Confessions of a Recovering Legalist
Editor’s Note: This article is reprinted by permission from Getting Somewhere.
Hi, I’m Brent. And I am a recovering legalist. I’m looking for a support group for people like me.
I grew up in a Christian home, had parents who loved me and loved God. I went to church every Sunday, learned all the stories, gave my offerings—even went off to a Christian college. And I loved God—and I still do. But I had a problem— legalism. I didn’t know it was a problem, at least not for a long time.
I was addicted to “the list.” The list was made up of all the things that you were supposed to do and not supposed to do if you wanted to keep God happy with you. Most of the things on the list were good things—some of them even came right out of the Bible. But some of them didn’t. They were passed along to me from several sources, but mostly from the traditions of the church. Since I am not much of a rebel by nature, I had no problem with keeping the list. The problem was what the list did to my Christianity. It became way too much about performance, and not enough about reality. And “spirituality” became more of an issue of conformity than obedience.
And the list led to “the line.” The line was somewhere on the list. When a person kept enough of the list to make it to the line, he could feel good about himself, and about his supposed relationship with God. By measuring up to the line, a person could feel like he was good with God. And he could also feel like he was better than others. Think of it as spiritual arrogance.
But the line led to “the look.” Appearances became the most important part of life. And what was seen on the outside was prioritized over what was happening on the inside. It’s not that things weren’t happening on the inside in my life—they were. But things like peace and love and joy weren’t as important as the Bible says they should be. And no one was judging my spirituality by that.
It got worse. When you are a legalist, you spend a lot of time evaluating others, making sure they measure up. What does their “list” look like? Does their list include all the important things that are on mine? And where is their “line”? Is it up there where it should be? Or can I consider myself superior since my line is higher? And do they “look” like they should? Or can I look down on them for looking better myself? This evaluation was often called “fruit inspection,” when in actuality it was judgmentalism.
Then one day I picked up a book by Jerry Bridges by the title of Transforming Grace, and that is exactly what happened in my life. I was transformed by finally understanding was Grace was all about. The list? I couldn’t keep one good enough to please God—that’s why I needed Jesus, both for salvation, but then to live the Christian life. And measuring up to the line? It wasn’t making God love me any more—He loves me because of who He is, not what I do. And my concern about looking good? He was more concerned about who I was than what I did.
My view of Christianity was changed. It was no longer me doing things to please God, it was me doing things to express gratitude for what He’s done in my life. It’s not about a list. It’s about love.
I still struggle with the legalism thing, especially in the area of appearances. I’m still wary of letting down my defenses and letting people see what is going on inside of me. It’s really hard for me to admit sometimes that I’m struggling, that I don’t have everything figured out. It’s hard for me to be transparent and real. But I know I need to be.
And I still want to be judgmental. I know the list isn’t the big deal—but it’s still there inside of me somewhere. And part of me still wants you to measure up to it. But I’m trying to come clean.
I guess that’s why I’ve come here to Legalists Anonymous today. Maybe you’re a recovering legalist as well. Let’s try to encourage each other.
Brent Wood and his family live in Granger, Indiana, where he has served in a church for the past twenty-four years. He is currrently exploring new possibilities in ministry. He blogs at Getting Somewhere. |
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Great article, very edifying. Thanks.
Missionary in Brazil, author of "The Astonishing Adventures of Missionary Max" Online at: http://www.comingstobrazil.com http://cadernoteologico.wordpress.com
I still have a list of sorts, but its origin is the clearly defined principles of the Word of God, and not the expectations of others. My goal is to obey the command to strive to be holy, and what comes out in my actions and appearance is a result of that effort, and not a desire to adhere to the traditional Fundy List of Do’s and Don’ts. That list is made up completely of exterior behaviors, like “Don’t go to the movies”… but weightier matters such as kindness, self-control, and generosity are completely left out. Self-control will result in being able to resist the lusts of the flesh and mind, and a kind and generous spirit will be conscience of not causing another brother to stumble… which for some folks may result in not going to the movies, but not going to a movie in and of itself does not do anything to make one holy without the proper motive.
Honesty about one’s struggles is important as well- wasn’t Paul honest about the fact that he often wanted to do right and failed miserably? I do not understand people who are ‘respected Christians’ or in positions of authority and influence in the church who present a ‘victorious Christian’ front, but in reality are jockeying for power, influence, and respect, while in their personal lives they can’t control their bitterness, their mouths or their temper, and they have no compassion or graciousness with those around them. I know a few folks ‘in the ministry’ that are well known and respected, but I have a feeling that all their good works are going to go up in smoke, because their ministry and testimony is a facade to keep people at a respectful arm’s length so they won’t get a glimpse of their true character, or lack thereof.
