Why Are Pastors Depressed? A Look at the Research

EDIT: I deleted my entire comment. I meant my remarks to about the difficult, practical realities of ministry. I did not want, intend or foresee a discussion about abuse or church discipline. I will not share real-world examples, even highly sanitized ones, in the future.

A pastor shared this with me:

I came to realize that I was living in ‘company owned’ housing that the church didn’t care about and that my income depended on ‘flakes’.

I resolved to be in a position where:

• I owned my own home AND
• I earned my own income

When his church failed to pay him, he got a job and declared himself a ‘tentmaker’. He was much happier.

We’re saying the work is hard and the pay isn’t great?

I thought people knew that going in, and had decided it was worth it. I’m not into mysterious callings, but like any work you settle down into, you have to believe it is what God wants you to be doing.

I suspect much of the “depression” out there is old fashioned discouragement. There are certainly a % of men in pastoral ministry who did not go into it with realistic expectations. In my own case, I did not leave ministry discouraged. The matter was taken out of my hands… and I increasingly think that’s temporary (though not “brief”!).

Tyler’s 3 examples:

1. The Husband is “basically a terrible human being”
2. The 20 year awful marriage
3. The “pan-sexual” sophomore

None of these, can a pastor solve!

However, some might not have been listening?

Back in the day at BJU, I had I think six years of the preacher’s class. I think I only had to do it two years of grad school, not the whole time. One of the features of that class was pastors coming in and telling us about what the ministry was like, stories just like Tyler relates above. It certainly was sobering. Some of them I remember to this day, and thank the Lord for the guidance given.

I have had similar situations to all three of Tyler’s examples above. I realized many years ago that I would have to develop a “thick hide” or I would not be able to handle the disappointments. After while, I realized that my now developed thick hide kept me from experiencing the same level of empathy for people’s problems that I had before. It’s tough to get the right balance. Experiencing every problem at a deep emotional level will destroy you. When you add up all the problems of scores of people, it becomes overwhelming. Steel yourself against feeling too deeply, and you can become a bit calloused. It seems the only two options are either emotional burn-out or callousness. Any advice? For my part, I regularly lay this concern before the Lord in prayer, and ask Him to give me the proper degree of tender feelings and emotional toughness. “O to be like Thee, blessed Redeemer!”

[Don Johnson]

However, some might not have been listening?

Back in the day at BJU, I had I think six years of the preacher’s class. I think I only had to do it two years of grad school, not the whole time. One of the features of that class was pastors coming in and telling us about what the ministry was like, stories just like Tyler relates above. It certainly was sobering. Some of them I remember to this day, and thank the Lord for the guidance given.

These were very helpful. In my day, we called it “McCallister Live,” since Dr. Bruce McCallister would interview a panel of 5-6 pastors. While it can’t tell you how to decide the specific cases you come up against, it can at least forewarn you that you will come up against specific cases that demand a unique conclusion, and that no, you can’t expect to have textbook instruction for them.

“most” evangelicals see Christianity one of 2 ways.

The first are the fresh ones who see Christianity as a self-help club. You learn how to have a great marriage. Be a great dad. Meet a wife. Get a raise. Get a better job. Become a leader. Very little Jesus except He wants the best for you.

Second is more traditional. They are the fire insurance crowd. They come faithfully every week. Maybe even tithe or give. But when you talk to them, they know nothing except every Christian cliche in the book. You try to teach on sin or love, and the parrot fires up,” [whistle] , God loves the sinner but hates the sin… [whistle] “. They hear NOTHING you say, and get mad if you don’t agree with their cliche. They never grow, and manage to throw sand on everything. In my Sunday school class one guy proudly shows everyone his Bible he got when he was baptized…60+ years ago. Looks practically brand new. You know he never reads it. A woman named Deborah… o boy. Once I tried to tell he her name is Hebrew for “the word” or “the message”. A beautiful name. She gets smug with me. She deliberately misses any church event that is anything out of the normal, and is proud of it too. Our church is 500+ and I’ll bet 300 or more are like this. They know it all, at least what they want to know. But they are so immature it is sad.

[G. N. Barkman]

Experiencing every problem at a deep emotional level will destroy you. When you add up all the problems of scores of people, it becomes overwhelming. Steel yourself against feeling too deeply, and you can become a bit calloused. It seems the only two options are either emotional burn-out or callousness.

I agree that this can be a problem, and I do feel myself oscillating between being emotionally despondent over other people, and simply throwing myself into my day job with the attitude of, “I prayed; I tried; looks like you’re past help; that’s too bad; bye now.” I haven’t figured it out yet either. What’s worse is when I find myself asking, “So, God, do you intend to transform anyone? Anyone?” Then it helps to start reviewing cases in the church where God is working in people, like the young people without parental support who take initiative to get themselves rides to church; the two children (brother and sister) who walk to church and attend regularly; the people who quietly step up and bear each other’s burdens.

We recently went through a time of 5 deaths in 4 weeks that impacted families in our church body. Two of those were touching my family in some way. Add to that the cares, life trials, and experiences of others, and these experiences of living in a fallen world can pile up in a hurry. Caring is costly … and godly (Rom. 12:9ff). It is also helpful in going forward (2 Cor. 1:3-5). A person’s view of God’s sovereignty, goodness, and care will go a long way in helping or not helping them interpret life properly. Psalm 23 needs to be coupled with Matthew 7:24-27. Wise or not, the storms of life come. I guess I write this as a testimony to God’s care of my soul and helping me through the hurt, while I had to help others and others helped me and my family.

