How do you deal with professing believers who "live together" without being married?
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I have to deal with a couple who have been faithfully coming to church who are living together. She has a daughter from a previous marriage, and he is the only one of the two that professes to be saved. How would you deal with them? What specifically would you deal with first? Would you have a different discussion with each one? What Scripture would you use?
Thank You in advance for your help.
Randall Clark
Thank You in advance for your help.
Randall Clark
Randall,
This is something my church deals with frequently, and we’ve had it work out well several times. In one case a Christian couple who was living together before engagement decided to move apart after counseling from our pastors. The woman moved in with our pastor’s family until the wedding. I would start by approaching the couple about premarital counseling. That would get a conversation going.
Start at the most basic of sexual ethics. What is marriage for? What is in bounds and out of bounds outside marriage? If they don’t agree with you on the basics, there’s no point in moving onward.
Second, they may claim they’re not having sex. Here’s where you get into how we should live in ways that demonstrate our faithfulness to scripture. If a couple tells me they’re not having sex but living together, say “yeah right.” They should understand this.
Give the Holy Spirit some credit. He can work in their lives if they are believers, or the lack of his working will demonstrate that they aren’t. If they are not members of your church, do not conduct church discipline! Do not.
Finally, love them. Be willing to inconvenience yourself for them to make things right, as my pastor did. That will go a long way.
This is something my church deals with frequently, and we’ve had it work out well several times. In one case a Christian couple who was living together before engagement decided to move apart after counseling from our pastors. The woman moved in with our pastor’s family until the wedding. I would start by approaching the couple about premarital counseling. That would get a conversation going.
Start at the most basic of sexual ethics. What is marriage for? What is in bounds and out of bounds outside marriage? If they don’t agree with you on the basics, there’s no point in moving onward.
Second, they may claim they’re not having sex. Here’s where you get into how we should live in ways that demonstrate our faithfulness to scripture. If a couple tells me they’re not having sex but living together, say “yeah right.” They should understand this.
Give the Holy Spirit some credit. He can work in their lives if they are believers, or the lack of his working will demonstrate that they aren’t. If they are not members of your church, do not conduct church discipline! Do not.
Finally, love them. Be willing to inconvenience yourself for them to make things right, as my pastor did. That will go a long way.
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