Polyamory: The Next Sexual Revolution

Newsweek looks at the latest evidence of societal decline

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John Benzing's picture

can one person really satisfy every need?

Of course the answer is no. But to ask the question is to show one is already on the wrong track.

Dan Miller's picture

can one person really satisfy every need?
By that logic, can five?

Daniel's picture

I found it very interesting considering a friend and I have been talking about very similar things. (obviously not doing it, but some of the principles behind why they do it.) He has done a lot more study on this subject and swinging couples than I have. Take these statements for example:

When there are twinges of jealousy, they talk them out—by getting to the root of what's causing the feeling. "It's one of those things that sounds really basic, but I think a lot of people in conventional relationships don't take the time to actually tell their partner when they're feeling dissatisfied in some way," says Terisa.
Polyamory might sound like heaven to some: a variety of partners, adding spice and a respite from the familiarity and boredom that's doomed many a traditional couple.
I know it is very easy to just dismiss everything they say due to their obvious flagrant sin, but I think part of the issue of why they do it is to somehow 'fix' what they believe to be 'broken'. (obviously marriage is not broken, but rather people are sinners) But they are answering in their own worldly world view questions they have. And some of those answers seem to be rather correct, like the first quote: the answer is to communicate to your spouse what is bothering you, be open and honest. Or the second one, obviously taken too far, but the question is how do I not get bored with my spouse? (this should not be the case, but it obviously is with the amount of adultery happening, not just with the unsaved, but the saved. And so no one jumps on me, boredom is never an excuse for adultery, but obviously people use it to justify their actions.) In their world view adding someone else to the mix relieves that boredom. In my view, though, this only prolongs the inevitable boredom to a later date. The answer should be to turn the question around and seek to find ways that please your spouse to keep the honeymoon alive years after you are married. But even their answer partly seeks ways to please your spouse. Obviously the completely wrong way, but there is in some ways a giving of oneself for your spouse to allow your spouse to find 'spice' outside of this relationship.

But yes, obviously this type of relationship is Biblically wrong, but that does not allow us to just dismiss everything. They are asking and answering questions that we as Christians need to be asking and answering. Not just for ourselves, but for those around us. And perhaps we could even learn some things from them, such as the necessity to communicate to your spouse what you are thinking and feeling. (as men, generally we find sharing emotions extremely hard. And part of the problem is the wife does not communicate to her husband in a way he understands that when he thinks he is communicating he actually isn't and that he needs to change how and what he communicates. It is like a vicious circle where both parties have to start at the same time or it wont move.)

Or, how to keep the honeymoon alive long after the wedding? Perhaps a non-allegorical interpretation of SoS might help. And might I dare say, actually applying some things the Beloved or the Shulamite do and say. (obviously do not use the lines the beloved uses or you might get a strange stare -reminds me of Cosby talking about Adam and Eve and the first pickup line 'bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh': what was Adam thinking?-, but the idea of wooing your spouse every day of every week of every year, for the rest of your life.)

Or the question that has already been asked, can one person satisfy every need?

This probably was not the direction this thread may have intended, but since nothing was really said as of yet, I figured I had the liberty to.

Anyways, I am just rambling now waiting for my sister to give birth so I can go to bed. She just went into the OR for a c-section.