Like Tyler, I could write of numerous heart-wrenching examples of situations going bad in families in our ministry and extended ministry. For sure, it drives me to my knees in prayer, and sharpens the reality of understanding the true reality and nature of spiritual warfare. Our enemy hates all of us, and works non-stop for the full destruction of every living image-bearer. The weapons of our warfare are not programs, degrees, full calendars, or appointments. I suspect a greater need for a deeper prayer life and ministry. Perhaps, we should encourage each other as we interact through the blog and in our reading, to not neglect pursuing deeper seasons of prayer as our spiritual ancestors did (Acts 4, 12), as they realized in a greater way the true nature of the battles. I truly ache for the guys who are struggling, but I do wonder, even of myself, if I am seeking to maintain proper motives and heart alignment. This critical for maintaining a persevering spirit (2 Tim. 4:7).

but I think the frustration Tyler wrote about is the Bible has told us how to build a foundation to survive the storms. As Jesus said, if we build on solid rock, we will make it. But too many people that show up at church seem to care so little about basic Bible reading, discipleship, prayer, etc. They want you to pray for them, but they won’t do it for themselves. I think it is that lack of connection to God and His Word that causes people to wonder how many Christians are really Christians! That is very disheartening.

I appreciated this article very much. I am in my 41st year of being a full-time pastor. I was a youth pastor for six years at my home church, Oak Forest Baptist Temple, in Oak Forest Illinois. I was a candidate for FBC Troy in December of 1984, and by God’s grace alone I am still the lead pastor of this wonderful church and Christian school. That said, there are so many things that discourage a pastor, one understands why a pastor fights discouragement. I have had numerous opportunities to leave Troy and take other pastorates, but I have always turned them down. I view pastoring a little bit like marriage. You work through the ups and downs till death do us part. Our congregation has put up with my flaws as much as I have put up with some difficult individuals. During one’s tenure in the ministry one’s definition of success actually changes. This is helpful to a pastor. The biggest this or that is not the goal one should strive for. How you define success will often determine the tenure, purpose, and quality of your stewardship. Pastors need to love each other, pray for each other, help each other, sympathize with each other, and sometimes rescue each other. My son is a pastor and one of my sons-in-law is a pastor. I pray for them sincerely and empathetically. I have two former pastors in our congregation, both of whom now work full-time in a large family-owned funeral home. They seem quite content and both are using all their pastoral skills in this new line of work. I use them frequently to preach and teach in our church. That’s what I mean by rescuing.

We place the Focus on the Family Bulletin insert into our church bulletins once a month. I also use Home Life, Parent Life, Mature Living magazines some in making hospital and other visits (stamped with our church name & address). Sometimes I just leave a magazine or two in church pews or Sunday School rooms.

I know this does not solve all family problems, but it seems to help a little and give some backup to the idea of a Christian family. Prayer always helps.

And, do your best to take a day or two off each week. Tell your church you need to do it to keep your sanity.

David R. Brumbelow

• A couple at church has been married 20 years. Their marriage has been awful since day one. Terrible. I privately think they should divorce.
• Wife and I did counseling with them for 9 months. They can’t get past blaming the other person, and refuse to acknowledge personal responsibility. Tried everything. Won’t budge.
• Passed them to a counselor in church, a church member. She’s worked with them for six months. She told me they’re the most bitter couple she’s ever seen. She privately told me they should just divorce.
• On Sunday, just before sermon, I received word husband is thinking of taking family to another church “where [wife] will be held accountable.” Wife is devastated and beside herself. Husband is essentially doing this because we refuse to agree that everything is wife’s fault.

That’s not bitterness. That’s abusive leadership and a stubborn unwillingness to obey Eph. 5:25-29 and Colossians 3:19 (at a minimum) on his part. No wonder the wife is devastated if that’s how he’s dealing with his family.

If his solution is to “agree that everything is wife’s fault”, then that’s a clear sign that he’s got some seriously skewed ideas of “leadership” in the home. I’m not saying his wife is blameless - you mentioned that she’s bitter - but he is clearly communicating a bigger problem than bitterness.

[Jay]

• A couple at church has been married 20 years. Their marriage has been awful since day one. Terrible. I privately think they should divorce.
• Wife and I did counseling with them for 9 months. They can’t get past blaming the other person, and refuse to acknowledge personal responsibility. Tried everything. Won’t budge.
• Passed them to a counselor in church, a church member. She’s worked with them for six months. She told me they’re the most bitter couple she’s ever seen. She privately told me they should just divorce.
• On Sunday, just before sermon, I received word husband is thinking of taking family to another church “where [wife] will be held accountable.” Wife is devastated and beside herself. Husband is essentially doing this because we refuse to agree that everything is wife’s fault.

That’s not bitterness. That’s abusive leadership and a stubborn unwillingness to obey Eph. 5:25-29 and Colossians 3:19 (at a minimum) on his part. No wonder the wife is devastated if that’s how he’s dealing with his family.

If his solution is to “agree that everything is wife’s fault”, then that’s a clear sign that he’s got some seriously skewed ideas of “leadership” in the home. I’m not saying his wife is blameless - you mentioned that she’s bitter - but he is clearly communicating a bigger problem than bitterness.

I thought the same thing when I read that, or at least my antenna went up. Obviously, there is a lot to the story we don’t know but if I saw this happening, I would be suspicious. Abusers love to enlist churches to help them gain more power over victims.