A Godless Fundamentalist: Chapter Three – Sex and Rock & Roll at the Christian School

The Scorner/Fool can come in many different forms. For instance, at Northpointe, its former athletic director from 10 years ago was fired because he was constantly criticizing and undermining his bosses (the high school principal and school superintendent) even questioning their faith in Christ because he felt that the standards/rules of behavior at the school weren’t enough and that they weren’t being enforced (actually they were, but it was more in the context of discipleship rather than more stringent discipline). Ironically, he is now in prison for criminal sexual conduct. Here is an article about him from a few years back (watch out for some inappropriate language-mostly connected to court testimony). http://www.sportsonearth.com/article/70575174/how-chad-curtis-went-from…

No argument that a “scorner”—Strong’s 3887—can be deadly. Note in the definition how it’s related to the concept of an interpreter or ambassador—I have to wonder whether “scorn” has in it a sense of repeating something in a bad way.

That noted, the question in my mind is how the mocker, scorner, or fool shows up. Is it more likely that he will show up because a school allows non-Christian students, or because it won’t? You will probably get a few in either case, but my guess is that if you create an incentive to lie about faith, or anything else for that matter, you’re going to get the worst of it.

Regarding the case that Joel mentions, it reminds me a lot of what happened in Lansing over the last 20 years. I dare suggest a lot more of this will be coming out.

My school was quick to expel “scorners.” So quick, in fact, that making sure that I wasn’t lumped in with them was of paramount importance. In my thinking, expressing my doubts about God’s existence, doubts about the veracity of the Bible etc. would’ve caused me to be lumped in with the scorners. To be clear, most of the authority figures would’ve wanted me to come to them with those doubts. But the way the system was set up, I didn’t know that, and it wasn’t worth the risk.

Frankly, the “scorners” had little impact on my worldview. Removing the “scorners” didn’t change the fact that my heart was the problem.

[John E.]

My school was quick to expel “scorners.”

[John E.] So quick, in fact, that making sure that I wasn’t lumped in with them was of paramount importance.

[John E.] In my thinking, expressing my doubts about God’s existence, doubts about the veracity of the Bible etc. would’ve caused me to be lumped in with the scorners.

[John E.] To be clear, most of the authority figures would’ve wanted me to come to them with those doubts.

[John E.] But the way the system was set up, I didn’t know that, and it wasn’t worth the risk.

[John E.] Frankly, the “scorners” had little impact on my worldview.

[John E.] Removing the “scorners” didn’t change the fact that my heart was the problem.

We live in an imperfect world governed by imperfect people who make imperfect application of perfect truth. Examination, re-examination, discernment, and adjustment of methods and motives in a church, school, or practically any other scenario is a very biblical concept, and, therefore, I welcome it. But there is no system in the world that will compensate for a deceived heart, and there is no amount of love/compassion that will correct a scorner, whether they are a passive or aggressive one. We might just as well get that little bit of deception out of our thinking as we minister in the various “systems” where God has called us to serve.

Lee said:

So let me make sure I have this straight: by your own admission you were functioning “willfully ignorant” of truth “clearly seen” about God in a school scenario peopled by, evidently, godly “authority figures [who] would’ve wanted me to come to them with those doubts” and the problem was “the system”? Pardon me while I harbor just a twinge of doubt about your assessment.

As someone who was part of “the system” at this school, both as a teacher and then as an administrator 15 years later, John is correct. While we “wanted students to come to us with doubts” and questions, the philosophy and practice of “The Leader” was to automatically respond negatively to those with doubts and questions. Teachers learned quickly that questioning “The Leader” could cost your your job. This experience resulted in compassionate teachers hoping that students with questions would learn to fly under the radar like John or the teachers would eventually develop the intolerance of the leader in practice and sometimes in heart.

It saddens me that you’ve provided evidence that has reconfirmed in my heart why I’m writing my story.

You wrote, “So let me make sure I have this straight: by your own admission you were functioning ‘willfully ignorant’ of truth ‘clearly seen’ about God in a school scenario peopled by, evidently, godly ‘authority figures [who] would’ve wanted me to come to them with those doubts and the problem was ‘the system’? Pardon me while I harbor just a twinge of doubt about your assessment.”

