What To Say To Church Members Leaving For Bad Reasons
It strikes me that when someone is leaving, it’s too late, and that what is actually in question here is whether a person is leaving a church because he does not agree with the theology, or whether he is leaving because he does not like the people. And regarding the former, how many churches today really teach theology and some of the basic starting points?
Which is probably the root of the problem of church hopping. John Maxwell, in his video series accompanying his “21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership” book, notes that his opinion that for most churchgoers, theology isn’t that big of a deal. I fear he is right, and churches are paying a huge price for not using principles like Sola Fide to bind believers together.
Aspiring to be a stick in the mud.
Why people leave - and it’s not always for “bad reasons”:
- Theology: Examples: stronger on doctrines of grace than church or vice versa. Translations (KJV).
- Music emphasis: in my view not the best reason to leave but …
- I doubt people leave because they don’t like someone … but I suppose that’s possible. In my mind, this is a bad reason (unresolved conflict! .. and there are people for one to “not like” and the next church too)
- Programs and program emphasis: Examples I’ve seen:
- I’ve seen people leave a church because their kids don’t go to the church’s Christian school and parents (rightly or wrongly) feel that their kids are somehow marginalized
- Another (this is many times migration from a small church to a larger church); Church A has a weak youth program (perhaps only a handful or less teens) and Church B has a robust youth group. Perhaps a poor reason to leave but parents look out for their kids and for some this is the right reason
- In and out migration: moving to the suburbs from the city or moving to another town. Folk seem to be moving less
- Opportunities to serve elsewhere: This seems like natural (and good) church transfer. Eg. man with seminary training moves to another church with greater opportunity to use gifts
Discussion