Counseling - relationship -vs- ministry role
In years past, I was a youth leader. I met with many teens. Some boys one-on-one or in twos, threes, Bible study groups, etc.
With some, I developed friendships that persist even now, and we still sometimes talk on the phone or text. With others, the relationship waned with their graduation and progression out of our youth ministry. Even in those cases, I would still consider myself their “friend.”
My wife and I have also done a very limited amount of pre-marriage counseling. In most of that, we have not kept up significant contact with some of those couples.
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Question: To what extent is it proper to view these relationships as functions of our ministry role vs. deeper relationships? Is it ok to meet with teens as a fulfillment of one’s role as youth leader, and then tell them that I can’t meet with them as much once they have gone to college (they should embrace a new ministry, etc.)? Does that make them “projects” instead of truly loved brothers and sisters?
Good question. I think part of it has to do with the vocational model of ministering to specific groups of people. Paul was an apostle to the gentiles, but that did not mean that he only ministered to gentiles. It mean he was going to a regions where they lived. As I read your thoughts I am thinking that when teens go off to college they will often be in a different region and thus it will be natural to not have as much contact with them, but if they are still in the same city and same church and 10 years later are married with kids, then their age or stage in life should not be a barrier to ministering to them. I think a lot of this has to do with the church’s expectation on how the youth, music, visitation, fill in the blank, pastor uses their time. With multiple staff it makes sense to utilize talents where best, but I think there needs to be flexibility to let the roles of pastors change. That is why I am not a big fan of giving a pastor a limiting title like “Pastor of Married Couples with Three Kids.” I hope you get the tongue in cheek there, but I have the same issue with the title Youth Pastor. Why not just call him Pastor and let him be used to minister to the whole church and if a large part of that ministry is to youth because of his gifting, then great.
Discussion