The Journey from Fear to Grace: A Review of Jinger Duggar Vuolo’s Becoming Free Indeed

“The Christian life was a treadmill, and I was constantly picking up the pace, pushing myself harder and harder. But like a treadmill, there was no destination, no arrival point that signaled the end of all that pushing. There was just … effort.” (116)

With these words Jinger Duggar Vuolo summarizes, in her new book Becoming Free Indeed, what life was like growing up in a family that adhered to the teachings of Bill Gothard.

Lest the mentioning of Bill Gothard’s name cause any to say they have no reason to consider this book, I would assert that any number of prominent preachers could be substituted for Gothard’s name throughout the book. Hence, it is relevant to us all—especially those of us familiar with Fundamentalism.

In her introduction, Jinger explains why she wrote this book. While attending Gothard’s Advanced Training Institute (ATI) conference in 2017, she learned that many of her childhood friends who once attended with her “no longer loved Jesus and wanted nothing to do with him … they had rejected everything they’d been taught about God, the Bible, and the Christian faith” (xi).

Many of us know people who grew up in church that no longer have anything to do with Christianity. “I’d fall off the treadmill from time to time,” Jinger admits.

Such a self-focused, effort-driven spiritual life wasn’t sustainable. I’m certain that if I didn’t have the Holy Spirit … I would have gotten off the treadmill and never gotten back on.” (116)

Today, Jinger testifies, “My faith is still intact, but it has changed” (xi). She has gone through the process of disentanglement. Whereas deconstruction involves tearing down and abandoning one’s religious beliefs (7), disentanglement is “unthreading my faith: separating truth from error” (9). This book details her disentanglement journey.

Although Jinger appreciates the blessings of growing up Duggar, her childhood was filled with fear. “By the time I was fourteen,” she recalls, “my worst, most all-consuming fear was the fear of what others thought of me” (18). She also “was afraid that I wasn’t obeying and honoring God adequately. I constantly wondered if God was displeased with me” (22).

Jinger lays the blame for her fears at the feet of Gothard. In her book, she shares some of Gothard’s teachings that flamed her fears. As a Fundamentalist, I have heard many of the same teachings parroted in pulpits.

Of all his teachings, Jinger seems most disturbed by Gothard’s Umbrella of Authority. This teaching made Christianity seem like

a transaction with God rather than a relationship with Him: If I obey the authorities in my life, then God will be pleased with me and bless me. If I disobey those authorities, God will not be happy with me and will not bless me. (63)

She asserts that “Gothard turned obedience into a matter of terror. If I misstepped in any way, I was removed from all protection, and Satan would have full access” (65).

Meeting and eventually marrying Jeremy Vuolo (raised in the home of a Reformed Baptist pastor) started Jinger on her journey of disentanglement. He began to teach her “that the Bible is more interested in telling me who God is than giving me guidance for every small decision I make” (83). He helped her to see how Gothard’s “teaching was feeding my fears and guilt, not showing me the grace of Jesus” (93).

Today, Jinger believes that “if God doesn’t tell us in the Bible that something is sinful, then He gives us freedom to decide whether or not we want to do it” (95). She labels Gothard’s proliferation of principles a “superstitious Christianity” (100).

In Chapter 7, Jinger discusses high-pressure invitations. Gothard often quoted verses like Deuteronomy 23:21 to stress the seriousness of making a vow before God. He once encouraged his audience to vow to read their Bibles and pray for at least 10 minutes every day. Jinger made that promise before God. She explains what affect that vow had on her life:

In the coming months and years, that simple vow would haunt me… . The difficult thing about that vow wasn’t the length of time required; it was the relentless nature of the guilt. The vow weighed on me. Even if I did read my Bible and pray first thing in the morning, I’d only have to wait a few more hours for that same pressure and guilt to creep back in. (107, 108)

Growing up, Jinger thought “God gave us the Bible to show us how to live. He had a bunch of commands … so people like me could know with perfect clarity what decisions were good – would please God and bring success” (109). Now, she understands “the Bible is about God and not me” (122). “Reading the Bible,” she testifies, “became an exciting act of discovery that wasn’t about me but about God and His glorious plan for the universe” (117).

Jinger notices now that Gothard used proof-texting when he spoke. She defines proof-texting as “coming up with an idea you want to promote and using a smattering of verses to support your claim” (113). Gothard “was teaching his own ideas and then pointing to verses taken out of context as proof that he was right” (113).