We can parse over definitions with our privileged bird’s eye view, but the reality is that I was a kid. I wasn’t “willfully ignorant” because the truth about God was anything but clear to me (I quickly became “willfully ignorant,” and I’m getting to that part of my story - as in the next chapter). I would lie awake at night crying because I was scared about my doubts and felt utterly alone. I believed that I didn’t have anyone to talk to. When I wrote that the “authority figures would’ve wanted me to come to them,” I wrote as a 42 year old man with a better perspective than I had as a confused, scared kid. When I was a kid, because of the system, I thought that I would get in trouble if I took my fears and doubts to the adults. And Ron, who taught at my school, has confirmed that my fears weren’t that far off-base.

As far as being “double-minded,” I wasn’t double-minded; I was an unrepentant sinner. I’ve never denied nor will I deny that. The way in which you are using it is dishonest based on my story. At that point in my life, up through what I’ve written, I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. Whatever actions you perceive as making me “double-minded” were the product that came from my desire for self-preservation. When I was a kid, I couldn’t even begin to imagine the level of upheaval I would’ve experienced if I had allowed the adults to see the “real me.” And, frankly, from my 42 year old perspective, my kid perspective about that was mostly correct (again, see Ron’s comment).

The really scary and sad thing is that I believe my experience is one of the best case scenarios. I entered adulthood with no delusions about my spiritual state. I have heard and continue to hear from people who entered adulthood believing they were ok with God because they were “good” kids who obeyed the rules out of their very real desire to please the adults. The Christian school movement that I was raised in largely taught moralism at the expense of the gospel.

I teach apologetics, and I shudder to think at how you respond to those who are struggling with doubts about God’s existence. My word, based on your comment, you appear to be the manifestation of my fears as a kid. You see, it appears that you would want kids like me to be disposed of so as to keep the “good” kids pure. And that’s what many of authority figures wanted (the rotten apple metaphor was drilled into us). The problem was that we weren’t “good” kids who needed protecting. We were sinners who needed Jesus.

Good response. Well said. Your series here has been a blessing. I think some people who have been Christians from the cradle, so to speak (i.e. who have grown up in the bubble), have difficulty understanding what you’re saying. I didn’t grow up as a Christian (or even as a pretend Christian), and that explains why I think some of the “institutionalized Christianity” is so bizarre.

You remarks about locker-room pep talks about Achan sound like something from a cult, to me. It takes a lot of institutionalization to actually believe that’s an acceptable and rational application or practice. How awful.

I look forward to the rest of the series.

Let me describe the “Ideal” Christian School student, many of whom I’ve seen in my many years in CE.

They obeyed the rules with a smile and often “turned in” other students who are breaking the rules. They talked frequently about how much they loved the school, its teachers, and leaders. The proclaimed the school’s position against movies and bad music. They prayed and read their Bibles. They were involved in extra curricular activities and fine arts. They excelled academically, especially in Bible Class, and were adored by their teachers.

Some of these students were the real deal and have gone on to serve the Lord. I thank God for every one of them.

However for some of them their “Christianity” stopped when they graduated. Some of them are living lives permeated by sin, are living in immorality, have divorced and remarried, and a few have gone to prison.

While they were in the CDS, there was no discernible difference because external moralism was what it took to succeed.

