Eight Questions I’m Going to Ask the Young Man Who Wants to Marry My Daughter
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Good questions, but NOONE loves God with ALL their heart, soul, mind and strength. It is a goal we will not realize until our final redemption.
Here’s the list from JP…
1. Do you love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength?
2. Are you committed to the local church?
3. Do you know what love is?
4. Do you know how to lead?
5. Do you live out godly character?
6. Are you in a position to financially support my daughter?
7. Can you identify my daughter’s weaknesses and sin struggles?
8. Are you ready to be a parent?
Got me to thinking, what would I ask. It’s hard though, because how much do I already know about the guy before he asks to marry her? So, without a baseline… I’ll assume I know he’s a believer, that I basically like him, that he has a track record of serving the Lord. So…
1. What would you do if my daughter told you (let’s say a year after you’re married) that she doesn’t like how you spend money and you need to clear your spending with her before you do it?
2. Tell me what a couple of your biggest strengths and weaknesses are.
3. Tell me what you think is going to be difficult about being married to my daughter (after he answers, I’ll tell him what’s going to be difficult… for about an hour… not that she isn’t wonderful, but he already sees all the good stuff).
4. What does my daughter expect from you as a father?
5. What do you expect from my daughter as a mother?
6. How well do your expectations match hers (on both of these), in your opinion?
7. How do you think you’ll handle it when your kids misbehave and you disagree with my daughter about how to discipline them?
8. What do you think the number one job of a husband/father is (as opposed to the number one job of a mom/wife)?
Since he stopped at eight, I will too… but I believe I’d have at least 19 more (like, “What will you do if 5 years from now my daughter says she doesn’t feel much love for you anymore?” And “What if, 5 yrs from now, you realize you don’t feel much love for my daughter anymore?”)
1. Do you love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength?
2. Are you committed to the local church?
3. Do you know what love is?
4. Do you know how to lead?
5. Do you live out godly character?
6. Are you in a position to financially support my daughter?
7. Can you identify my daughter’s weaknesses and sin struggles?
8. Are you ready to be a parent?
Got me to thinking, what would I ask. It’s hard though, because how much do I already know about the guy before he asks to marry her? So, without a baseline… I’ll assume I know he’s a believer, that I basically like him, that he has a track record of serving the Lord. So…
1. What would you do if my daughter told you (let’s say a year after you’re married) that she doesn’t like how you spend money and you need to clear your spending with her before you do it?
2. Tell me what a couple of your biggest strengths and weaknesses are.
3. Tell me what you think is going to be difficult about being married to my daughter (after he answers, I’ll tell him what’s going to be difficult… for about an hour… not that she isn’t wonderful, but he already sees all the good stuff).
4. What does my daughter expect from you as a father?
5. What do you expect from my daughter as a mother?
6. How well do your expectations match hers (on both of these), in your opinion?
7. How do you think you’ll handle it when your kids misbehave and you disagree with my daughter about how to discipline them?
8. What do you think the number one job of a husband/father is (as opposed to the number one job of a mom/wife)?
Since he stopped at eight, I will too… but I believe I’d have at least 19 more (like, “What will you do if 5 years from now my daughter says she doesn’t feel much love for you anymore?” And “What if, 5 yrs from now, you realize you don’t feel much love for my daughter anymore?”)
Views expressed are always my own and not my employer's, my church's, my family's, my neighbors', or my pets'. The house plants have authorized me to speak for them, however, and they always agree with me.
If a guy has been hanging around our dd long enough for them to be considering marriage, we are already going to know quite a bit. I think the more specific questions you’ve suggested, Aaron, are a bit better than the ones in the OP. I can’t imagine my dd having a beau and us not knowing if he is committed to a local church, or if he is of Godly character.
I’ve found that many, if not most of the questions I might have about someone are answered when I watch them at times that they don’t believe anyone is paying attention, especially what draws their eyes, and their body language/facial expressions. I also pay attention to what people like to make small talk about, especially when they reveal how they spend their free time.