Another method Gothard used was “the slippery slope argument … the idea that certain behaviors may not be bad in themselves, but they can lead to other behaviors that are immoral, sinful, or harmful. These behaviors are like gateway drugs – they lead to something far worse” (159). “I’ve learned,” Jinger notes, “that if I have a conviction against something because it is spiritually unhelpful for me, that doesn’t mean the same activity is spiritually unhelpful for someone else” (159, 160).

Gothard also taught Jinger and others how to properly live as wives. He instructed them to always be “agreeable, happy, and relentlessly encouraging” (141). She has since learned that

it’s okay for me to get upset and discouraged. To have bad days. To not always be bubbly and cheery when Jeremy comes home… . I don’t want to suppress myself and all my emotions like Gothard taught. (141)

Jinger defines Christian liberty as

the idea that Christians have freedom to decide how to live, what to do, and even what to believe as long as those beliefs don’t disagree with the Bible’s essential truths about God, salvation, and Scripture. (155, 156)

This contrasts with Gothard’s definition of freedom which is “enjoying the desire and the power to do what is right rather than claiming the privilege to do what I want” (41). She claims the Bible

doesn’t say whether you should order beef, chicken, or pork. It doesn’t tell you which house to buy or what shoes to wear. It doesn’t even tell you which job to take or spouse to marry or whether you should marry at all. In those areas and so many others, Christians have the freedom to make their own decisions. (154)

Jinger mentions some of Gothard’s personal indiscretions. She reasons that if ATI’s principles did not work in his life, then they will not help others either.

Jinger cautions those oppressed by legalistic religion:

Rejecting Christianity because it’s associated with a teacher like Gothard may give the appearance of freedom, but it will not lead to true freedom. Likewise, obedience to man-made rules does not set anyone free. (129, 130)

“I am no longer being stricter than Jesus” (187), Jinger declares. She concludes,

When I look at the man-made rules I put so much hope in when I was young, I see only emptiness. More emptiness and hopelessness would have greeted me if I turned to the world … there is only one place to turn for the kind of hope that never fails: Jesus Christ. (191)

In her final chapter, Jinger lists the six basic principles for disentangling one’s faith.

Jinger currently affiliates with Pastor John MacArthur’s church and seminary. Knowing this enlightens the reader as to the theological perspective from which she writes. That being said, this is in not a theology book.

Due to its easy-to-read nature and thought-provoking subject matter, I would recommend this book for a book club or ladies Bible Study. Jinger raises issues that we need to deal with Biblically—whether we agree with her or not.

The lesson some Fundamentalists will take from this book is that they should never allow their daughters to marry a Calvinist! However, I think there are bigger fish to fry. I would much rather my children follow Jinger’s example than that of her brother Josh.

On a personal level, Jinger needs to examine her negativity towards Gothard. Gothard’s position on birth control led to her very existence. She would have likely not been interested in a guy like Jeremy had she not been raised in a conservative home inspired by ATI. Is Jinger able to thank God for Gothard’s positive influences in her life? (1 Thes. 5:18).

Jinger criticizes Gothard’s Umbrella of Authority, but she does not offer an alternative. The Bible clearly teaches that God appoints earthly authorities over us, and He expects us to submit to those authorities (Rom. 13:1-7, Eph. 5:22-6:9). The exception to that rule is when their commands directly contradict the Bible.

I am not comfortable summarily dismissing “the slippery slope argument” as Jinger does. God-positioned authority can often see our weaknesses better than we can, so we need to heed any warnings they may give us (Heb. 13:17).

In her thoughts on marriage, Jinger praises her husband Jeremy and lauds his servant leadership and attentive ears. However, she fails to consider how a woman living with an ungodly husband should conduct herself (1 Pet. 3:1-6). Perhaps this is a matter she could deal with in a future book.

Having grown up in a legalistic Church of Christ, I understand what it’s like to be on the spiritual treadmill. In such an environment, most people give up on living right (since it is impossible) and concentrate instead on appearing right (which is possible). Others, like Jinger, constantly stress over whether they are doing enough to please God. Within that group, many give up.

Thankfully, Jinger’s desperation drove her to the Cross. For those who are either pursuing God in their own strength or have fallen off the spiritual treadmill, I pray Jinger’s book will lead them to the grace and peace which comes through Christ alone.