John, Thanks for writing these posts. I also grew up in an IFB church. One that could absolutely be fairly called a cult. Thankfully, my parents decided to homeschool me and my siblings-despite being really pressured to put us into the Christian School that the church provided. It would have made financial sense for my parents to have done it (free tuition if they taught there at all) As it was, we only went to the school a few times in our 12ish years attending that church-I absolutely saw and heard what went on when teachers weren’t present. I shudder to think how much worse my experiences in that church would have been had we been in the churches school too. In my experience, people who grew up in churches like that turned their backs on God and the Church. I have talked to people who, after they know my story, are absolutely shocked that I am now a Pastor’s wife-not to mention even just continuing to go to church at all.
I could go on and on about all of the messed up crazy in that church. Suffice it to say that abuses of many different kinds were going on there. Financial, spiritual, sexual….on and on. “Touch not the Lord’s Anointed” was regularly said. (Yep, the “preacher” was involved in serious sins and was unrepentant) My mom is shocked how much I remember from that church-and it isn’t positive.
My parents somehow ended up getting away from that church-moved several states away and then got into a church that was stable and not a cult. I am so thankful for that. I had a “salvation experience” as a 4 yr old (Was essentially born into the IFB church) and presented myself as a believer-despite the fact that I had doubts and honestly didn’t think I was even saved. I of course never discussed those doubts with anyone. Despite all this I was the “good girl” that everyone wanted their sons to marry. I was straight up told that by several different parents of boys my age. I was *way* too young to have that kind of pressure on me…. I was 14 before I finally broke. If we hadn’t gotten out of that church I don’t know that I ever would have. I probably would have continued skating by with the false front of being a believer for exactly the reasons you have mentioned-We knew what the adults said about the unbelievers. We knew that they kept “those kids” away from the rest of “us”. It was safer to parrot what we learned as if it was our own.

[John E.]

…

We can parse over definitions with our privileged bird’s eye view, but the reality is that I was a kid. I wasn’t “willfully ignorant” because the truth about God was anything but clear to me (I quickly became “willfully ignorant,” and I’m getting to that part of my story - as in the next chapter). I would lie awake at night crying because I was scared about my doubts and felt utterly alone. I believed that I didn’t have anyone to talk to. When I wrote that the “authority figures would’ve wanted me to come to them,” I wrote as a 42 year old man with a better perspective than I had as a confused, scared kid. When I was a kid, because of the system, I thought that I would get in trouble if I took my fears and doubts to the adults. And Ron, who taught at my school, has confirmed that my fears weren’t that far off-base.

Okay, let’s talk as adults here realizing we were both kids at one time and that our kids perspective was wrong. A) Blame is going in the wrong direction. There was (and is) a spiritual battle going on in situations like yours. Satan’s job, which he is good at, is to keep you blinded, even as a kid, to where mercy and truth could be found. It sounds like he was successful from your perspective as a 42 year old guy (“I believed I didn’t have anyone to talk to…”—a lie of Satan which you believed by your own assessment). (B) All schools, churches, etc., have issues. Some are more harmful than others. I certainly don’t know the school/church you reference and don’t care to know, but it seems like it has its share of issues. So be it. But that doesn’t make some nebulous “system” the issue. I actually believe Scripture. When it determines a person is “willfully ignorant” without providing other qualifications I take it as so. But I also take it as true in Paul’s testimony that “…I obtained mercy, because I did it ignorantly in unbelief.” The crux of your story, like mine, should not be that systems have issues, but that there is a merciful God who gives 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 50th, opportunities for mercy to those who don’t even begin to deserve it. Again, I think my issue with this story is where blame is being placed. Believers who, in hindsight, were compassionate and caring, who seriously believed Scripture enough to act on it, though imperfectly but not likely maliciously, working in a “system” whose goal, apparently, was truth is not the reason for your struggle.

I don’t think you and I were that much different growing up. For me, Pastor’s home; Christian school, Bob Jones Univ., and a hypocritical life. The apparent difference is that I knew the difference between right and wrong in most things, I just didn’t give a rat’s rear. Do enough right to keep the tension in the household under control; do whatever wrong was convenient and fun. Strangely enough, I never found alcohol (one of the biggest issues with my peers), cigarettes, or the like, either convenient or fun. Now, loose girls, which there was a plethora of back in the 70’s, was a whole different story. And yes, I had my justifications, even “biblical” ones, as to why I lived the way I did, enjoyed the things I did, and so on. Fact of the matter, I preferred darkness to light and justified that love of darkness in my own mind through any number of sources (and yes, one of those justifications was legalistic, moralistic, spiritual arrogance, etc., perceived in those in positions of spiritual authority). There is nothing new under the sun.

[John E.]…

I teach apologetics, and I shudder to think at how you respond to those who are struggling with doubts about God’s existence. My word, based on your comment, you appear to be the manifestation of my fears as a kid. You see, it appears that you would want kids like me to be disposed of so as to keep the “good” kids pure. And that’s what many of authority figures wanted (the rotten apple metaphor was drilled into us). The problem was that we weren’t “good” kids who needed protecting. We were sinners who needed Jesus.

