Making Disciples in a Millennial Generation , Part 1

Boomer 1946-64

Millennials 1980-96

What about the people born between (1964-1980)? Do we even get mentioned? Who mentored us? Who respected us? Who showed us the way?

That would be a different topic, though I suspect Mel’s book gives some attention to Gen X/”Baby Busters.” Part of the reason the Millennials get so much attention is that the trend of rapidly increasing departure from church involvement began with this generation reaching adulthood—or sharply increased at that point.

Maybe GenX is neglected…. being in that generation myself I never felt there was much interesting about it. :-)

Another angle that occurs to me is that the changes across generations may actually be more gradual than is sometimes suggested, with the result that the generation in between a couple of really different ones seems to be, on the whole, hard to distinguish from the one before and the one after. It may be fair to say GenX tends to disappear into the Boomers and the Millennials as far as attitudes/priorities etc.

Where does 1964-1980 fit in? (the generation that WISHES they could have voted for Reagan, of course)

Mark also suggests a big question about our overall generational differences in the church; are we willing to pass the baton? It’s worth noting that Paul’s pastoral epistles are really little more than that quick SLAP of the baton into the next generation’s hand—are we doing things Biblically? Or are we consolidating power, retaining authority because “we can do it better”, and the like? It’s a big gut check we all need—a dear brother took me aside about 15 years back when I was a brand new deacon (still in nappies, so to speak), and he noted that my goal was to work myself out of a job.

It’s a great goal, and we ought to remember that when we do so, that doesn’t mean we’re irrelevant. All too often, both young and old hold on to things that are really better passed on to others.

That was my reaction too…what about my generation? But I wasn’t surprised really. I recently heard someone speak of Gen X as the forgotten, or skipped generation. We more or less respected our elders, waited for our turn, and just when we were getting of age to provide leadership in the church, millennials pushed their way through and shoved us aside. So it is a battle between boomers and millennials.

And if its true that millennials have a hunger to develop relationships with people from older generations, then I haven’t met them yet. I hope its true.

Your post was a good perspective on the situation.

As to this:

And if its true that millennials have a hunger to develop relationships with people from older generations, then I haven’t met them yet. I hope its true.

I am a boomer in a church full of millennials and enjoying our new relationships. We found that they were praying for more of my generation to join them. The only problem I’ve observed is not that they aren’t welcoming to the older generation, it’s that my generation has trouble accepting any thing that’s “different”.

In our traditional service, we have a member of our choir who on occasion sings as a soloist (during offerings, or what not). She is twenty-something (so she is a “millennial”), and wonderfully talented, with “the voice of an angel.”

What amused some of the older folks in the congregation when she first joined the choir is that she dyes her hair bright pink…..

Ron, could you expand your comments a little more?

“We found that they were praying for more of my generation to join them.”

What does this mean? Join them to what? Without having more information here, I am tempted to assume that there is a heart here that says, “we are hoping the old folks join us, but we have no interest in joining them. We are a fountain of wisdom, and these old folks are just out of touch, but we do like it when some of them do things our way.”

“it’s that my generation has trouble accepting any thing that’s ‘different’.”

Ok, but could you give some examples of ‘different’? What is it that the boomers are having trouble accepting? Is it stuff like millennials who hold a special service where they stay up all night listening to preachers? Or is it stuff that the older folks find unacceptable because it is worldly? Like when millennials come to church only half-dressed, exposing things they should save for their spouses?

….is that Ron’s in a church that has been “discovered” by young people, and they’ve become aware that the church is imbalanced in terms of age and experience. Whether it’s an older, established church, or whether it’s a new plant, I can’t tell.

And writing as part of Gen X, I can affirm that we all have trouble accepting things that are new as we get older. Sometimes it’s new fashions—black stretch pants and the like—sometimes it’s music, sometimes it’s just the fun habits they’ve got. Trying to adhere to a truly Biblical worldview, instead of simply assuming that what we like is the standard, can be amazingly difficult.

And let’s be careful about simply throwing the word “worldly” around—all too often, it’s done without carefully considering what the Scripture says, especially when we’re talking about music or clothing. All too often, we simply decide that our generation’s clothing and music (absent its worst caricatures) is Biblical, and the next generation’s is not. I’m guessing that young people pick up on that pretty readily.

Plus, writing as someone who’s ushered at a number of fundamental churches, let’s just say that’ I’ve had to divert my eyes from 40-somethings and even 60-somethings in the same way I have from teens and twenty-somethings. Not to be fought out here IMO, but the church really needs to do a better job of describing “modesty” than simply to point to 1 Timothy 2:9’s argument that women ought not rely on expensive adornments.

(in contrast, what we tend to mean by “immodesty” is really pretty much free, if you catch my drift)

Bert, I would agree that it is Scripture that guides us. There are repeated harsh warnings throughout the NT about the Christian’s relationship to kosmos—world. Contexts where the word means the ungodly society in which the Christian lives. The apostolic writers all get in on this. James, Paul, Peter, John, Jude. The overwhelming weight of what they are saying to us should give us tremendous pause, and out of love for Christ we should exercise restraint and carefulness. Not simply giving the Scriptures a quick glance at best, a sort of nickel-in, gumball out attempt at finding direction, and then rushing out to high-handedly exercise liberty because no verse was found that specifically outlaws stretchy pants by name.

