7 signs we may be worshipping our family

I thought this article was good. It’s such a difficult balance to maintain. I have known some who really emphasized integrated worship to the degree that it was the most emphasized doctrine in their lives but I would say in the IFB churches that I have attended the opposite may be the tendency.

My experience has been that in IFBdom church attendance is exalted as the end all of spiritual growth. During a difficult and busy time in our family’s life an older couple at church explained that there were times when their ministries in the church made them neglect their family. It was helpful to hear that and be reminded that they are both necessary.

I’ve seen the pendulum swing from sacrificing one’s family for the church to the other extreme of what looks like the worship of family/children. At times it seems that some extremism is required to get us to ask better questions and become refocused on proper priorities.

As I read the list, I realized much of it described our current family situation. We seldom have company, we aren’t volunteering at church or in the community as we once did, one of us must be at home at all times, our schedule is tight and limited. However, the reason for this is that we care for my mother who has Alzheimer’s. She is our ministry right now. The time will come when we can no longer keep her safe, so she will have to leave our home for a memory unit. Then a new season of our family life will begin. But I won’t regret all the things we had to set aside in order to care for her.

Pastors should seriously consider how busy Sundays have become. We gave up going on Sunday night and have made Sunday a day of worship and rest.

Caring and honoring your mother Susan isn’t just a ministry, it is part of the 10 commandments! And, it is the first commandment with a promise…that your days would be long in the land (Eph 6:2). For now, that is your responsibility and joy, I am sure. I honor your decision Susan.

I don’t think the blogger was referring to situations where there are “genuine” issues that take us away from other ministry (ex: Susan’s care of her mother, care of sick/disabled child/spouse, etc). The issue is what we build our life around. Too many now are involved in everything BUT church, then say they are too busy to be in church. I know people that travel every weekend for soccer. I know people who take their family out of church for the entire summer. I know people who are so focused on their kid learning piano that it distracts from everything else. I know a man who commutes 90 minutes each way to work…he is exhausted when he is home, is that really a good idea? Are building your lives around things like soccer, piano, and a job Christ honoring? Of course, you have to commit to a job, but there is a limit. If it costs you your job, so be it. I was offered a job at Ohio State U (with a lot more pay!) recently that I turned down because it would have led me in a more worldly direction.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a limit to what we can do if it is only for a season. For example, I have intentionally missed Sunday pm services to watch our twin sons so my wife can have a peaceful worship time. It has been a blessing for her, and for me. But I look forward to being back in pm services!

[Jim]

Pastors should seriously consider how busy Sundays have become. We gave up going on Sunday night and have made Sunday a day of worship and rest.

Sunday: Sunday School, Am Service, Afternoon Nursing Home Service, Choir Practice, PM Service, Dessert Fellowship after Service (and this the day of rest)

Monday: Pastor’s Day Off

Tuesday: Deacon Meeting (Every other week)

Wednesday: Prayer Meeting, AWANA

Thursday: Visitation

Friday: Teen Meeting

Saturday: Ladies Fellowship, Men’s Fellowship, Neighborhood Bible Clubs, Visitation II

BTW, make sure you spend time with your family and support your church.

this is propaganda for the church industry. do more, give more, serve more. that’s the mantra of evangelical leaders who depend on the growth for their increasing salaries and perks. most of his list is replete with false dichotomies. “our home is a citadel against the world” we counter with hospitality? huh? make no sense.

church, that is the living body of Christ, is life. And life, for a believer, is Christ. Family is central to that lifestyle. not attendance, handing out bulletins, mid-week services, or any other volunteer involvement a pastor can dream up to check off for the deacons/elders on his “church life” engagement metrics

It’s not worship of family to find balance:

For “the Pastor”:

• Ask - “what does God really require of me?” For example .. “Do I really need to be the AWANA commander and direct the VBS?”.
• What is required of Elders? Are there elder-qualified men in the church whom could be enlisted?
• Counseling: Ditch 90% of it! Got 5 couples with successful marriages? (we’ve been at it successfully for 40 years!). Train the to council couples (for some with experience … might be 20-30 min). DO NOT COUNCIL WOMEN AT ALL. You’re not called to that. See Titus 2:2-4. Use the Jethro principle of delegation.

Meetings:

• Have less committee meetings / use Google docs or Sharepoint to share documents
• Consider using a conference line and / or Skyp or GotoMeeting
• Eschew meetings on Sunday (It’s the Lord’s Day)
• Understand that while Sunday School and ABF are great .. they were “bolted on” and are not absolutes
• Understand that in the history of the church, the PM service was likewise bolted on. It can be unbolted!

Youth:

• Use “built-in” youth leaders. That would be godly parents with teens.
• Limit to 1 activity a month
• Encourage families to - you know - do things together as families. Game night / watch a fun video / etc

For me (and my house) to echo Joshua 24:15, I make the decisions for my own house. I look out for my spouse and her needs

About hospitality:

• Some do it well … others not so (chaotic and or filthy houses)
• My wife does it very well. But: She does not like to entertain either large groups OR children (We one time had a church activity w 60 in our house. Kids were crazy wild and some parents didn’t care). My wife’s hospitality profile is 1 or 2 couples. OR 12 -15 young adults w no kids

[Mark_Smith]

Caring and honoring your mother Susan isn’t just a ministry, it is part of the 10 commandments!

