Couples Should Negotiate Their Marriage Vows

From Room for Debate/NYT: “Marriage can be strengthened by shifting to individualized marital contracts that cover work-life balance, monogamy, finances and family life.”

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Chip Van Emmerik's picture

What is there to cover in monogamy?

Why is it that my voice always seems to be loudest when I am saying the dumbest things?

Dick Dayton's picture

I have no problem personalizing the vows, providing we maintain Biblical integrity in their content. The idea of monogamy is not a cultural issue : it is a Biblical issue. The idea of loving and serving, of focusing on Christ is Biblical, not time related and cultural. We may choose to make the words a bit more contemporary, but we must not sacrifice truth for efficiency.

If we make the vows meaningful, Biblical, and relevant, they can reinforce our convictions.

Last week, I read of an imam who had been watching a missionary for over 15 years. One night, he came to the missionary, asking questions. The reason ? He had observed the missionary living out Biblical values in his relationship with his wife and children, and the difference from the transformation of Christ was obvious.

Let us the vows and the premarital counseling relating to them as another teaching opportunity.

Dick Dayton

Sean Fericks's picture

Thanks, Newt!

I did not take blind vows to my wife, my God, and the family and church in attendance. I didn't do it because it is the status quo. I did it with a clear, rational, informed, and enthusiastic mindset. My beautiful wife has proven that she meant it as well. When I fail to meet my obligations, she doesn't fail to go the extra mile. I hope I continue to do the same. We meant what we said, and we said what we meant. We are committed to our marriage 100%! No caveat necessary!

So there is nuptial carnage lying all around us. That just makes me feel even more blessed to have the wife I have.

I do, however, think that we need to think of marriage more seriously (like an enforceable contract), rather than some sentimental and ineffectual mumblings in a tuxedo and white dress.

Dick Dayton's picture

I know an unsaved couple who saw each other through significant health and emotional issues, along with times in the hospital. After the husband died, the wife said to me, "We made promises at our wedding to be faithful to one another, and we kept those promises"

If an unsaved couple can keep those kind of vows, how much more can we who have the Word and the Spirit keep the vows the Lord leads us to make.

Dick Dayton