So it matters not to me what my opinion is, or your opinion, per se, but rather, what does our precious Savior think of a particular choice? Are we really being careful with His commands? The topic of modesty is but one area that could be discussed, though it would be taking this thread in a direction not intended, so I will leave it alone. However, I agree that the problems in the church in this area are not limited to young people.

Darrell Post said:

“We found that they were praying for more of my generation to join them.”

What does this mean? Join them to what? Without having more information here, I am tempted to assume that there is a heart here that says, “we are hoping the old folks join us, but we have no interest in joining them. We are a fountain of wisdom, and these old folks are just out of touch, but we do like it when some of them do things our way.”

My Response:

My church was planted 9 years ago by a group that were millennials. (It’s now self-supporting.) It’s first two members were a 23 year old man and a 60ish year old woman. They wanted to reach out to other age groups, ethnicities, economic classes, etc. (BTW, you couldn’t be more wrong on your snide “fountain of wisdom”, “out of touch”, and “our way” comments.) The two co-pastors (elders) prayed often for older, experienced people to join with them, desiring the wisdom of years and experience to help them in their efforts.

Darrell Post said:

“it’s that my generation has trouble accepting any thing that’s ‘different’.”

Ok, but could you give some examples of ‘different’? What is it that the boomers are having trouble accepting? Is it stuff like millennials who hold a special service where they stay up all night listening to preachers? Or is it stuff that the older folks find unacceptable because it is worldly? Like when millennials come to church only half-dressed, exposing things they should save for their spouses?

My response:

I’ve been preaching for 30+ years and, as a boomer, found it different to preach without a tie. I have peers who have verbally berated me for being in a church where the pastor doesn’t always wear a tie, where dress is typically business casual, and where some women wear pants.(Sorry to disappoint your expectation that we had immodestly dressed women in church.) We use a “worldly” acoustic guitar along with a piano, violin, and cello. And sometimes people will raise one hand (or maybe even both) during the singing.

I’ve also embraced a different view of church membership than I was used to. We have a rather rigorous “Introduction to Our Church” class that potential members must attend. We expect our members to forge meaningful, loving relationships with each other through interaction outside of church meetings. We also practice church discipline for things other than failing to attend church services.

One thing to keep in mind when talking about “generations,” is the scale factor. What I mean is that similarities, differences, values, attitudes of a generation are projected from samples and averaged out across large populations. So “Gen X tends to me more… and less….” is descriptive of a large, spread out population. Likewise for Millennials.

That’s useful information but translating into “these Millennials here in my congregation/neighborhood” is not a straight transfer. Each community is not a smaller version of the whole, but rather a portion of what makes up the whole.

As an analogy, the average IQ is said to be around 100. But a room of random people wouldn’t all be 100’s. You could have an east coast random group of 10 with IQ avg of 150 and a west coast random group with an avg of 90 and another somewhere else in between, etc. (And the low IQ group could get there by having 2 geniuses and 8 … well, the other extreme)

So we should expect to find that attitudes that trend across a generation have many, many exceptions on both ends that balance eachother out into an average. In some places, the differences between GenX and Mill. might be dramatic on some points and in other places, barely noticeable.

Ron,

I was simply asking for clarification, which you provided. Thanks! I am glad it is working out well for you. My experience has been a little different. For years we have tried time and again to forge friendships and build relationships with millennials in our church, having them over for meals, fellowship after services, etc., but the drift we get over and over is that they would rather not have much to do with us. My impression is that they are pretty headstrong, they get their way, and are amenable to the older generations so long as they go along with what millennials want. Its not everybody, but just the message we get as a whole.

Larry: my 17 year old daughter was “Ringo” (a much cuter one I think) in a re-enactment of the iconic Abbey Road album cover. She’s not much of a narrator for Thomas the Tank Engine, no matter how much my 4 year old son pleads, though. :^) (Ringo was the original narrator for Thomas)

Which is a circuitous way of saying that millenials are not all their own world. My family recently had a group of young ladies over for an all night knitting party, mixed with selfies and goofy fun. The morning after, I treated them to my grandfather’s waffle recipe….let’s just say the kids I know generally appreciate the other generations, especially if food is involved. I’ve also had good responses (having run when young myself) giving hints to kids on how to get better.

Regarding Darrell’s comment about “they are pretty headstrong, they get their way…” is that we all are. Ask any quality engineer about the “hidden factory” he spends time unraveling. We’ve pretended that we can do top down authoritarianism, especially in factories but all too often in the church as well, and in previous generations most people simply learned to feign obedience while getting things done the best way they can.

The difference today is that millenials really have little or no training in feigning obedience, and that’s a huge blessing. It means that we’re more obviously forced to do what we should have been doing all along—trying to understand what makes a person tick and how the Gospel fits into that.

Just a few relevant anecdotes:

• A man in his late 60s recently asked to meet with me. He wanted ideas for discipleship materials because a young man in his early 20s who has been sitting next to him for several weeks at a weekly men’s prayer breakfast asked this 60-something to mentor him. The man was shocked because it was kind of out of the blue (no prior existing relationship), but the young man saw something in him (one of the things he mentioned is that he saw all the notes the older man had in his Bible). Now, is that happening regularly at our church? No, but it is one example of what Mel wrote.
• We are looking to hire a Pastor of Young Adults to shepherd the young (primarily single) adults in our church. The young adults themselves told us they don’t want someone who’s still in college; they want someone who’s a little further along in life with some maturity who can give them guidance.

Greg, thanks for sharing that!