What started the big change for me was a message by C.J. Mahaney entitled “The Cross: From Legalism to Grace.” I learned that legalism is not only thinking that I can please God more by doing good things, but also feeling like He loves me less when I’m not doing so well.
It really is “transforming” to know that God’s love for us is constant because of Christ’s work on our behalf.
[Brian Jo] I grew up measuring my spirituality by comparing myself to those who didn’t follow “the list” as well as I did. I thought I was a good person.Do you happen to have a link for this?
What started the big change for me was a message by C.J. Mahaney entitled “The Cross: From Legalism to Grace.” I learned that legalism is not only thinking that I can please God more by doing good things, but also feeling like He loves me less when I’m not doing so well.
It really is “transforming” to know that God’s love for us is constant because of Christ’s work on our behalf.
Practical, candid insight. Thanks Bro Brent.
"I pray to God this day to make me an extraordinary Christian." --Whitefield http://strengthfortoday.wordpress.com
DennisThe first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him. ~ Proverbs 18:17
[Diane Heeney]I can’t find a free download version of it, but it’s #3 on this CD:
Do you happen to have a link for this?
Practical, candid insight. Thanks Bro Brent.
http://www.sovereigngracestore.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=A2120-00-…
Keep an eye on this page and they may make it available for download eventually:
http://www.thisisnext.org/resources
[Brian Jo]I did find this link for Mahaney’s “Enjoying Grace and Detecting Legalism”, a free download: http://www.sovereigngracestore.com/downloadFiles.aspx?key=Free13f9ff0e-… . Listening to it now. Good stuff.[Diane Heeney]I can’t find a free download version of it, but it’s #3 on this CD:
Do you happen to have a link for this?
Practical, candid insight. Thanks Bro Brent.
http://www.sovereigngracestore.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=A2120-00-…
Keep an eye on this page and they may make it available for download eventually:
http://www.thisisnext.org/resources
"I pray to God this day to make me an extraordinary Christian." --Whitefield http://strengthfortoday.wordpress.com
As a Roman Catholic, I had to do many things to be on God’s side, hopefully to escape Hell someday, and to not spend too many years in Purgatory. But when I received Christ as my Savior, the burden shifted, for He bore all my sins, and the uncertainty of heaven as my destiny was removed.
Now it’s a desire to please Him, who died for me, giving myself as a living sacrifice, that directs my life. :bigsmile:
Open our eyes, Lord. Luke 24:31,32,45 KJV <·)}}}>< Silverghost °Ü°
[Diane Heeney]I’ve listened to this sermon several times over the last few years. It’s a great one.[Brian Jo]I did find this link for Mahaney’s “Enjoying Grace and Detecting Legalism”, a free download: http://www.sovereigngracestore.com/downloadFiles.aspx?key=Free13f9ff0e-… . Listening to it now. Good stuff.[Diane Heeney]I can’t find a free download version of it, but it’s #3 on this CD:
Do you happen to have a link for this?
Practical, candid insight. Thanks Bro Brent.
http://www.sovereigngracestore.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=A2120-00-…
Keep an eye on this page and they may make it available for download eventually:
http://www.thisisnext.org/resources
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Greg Long, Ed.D. (SBTS)
Pastor of Adult Ministries
Grace Church, Des Moines, IA
Adjunct Instructor
School of Divinity
Liberty University
A good read on the legalist issue would be a book written by James MacDonald called, “I Really Want to Change…So, Help Me God”. Though I do not fully endorse this author and his “camp”, I did find portions of this book to be helpful. (pages 33-37). Thanks for posting.
Anyway, I recommend the book to those who are struggling with “legalism” - even though that term makes me a bit nervous.
Dan PelletierHamilton Square Baptist Church - San FranciscoActs 20:24 - Touch the Future with Truth from the Past
Group A - People who have a good heart, and love the Lord and really understand what worship is and walk with God in prayer every day, but have liberty to watch nudity in movies, drink alcohol, and wear sweatpants to church.
Group B - People who are just going through the motions, don’t have any real relationship with the Lord, don’t really KNOW him, but are strict on themselves and others with regard to minor issues on standards that don’t matter to God. These people do not have a good heart.
I submit there could be a Group C - A person who has a good heart, loves the Lord, really understands what worship is and walks with God every day. They also understand the doctrine of Justification - they can’t do anything to make God love them more or less because the Lord Jesus Christ has done it all (this has nothing to do with legalism), but they mortify their flesh by not watching nudity in movies, not drinking alcohol (perhaps because their father was an alcoholic) and by not wearing sweatpants to church (perhaps they have 20 dresses so this is not a financial consideration.) I confess Group C does not understand Group A. This doesn’t mean they feel hateful or superior to them.
Is this possible?? :)
Happy Moments - Praise God; Difficult Moments- Seek God; Quiet Moments - Worship God; Painful Moments - Trust God Every Moment - Thank God
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