The men I met on Christian Mingle: I dated the married, lonely and confused

…in my mind is what is to be gained by making courtship fairly anonymous? Online dating seems to be a great way of letting the unscrupulous take advantage of this factor. Finding a mate can be hard, but I’m guessing that anonymity makes it a lot harder. (one of the nastiest things to come out of Hollyweird’s “love conquers all” mantra….no, Marion, I think a little more repentance of his past life is required of Professor Hill before you marry him!)

I actually once passed on a married man’s dating profile to an elder in the church I was attending….a neighbor spotted it and we figured that was something where people would take action, and they did. Sounds like this lady’s experience was similar. On the flip side, we’ve got a young couple at church where the young man has something of a history….but they deal with it straight up, so it just might work out. No rings yet.

Thank God I never encountered any women on Christian Mingle like the author of the linked article. Hard enough to maintain sexual purity without having to fend off a “Christian” woman who has an extensive sexual history and whose idea of celibacy is to wait until the second date.

Instead, I found it relatively easy to assess both seriousness about faith and other basic compatibility criteria from CM profiles, which provide information about church affiliation, frequency of attendance, personal testimony, marital history, and children (among other topics). It was not a problem to steer away from women who had never been married but had children, whose testimony indicated a poor or erroneous understanding of salvation, who didn’t attend church regularly, or who attended churches too far outside my theology. I would expect the same to be true of women looking for compatible Christian men. I’m sure that indiscriminate CM dating leads to bizarre and disappointing experiences, but why would any healthy person engage in indiscriminate dating, in any forum?

As it turned out, God had a sense of humor about my CM experience. After a few months of sifting profiles in the city I had recently moved to, a new profile popped up that really jumped out — a very attractive woman, Christian Reformed background (rare), a few years younger than I, with a special needs son (I have a special needs daughter), and so forth. In our initial email exchange, God revealed His surprise — she is a member of the church I had already decided I was going to make my church; I just hadn’t yet seen her or learned anything about her. Best of both worlds, because we started off knowing a lot of basic compatibility information from CM and we have the same trusted body of believers who know us (her more than me) and can help us as we pursue a God-honoring relationship.

I’m not lobbying for anyone to use CM or one of its Christian-oriented competitors, but neither should they be dismissed across the board, if used wisely.

dmyers, I assume you noticed that the source was salon.com. Unlikely they would publish something friendly to Christians. Not surprised about what happened to her. Regardless of what she writes in the article, I would pretty much suspect her of being a plant with the intent to discredit Christians. If what she had found was positive for Christians, it’s unlikely that article would have seen the light of day at that publication.

She might even be right about the types of people she found on the site (and as you and Jim said, she has her own issues), but I’d be much more likely to believe what she found if published by a more neutral source. As it is, I’d have to hear about a lot more experiences like hers before I thought it was anything but a hatchet job.

I don’t know that we’ve got to suspect Salon of doing a hit job here. in the first paragraphs of the article, the author notes that she’s a Lutheran “deacon in training” (in other words, probably ELCA) and her desired beau was a divorced (or “lapsed”) Catholic. In other words, it’s exactly the kind of situation that David Myers said he quickly figured out how to avoid, and since David notes that he steered away from such, he’s actually saying the same thing about Mingle that the author is, and what I’m saying as well. That if you choose to use a dating service like Christian Mingle, you’ve got to watch out for signs that someone is not the kind of person one would want to marry, whether those signs are obvious or hidden by the user.

It’s what people have said about dating services for decades, and it should surprise no one that it’s being said about Christian Mingle. Be as wise as serpents, but as innocent as doves. And glad that things are working out well for you, David.

I found my wife in church, and it was a great blessing. Not all are so fortunate. It is interesting that God does not specify how marriages are to be made, but emphasizes marriages be all they can be.

[Joeb]

Hey guys I have three eligible sons. For the right price (10gs) each one can be had. I have to settle that Gordon college debt somehow.

I’m thinking it’s a bride-price, not a dowry, minimum of 10 cows apiece for one of my daughters. :^) (gotta feed the rest somehow)