do, they don’t live up to expectations, the husband or wife views their spouse as less than ‘good.’

Last week someone tweeted that husbands should publicly commend their wives for the Thanksgiving meal and when I read it my immediate thought was WHY publicly! Why did that person think it was important to encourage husbands to thank their wives in that fashion, and why did he think that private appreciation was not enough?

I would assume that most husbands on SI (whose wives cooked the Thanksgiving meal) would have expressed appreciation to their wives, but public appreciation (to my thinking) sets the bar too high and contributes to decline in what might otherwise be solid marriages.

All I know is that years ago, women generally wanted to stay married and the men left. Now I see almost always the other way around. Maybe that’s just how it is in central Indiana.

Among my age group, it’s pretty equal opportunity—I don’t know about divorce among the baby boomer generation. Another thing that might be in play is that in the past, more men left simply because women didn’t have the economic or social capacity to. In this sense, feminism has simply leveled the playing field by offering women more financial and social freedom and thus extended them the opportunity to behave as selfishly as men had previously. It may not be that women now leave more frequently than men do today but that they are leaving equally to men.