Why You Will Join the Wrong Church

….but if one believes in the Universal Church, why is there often stigma attached to leaving one local church to join another?

In the past 37 years, I have been a member of two Baptist churches. The first from 1980 to 2000; the second from 2000 to the present. In my case, I do not doubt it was as a result of the Lord’s leading me. Is that a possibility recognized in the OP’s article?

Or what about circumstances in which one leaves a church for another due to a job transfer, moving to a different city/state upon retirement, or any other reason resulting in a geographic relocation? In such situations, there isn’t (or perhaps only very rarely) any stigma associated with leaving a church. So why might the perception be different if one leaves one local church for another in the same general vicinity?

My answer about the stigma is that at least part of this has to do with the fact that so many people change churches for flippant reasons. It’s not entirely unfair to say that it’s a bit of “guilt by association”, as we tend to assume that since the Smiths, Joneses,and McGillicudies changed churches because the worship team played “Breathe”, that when the Perrys or the Nelsons change churches, it’s about the same reason.

One thing I really liked about the article is how it mentions the relational aspect of church membership. I’m currently interacting with a family that’s having trouble with the church they’re in, and for all that church’s faults (they’re hardline KJVO, lots of rules with not much grounding in Scripture, etc..), it seems that the family has some real friendships there. Hence I am minding my manners in interacting with them, not saying some things simply because of that.

(believe it or not)

Surely everybody knows that there are usually three reasons people leave a church. 1) The reason they tell the pastor. 2) The reason they tell other church members. 3) The real reason.

I think that people leave churches partly because they believe that they have a right to be in a “good church,” whatever that means to them. So when something happens that might genuinely be bad (people make mistakes), they feel like they shouldn’t have to put up with ….

That’s why these people tend to bounce around. Haven’t found a church worthy of their membership.

You live with people in fellowship and they make mistakes. They sin. They act unbiblically.

Members need to remember that they are in the church to serve. To serve means to work for the betterment of others. Well, that necessarily means that God wants you in a place that isn’t yet better.

God could make things right - all things. That’s coming. But for now, He wants us under the curse, struggling to serve.

When a pastor leaves a church = “God called me [somewhere else] “

When a non-pastor leaves a church = something sinful

1. Bob and his wife Betty are recent retirees. They have been at the same church for 32 years, serving faithfully in numerous ministry roles. One Sunday they tell their pastor that they have decided to sell their home in Minnesota and move to Arizona. (They joke that they will just have to learn to live without the subzero cold, ice, and snow that make winters in Minnesota so enjoyable!) They further tell their pastor that they are looking at joining a church “of like faith and practice” near their future new home, in which their particular ministry gifts & experience can be put to good use.

Their pastor is saddened at the thought of their departure, but he wishes them well, thanking them profusely for their many years of faithful service. On their final Sunday in attendance, the church holds a going-away potluck, with cake, gifts, and many “best wishes” expressed by all.

2. Bob and his wife Betty have been at the same church for 32 years, serving faithfully in numerous ministry roles. One Sunday they tell their pastor that they have decided to leave the church to join another nearby church. They further tell him that they bear no discontent with the church, and in fact will be saddened to leave, but they are feeling a call to use their particular ministry gifts & experience at this other church, for reasons perhaps not yet fully discernable to them.

Their pastor is outraged at the thought of their departure, struggles to suppress his anger, and curtly tells them that if they leave they’re running from God and will be outside of His will. On their final Sunday in attendance, they are largely ignored at the church. Sullen glances, inaudible whispers, and few “best wishes” see them off.

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Am I far off of the mark? (I’m not claiming this happens in every church, but I know it happens in some.) Assuming that Bob and Betty, in either scenario, follow through and continue to faithfully attend and serve in their new churches, why is it that such circumstances of departure can be viewed so differently?

Is there some form of territorial behavior that is manifested in some churches in scenarios similar to the latter one above?

Larry, it’s tough to think that the real reason is being given by Bob2. It’s like being turned down for a date. “I can’t go because I already have to do X.” -vs- “I can’t go because I have to clip my nails that night.” (You kinda know you’re not getting the real reason.)

I know in #2 my pastors would say, “We’ll miss you, sorry to see you leave. Blessings to you.” (That sort of thing) But it would be hard for them to see them go and wonder why they’re really leaving. Unless the church is sending them to a struggling work, but then it’s the church helping decide.

I do think that when one leaves a church that the under-shepherd(s) need to be consulted / advised

Church-leaving should not be done lightly

Regrettably, I left a church wrongly but for the right reasons about 17 years ago. Later (much) I apologized to the pastor.

…..I’m still not seeing or understanding a substantive difference.

Let’s say a church has a young man, fresh out of seminary (or Bible college even) who is serving in youth ministry, at this time strictly as a volunteer leader & teacher, since the church already has a vocational youth pastor. Across town, another church has a vocational youth pastor or youth director position become available, for which our young man in question applies. As it turns out, he is offered the position, which he accepts. “Congratulations!” everyone in the church tells him, including the senior pastor: “You’ve worked hard for this, and I’m confident you’re following God’s direction.”

Now let’s imagine a similar scenario, except for two things: 1) the young man in question has a heart to serve in youth ministry, but not necessarily the educational credentials of the other young man above; and 2) he desires to leave Church A to go and serve in a non-vocational leadership position in Church B, perhaps because he sees a greater need there, or will have additional ministry responsibilities and/or opportunities there (albeit unpaid), or simply somehow feels compelled (maybe even by the Holy Spirit’s direction) to do so. In this case, why does it seem to me (from some situations I’ve seen in the past & still hear tell of in the present) that his reasons will almost invariably be called into question, and it will be assumed that there must be some ulterior motivation?

Like Jim said above:

“When a pastor leaves a church = “God called me [somewhere else] “

When a non-pastor leaves a church = something sinful”

Larry, I don’t think you’re missing anything. It’s just that the answer is pretty depressing.

Are you faulting the church for NOT having a big congratulations, send-off party for the people who simply decided they would rather go to another church? In other words, do you really think these two situations are nearly identical, or do you recognize that leaving a church for no apparent reason necessarily leaves some lingering questions.

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Are you faulting the church for NOT having a big congratulations, send-off party for the people who simply decided they would rather go to another church? In other words, do you really think these two situations are nearly identical, or do you recognize that leaving a church for no apparent reason necessarily leaves some lingering questions.

Leaving with the intent and for the reason of serving elsewhere is not “for no apparent reason.”

Once again, like Jim said above:

“When a pastor leaves a church = “God called me [somewhere else] “

When a non-pastor leaves a church = something sinful”

….is that Larry’s disappointed (as am I) that all too often, a layman leaving one church for another is assumed to be doing something wrong. Often they are, but the presumption is guilt by association.

In other words, there’s a nice midpoint between having a farewell banquet and shunning that those who are not sinning ought to enjoy.

A young single man in his mid-twenties is in a small (less than 20 members) struggling work. His parents are members but there is no one his age. He moves to another church in the area with a larger number of people his own age.

I have also seen people going to a church where they’re more likely to meet someone, and if a young person (or old guy) can just walk down the street, effectively, and start meeting at another church of similar faith and practice, that raises a couple of questions. First of all, if there are two churches close together of like faith and practice, why? Is it denominations that have grown closer together, or is it the classic “Baptist church plant” where people split over minor issues?

Second, could it be that our discipleship is so weak that one might go to a church of fairly different faith & practice simply because he doesn’t know his own?

We might suggest that church swapping might be the symptom of bigger issues that we ought to address.