Wow, you’re pretty quick to judge, and your judgment is way off base. Kids struggling with doubts is my life and has been for 40 years. Literally hundreds of kids struggling with worldview of God, exclusiveness of Christ, the truth of Scripture, sexuality, etc., are routinely across my path. But I believe the Bible in its doctrine and in its methodology. There are times to be harsh and times to be compassionate. Scripture lays out those times. Figuring out scripturally those times is where the rub comes in.

Point being, there was no “system” at fault in the path either one of us took in our formative years. Could the system have been better? Probably. Would a better system have likely been the difference in the choices you or I made? Unlikely. We would have found other ways to justify the direction we wanted to go. That is human nature, and that is Satan’s blinding. It has very little to do with the system.

Thank you for reading and for sharing some of your experience.

It must be nice to be able to absolve the system and place all of the blame squarely on kids who were confused, scared, and being manipulated. Never once have I shirked from owning up to my own sin. And I do not cease to praise God that my parents and authority figures taught me the gospel. The Holy Spirit used their teaching in my life later as an unregenerate adult. Please don’t forget that I haven’t finished writing my story.

But, I cannot ignore the fact that, in many ways, the system was set up to make my path to full on rebellion much smoother. In fact, the system helped usher me onto that path. No one lives in a vacuum. No one. Our actions matter. And our actions matter in the lives of others.

Don’t misunderstand, I don’t need an apology. I don’t need a catharsis. My sufficiency is in Christ, and I look forward to the Day when I will praise God with my teachers, youth pastors, and parents in the new earth. If you doubt my feelings of gratefulness toward my past, I can point you to many, many other articles and blog posts that I’ve written, starting with one I wrote about my mom. I have received so much pushback over the years from those whom I’ve termed the “new legalists” angry that I refuse to join their cause. Because of that, I’m even less of a fan of having my motives misread by those who are on my team, so to speak. For the record, one thing that you’ll be hard pressed to find is me assigning nefarious motives to the authority figures of my youth.

Sadly, though, I have friends who are still trapped in their rebellion and are still flailing at the authority figures of their youth. One day, they will stand before God alone and answer for their rebellion, and He will not broach the excuse, “But, the system made me do it.” However, we as Believers should be willing to take responsibility for our missteps, sins that misled others, and failure to care for sinners. For example, when I teach in apologetics that the goal of the apologist is not to win an argument but to share the gospel of Jesus Christ, I use myself as a negative example. For the sake of space, I won’t retell the anecdote, but about 7 years ago during an argument with an agnostic, I sinfully failed. Everything I said was true and right, but I did not demonstrate love for that sinner. And while that man will have to answer to God for his rebellion and will not be able to use my poor tactics (my poor system) as an excuse (unless the Holy Spirit saves him), I’m still responsible for how I acted that day.

While not a magic bullet, from our human perspective it could be very helpful for sinners still hurting to hear an authority figure from their past at least explain their missteps, and then share the gospel with them instead of dismissing them as willfully rebellious people that had their chance. And it will be helpful for the soul of those authority figures who were often as trapped in the system as the kids were.

Lee, your points are well taken, and a central question here, in my view, is if the critical factor in both your and John’s lives was that you weren’t saved, is it possible for Christian Day School or “World’s Most Unusual University” administrators and faculty to ferret out whether particular students are, or are not, believers? A corollary question is this; if we are in the business of making disciples, isn’t it critical that we have some means of establishing where someone might be, or might not be, in a walk with Christ?

Tell me it’s tough to know as we stand now? Tru dat. Tell me people can fake things? Absolutely. Arguing these points would be silly.

Where John may be going here, though, and where Ron has explicitly gone, is to ask the question of whether a common tactic among CDSs and WMUUs, that of enforcing external conformity, helps or hinders people in actually making disciples. Does it help, or hurt, in determining where a person might be with God?

I would suggest that a concentration on the outer man—the actions, conformity to rules & regulations, etc..—is in general a bad way at helping the inner man. Worse yet, a concentration for conformity creates strong incentives to outward conformity and outright lying about the inner man.

Might be a good time to change our approach, no?