… Too many now are involved in everything BUT church, then say they are too busy to be in church.

• Caring for an invalid mother IS ministry!
• And we are to be wholehearted for the Lord - not for the church. There’s a difference.

[Mark_Smith]

I know people that travel every weekend for soccer. I know people who take their family out of church for the entire summer.

Hebrews 10:25 addresses this. What you have described is in violation of Hebrews 10:25

Like I said…caring for your mother is a ministry…AND MORE. It is a commandment and personal responsibility. What do you disagree with me about? I wrote “isn’t just a ministry”, not “isn’t a ministry”.

Jim, the Lord is in the church, and we are the body of Christ. I agree that some people made it all about their church. If you aren’t here when the doors are open you are sinning. I get that. I never experienced it, but people claim they experienced it in the past mostly. OK, so nowadays, MOST PEOPLE I KNOW look for anything to do but to attend church other than Sunday am. For example, a church I attended for ~10 years ran 500 adults on Sunday am, around 100 Sunday pm, and maybe 50 Wednesday. Are all of these people really that busy? The answer was no. Were they working for the Lord outside of church? No. They just wanted to watch TV, or watch the game, or have their kids in the fancy basketball league, or to sip Chardenay (sp) with the neighbors…whatever but come and worship the Lord.

I don’t think you have to encourage people to stay home. THEY ALREADY DO THAT by and large in today’s church.

You said: “Caring and honoring your mother Susan isn’t just a ministry” … I read it incorrectly as “Caring and honoring your mother Susan isn’t a ministry”

To “count noses” and call them “the faithful ones” is really wrong-headed. I’ve been in services where the minority who are in a prayer meeting are lauded as “he faithful ones” in contrast to ones not there

and your point is? Obviously, if you were at home sick, or taking care of your mother with Alzheimer’s etc…that is one thing. Most people who don’t go to Wed night meetings don’t, in my limited experience, have such honorable reasons. Mostly it was “I just didn’t want to go”. Or maybe “I didn’t think it was worth going” would be better. Do you disagree?

Jim, to be clear, I think I get the point of what you are trying to say. I just think it doesn’t apply to MOST people. Are there people who do too much at church? Yes. That is mostly because other are doing nothing…And today, all too many are trying to claim freedom from “laws” requiring them to go to church as a reason to stay home.

Again, just be clear, since Jim misread by earlier post and it is too late to modify it, I think you are doing a wonderful ministry and service for your mother. I hope others follow your example!

[Mark_Smith] Caring and honoring your mother Susan isn’t just a ministry, it is part of the 10 commandments! And, it is the first commandment with a promise…that your days would be long in the land (Eph 6:2). For now, that is your responsibility and joy, I am sure. I honor your decision Susan.

I don’t think the blogger was referring to situations where there are “genuine” issues that take us away from other ministry (ex: Susan’s care of her mother, care of sick/disabled child/spouse, etc). The issue is what we build our life around.

I agree that we should examine our hearts and actions and see if we are out of balance. And if we are friend with someone whose priorities seem out of order, we can pray for them and hopefully be able to encourage or admonish them.

I don’t believe, however, that we can determine someone’s priorities are out of balance if they have a long commute to work or are required to put in overtime. It’s a fact of life in our society that employers don’t view Sunday as special. If you want to feed your family and pay your bills, you may have to work a job that makes it difficult to be in church regularly. The Lord has the power to relieve them of that burden when He sees fit.

It’s nice of you to give your wife a break. I remember times when between potty training, nursery duty, cleaning the church, and helping in the kitchen, I sat in maybe one service a month.

I do have some concern that when folks read an article like this, they use it to measure the lives of others. I’ve experienced it myself, being questioned as to where we are, why we aren’t doing such-n-such, and quite frankly, I don’t owe anyone an explanation of where I am and what I’m doing. If they know me, then they know what our life is like, and if they don’t know me, they can mind their own business.

When I talk about people missing Sunday pm/Wed services I don’t mean, for example, a family that came 3 weeks out of 4, but took a family night on the other week. What I observe is people NEVER coming to ANY pm service. When you ask them why, they say the kids are heavily involved in activities at school, husband works long hours or has long commute, wife works as well, so the only family time they have is Sunday pm and Wed pm…well, might I suggest that is called worldliness when you are so involved in other things that you don’t have time for fellowship and worship in church. I practically guarantee these people are not doing family devotions/prayer, small group activities etc as a substitute either.

I appreciate that some of you have been guilt tripped in the past about being at the church whenever the doors are open. I am talking about the vast majority of self- described Christians who are content with punching the Sunday am ticket, then moving on and never doing anything else…and you know there are a lot of people like that out there.