I’ve found that many, if not most of the questions I might have about someone are answered when I watch them at times that they don’t believe anyone is paying attention, especially what draws their eyes, and their body language/facial expressions. I also pay attention to what people like to make small talk about, especially when they reveal how they spend their free time.
[Here’s the list from JP…]He should take all these questions and change them from yes/no, to open-ended. It would be a lot more revealing and discussion-oriented.
1. Do you love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength?
2. Are you committed to the local church?
3. Do you know what love is?
4. Do you know how to lead?
5. Do you live out godly character?
6. Are you in a position to financially support my daughter?
7. Can you identify my daughter’s weaknesses and sin struggles?
8. Are you ready to be a parent?
1. In what specific ways are you striving to love God … ?
2. What are you doing now to show your committment to the local church?
3. Tell me your definition of love.
4. How do you lead?
5. How do you exhibit godly character?
6. Can you show me how you are in a position to financially support my daughter?
7. What are 7 of my daughter’s weaknesses and sin struggles?
8. In what ways are you ready to be a parent?
Interesting. You’re making this into a test, which means you will really test for someone with the ability to talk a good talk.
I really like Anne’s modifications.
I think that you will want to avoid making this into an examination.
What might be better is this:
1. Schedule visits so that you have a prolonged time for relaxed conversation.
2. Plan to talk about the specific ways that you (the girl’s parents) are striving to love God.
- - Will you find it natural to talk about this? If not, what are you expecting?
3. Start a conversation about what love is. Discuss Kierkegaard: “love is the works of love.”
People are going to be most genuine when they volunteer to join such a conversation.
I really like Anne’s modifications.
I think that you will want to avoid making this into an examination.
What might be better is this:
1. Schedule visits so that you have a prolonged time for relaxed conversation.
2. Plan to talk about the specific ways that you (the girl’s parents) are striving to love God.
- - Will you find it natural to talk about this? If not, what are you expecting?
3. Start a conversation about what love is. Discuss Kierkegaard: “love is the works of love.”
People are going to be most genuine when they volunteer to join such a conversation.
[Susan R] If a guy has been hanging around our dd long enough for them to be considering marriage, we are already going to know quite a bit. I think the more specific questions you’ve suggested, Aaron, are a bit better than the ones in the OP. I can’t imagine my dd having a beau and us not knowing if he is committed to a local church, or if he is of Godly character.
I’ve found that many, if not most of the questions I might have about someone are answered when I watch them at times that they don’t believe anyone is paying attention, especially what draws their eyes, and their body language/facial expressions. I also pay attention to what people like to make small talk about, especially when they reveal how they spend their free time.
I happen to come from a church large enough that several young people found their help-meets from within the congregation.
I know that a lot of young people from smaller churches decide to go to Bible colleges to (among other things) find a spouse. If a young person at a Christian college feels that they have found their God given mate at school, often the parents do not have the advantage of “getting to know” their potential future child-in-law. In such a case a list of “qualifications” might serve as a good place to start a process of approving (or not) the person your child believes God has provided to be their spouse.
[Rev Karl] I know that a lot of young people from smaller churches decide to go to Bible colleges to (among other things) find a spouse. If a young person at a Christian college feels that they have found their God given mate at school, often the parents do not have the advantage of “getting to know” their potential future child-in-law. In such a case a list of “qualifications” might serve as a good place to start a process of approving (or not) the person your child believes God has provided to be their spouse.
If our kids decide that they no longer want our involvement in their lives, then I can understand not having the privilege of ‘getting to know’ the person they are considering as a future mate. But if we have such a relationship that they continue to communicate with us about the things that are important to them, and if they value our judgment, then we are absolutely going to ‘get to know’ anyone they are serious about, even if we have to take a slow boat to China.
My kids at home are only 13, 11, and 8, but we have already had many discussions about how to choose friends of good character, and how to be a good friend. This IMO is a large part of the foundation of their future ‘romantic’ relationships, because we cover topics such as honesty, integrity, a work ethic, compassion, generosity… If they strive to model these behaviors, and develop close associations with people who are like-minded, then I’m not going to be all that concerned about their choice of spouse, or that my dd will hook up with Arthur Fonzarelli.
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