Why Are Pastors Depressed? A Look at the Research

[Mark_Smith]

one reason pastors are tired and depressed is everyone else thinks they are a better counselor, or have a better answer.

Well, Mark, there are certain cases I’ve seen where others clearly can be a better counselor than a church’s pastor. Proverbs 11:14 notes that there is safety in an abundance of counselors, and many pastors specifically send troubled congregants to trained professionals because they realize they’re in above their heads in many cases. I’m not a pastor, but I’ve done the same a few times. Trained professionals—and sometimes interested/experienced people without credentials—simply see things that the pastor, trained more narrowly in theology with a couple of classes on generic counseling, will not. A few decades of experience generally helps, but it’s really unfair to expect the pastor to be an expert in everything.

That’s my view about the case Larry mentions. He sees just a short summary that really doesn’t get to the key points; someone who’s experienced domestic abuse close up, or who has counseled domestic abuse (other abuse) victims, is going to see a number of “tells” that suggest there’s a lot more to the story. In Tyler’s story (which IMO did not need to be removed, it was a wonderful point about the difficulties of pastoring), the key “tell” is the wife’s response to the husband’s threat. She doesn’t say “I’m not going to that new church, you blowhard”, but rather reacts in fear. In other words, her view is that he’s made the “beat-down” he’s proposing happen a time or two before.

We don’t know when, how many times, what the nature of the beat-down was, but it’s a good bet that she sees events of the past in that light. It doesn’t absolve her of responsibility for her part in the conflict, but it does suggest some questions that need to be asked. The basic principle is that the abused (not just in domestic abuse/violence) will often start the discussion with a test comment—the “tell”—by which they discern whether it is “safe” or not for them to speak further. And if you’re waiting for the full “who what where when why and how”, you’ll rarely if ever get it.

He sees just a short summary that really doesn’t get to the key points; someone who’s experienced domestic abuse close up, or who has counseled domestic abuse (other abuse) victims, is going to see a number of “tells” that suggest there’s a lot more to the story.

I have been involved in domestic abuse situations before. In fact, it might be that I have been involved in more domestic abuse counseling than you have. Of course there is a lot more to the story. That is exactly my point. The fact is that there is no basis on which to claim anything about this situation. The proverbs speak clearly to those who answer a matter before they hear it: It is shame and folly to them. You haven’t heard the matter. You can read the proverb to see what comes next.

She doesn’t say “I’m not going to that new church, you blowhard”, but rather reacts in fear. In other words, her view is that he’s made the “beat-down” he’s proposing happen a time or two before.

You have no idea what her view is. You made that up. You fabricated it. You know nothing of this situation aside from four lines. He that answers a matter before he hears it, it is shame and folly to him.

We don’t know

This is the extent of what should have been the response here.

Tyler did highlight why pastor’s get depressed. Yet some here, without hearing one word feel qualified to pass judgment on a situation they know nothing about. It is both unbiblical and unwise. It is, to quote the Bible, shame and folly.

Why is it so hard for people to say, “I don’t know.” Or to say nothing at all. Why the compelling need to comment on a situation like this?

Jay, the point is that while everything you said might be true, you have basis on which to say it. You jumped to a conclusion based on very limited information. I think it would be better to stay out of it. Proverbs 18:13 seems applicable here: “He who gives an answer before he hears, It is folly and shame to him.”

Sure, no one is passing judgment as though they have all the facts. That’s my point: Judgment is being passed without all the facts.

I have had people come to me and admit they were abusing their wives. And if there’s bitterness, there’s usually a reason why. There is frequently wrong on both sides and that doesn’t excuse either side. But until we have heard the facts, we have no basis to comment.

Tyler gave a good reason why pastors get depressed. Take it for what it is.

I think pastors get discourage/depressed for the same reason everyone else does: expectations don’t match perceived reality.

I think there is a tendency to take too much on themselves, to spread themselves too thin and end up being overstressed, to try to do too much in terms of time. Because of other commitments, there is an inability to devote oneself to the work of shepherding people instead of trying to shoehorn it in around other things. The answer can be multiple things, but at the heart of it is to adjust expectations.

Jim’s comment, far above, cuts to the heart of the matter.

• A pastor can’t change a “pan-sexual” woman’s mind
• A pastor can’t fix a marriage
• A pastor can’t make an apathetic husband suddenly care about Jesus

All he can do is speak the truth, try to maintain a relationship so he can continue to speak truth, and leave it with the Lord. You naturally want to try to help. But, you can’t do much. Beyond meeting to understand the problem, and trying to help them see the truth from Scripture vs. the reality of their own actions, you can’t do anything.

We don’t have magic wands. We shouldn’t expect that we do have them, either. It’s very hard to remember that, sometimes. Should you go visit with a couple that’s having yet another recurring problem, or go home to read your son’s story he wrote that you’ve been promising to read for a few weeks? In many cases, you should go home.

My response:

The point flew over your head at about 36,000 feet.

….you could try making a coherent argument instead of taking potshots at me. For my part, I stand by the point that if indeed God has given different people different gifts to use in the church per 1 Cor. 12 and elsewhere, and especially if the usual Biblical model is a plurality of elders (men morally qualified and apt to teach) in a local church, pastors had better get used to people in the church thinking (often correctly) that they’ve got a better idea than the current paradigm. That’s simply how God set it up. God never expected pastors to be expert about everything, and if we believe in congregational or even presbyterian church polity, we’ve got to assume some level of expertise being shared with the pastors.