"Little or nothing is likely to be gained by deliberately delaying marriage beyond the mid twenties."

Many changes have taken place in our culture over the last 100+ years that have had a tremendous effect on our society… the wholesale, uncritical embracing of the idea of adolescence, child labor laws, compulsory eduction, the infantilization of young people and the extension of childhood into what used to be the ‘adult’ years…

Quite frankly it confounds me that God would create the human body to begin to experience desire and the ability to reproduce but yet deny the Godly fulfillment of those drives for 10-15 years. It’s been SOP for thousands of years for people, especially women, to marry very young, bear children, guide the house… Paul gives as a reason for marriage the avoidance of fornication (I Cor. 7)- not very romantic, is it? Certainly there is no principle in Scripture that encourages young people to ‘sow their wild oats’ or live it up into their 20’s before they finally mature and are able to manage adult responsibilities. We’ve managed to put off adulthood indefinitely for a variety of reasons that on the surface sound logical to the materialist and indulgent Western mind, but IMO it’s a gross distortion of God’s intent and the crop of spoiled brats we are reaping in our society just emphasizes the point.

It seems to me with the proliferation of people who just live together, that this is a difficult subject to even broach. This was written for the Wall Street Journal. I can’t tell if he is a Christian, but to most who have no problem with sexual activity outside of marriage, there is no reason to get married. They fail to see any difference between marriage and nonmarriage—except that marriage has a lot of legal complications.

For Christians who are celibate til marriage, it is a whole different matter. The “dyed-in-the-wool-hard-line-home schoolers” say that the young man has to have a profession and be able to support a wife before they can get married—or court, or whatever. Apparently they can’t really do it “together”..it is all on his shoulders. This would delay most marriages for quite a while til the man gets skilled enough in his profession to be able to “swing it”—whether it means college first, then settling into a job that pays enough to live on, or becoming some sort of skilled employee (like a mechanic).

Anyway, we didn’t abide by any of the stereotypes. I had never even MET my husband’s parents til after we were married, and we managed to pay back 15K of debt our first year of marriage. We weren’t really young, however, 23 and 28—almost 24 and 29. We had experienced quite a bit before marriage and personally, I’m grateful for it (My husband had taught a year in Australia, I’d traveled a bit.)

On the other hand, Susan, this comment :
Quite frankly it confounds me that God would create the human body to begin to experience desire and the ability to reproduce but yet deny the Godly fulfillment of those drives for 10-15 years.
makes me wonder. In our “oversexed” generation with everything from soda pop to cars being presented as sexy and with alluring images in the media, billboards, etc. your logic leaves me wondering. A boy supposedly has these “urges” at puberty. I wouldn’t say that just because he has the desire, that he should get married. I wonder about that logic…. Obviously the Apostle Paul knew that there would be urges that can’t be fulfilled at a convenient time or he’d never have said so much about purity.

I’ve known happily married couples who got married at 18. I also have met many who were divorced once or twice by the time they were 30.

Back to the original thought, though. The extreme HSers are the ones advocating waiting a long time, IMO. I really haven’t heard of waiting til you are 25 or older among Christians. I think that “the world” at large thinks that you should have and try out several different partners before settling down—otherwise, how will you know that you are compatible?

Please don’t start with the “extreme homeschooler” stereotypes. It isn’t relevant. And it certainly doesn’t address the fact that American culture worships adolescence and does not encourage marriage and commitment, or even monogamy for that matter. Our society gives permission for people to experience perpetual childhood and markets their wares accordingly. Compulsory attendance statutes have gone from age 15-16 to age 18 in most states, and child labor laws forbid young men and women from any sort of meaningful or skilled labor until they are 18- so who is really delaying the maturing process?

I would never advocate that a young man of 13 get married just because he has urges- it isn’t even remotely close to what I said in my post. But let’s look at the example of Jesus Christ at 12 years old- he survived for how many days? 6? 8? without mommy and daddy, and was able to converse intelligently with adults. We don’t even expect our 12 year olds to keep their rooms clean, so the idea of significant maturity by puberty is completely foreign to us- it’s like explaining the difference between pink and red to someone who was born blind. We simply cannot imagine it- and yet the Bible and even American history tells us of many young people who were very mature and took on serious responsibility when they were in their early teens.

Sure- young people aren’t ready for marriage at 18, 21, 25- but that’s because we as parents have dropped the ball, and not because it isn’t possible or even preferred.

knowledge of 17th German marriage customs say 163x. I can say back then a young man was expected to be able to support a wife. That meant for the most part:
  • if the couple was in a city or town he was at least an established journeyman if not a new master in his craft or trade (if they lived in a city with a guild system).
  • if they were in a more rural situation (the German farming pattern at the time was a yolk and white pattern not one of farmsteads like the Anglo-American pattern), he would be expected either through farming or working in on of the village’s trades to be able to support the family.
Simply put there were no “teenage” years. One was either a child or one was married or working toward getting into a situation to be able to be married.