How to Be There for Those Walking Through Grief

My wife of over 52 years died the day before Easter this year which was also my last day as pastor of the same church for 38 years. (I retired in hope of having more time to care for her although the church was already graciously allowing me to be home to care for her). I am so grateful for friends and family who have walked alongside me in these difficult days.

How not to be there:

• Expect someone to get over it
• Quote Bible verses on how all things work together for good
• Compare their grief to some trivial aspect in your life

First of all, my condolences, Nord.

One thing that can be powerful is to note something that actually is similar. For example, when I learned that a coworker had lost her father, it seemed helpful to her that I'd also lost a parent (my mom) to a similar cancer to that which had killed her father.

Overall, though, the advice in the article seems good. Be there, listen, give appropriate reassurance, offer a hand or a hug if it seems appropriate, and understand that your cheeks might get irrigated, too.

One other thought that comes to mind is that sometimes old songs do well to describe the emotions of mourning. One of my favorites that way is George Jones' "He Stopped Loving her Today", about a divorcee who stopped loving his ex-wife only....when he died. I don't think it's too far to note that for a lot of widows and widowers, about the same sentiment is shared.