Pregnant at 18. Hailed by Abortion Foes. Punished by Christian School

It seems that there are a lot of assumptions driving this thread.

1) That the girl is truly repentant, but the school does not acknowledge her repentance. How do we know this?

2) That this girl is being punished in a way that no one else has ever been punished. How do we know this?

3) That other students have committed equally serious sins but are getting a pass. How do we know this? Even if that is true, how do we know that these sins have come to light and have not been dealt with in an equal manner.

Let me suggest another possibility. The girl made a public confession, but continues to evidence lack of repentance. She clearly resents having made a public confession. The parents have taken up her cause, and are determined to publicly humiliate the school for administering punishment which they believe is too harsh. That doesn’t look like genuine Biblical repentance to me.

Since we do not know any of the above, either the previous assumptions, not my hypothetical situation, why do we seem to rush to defend the student and condemn the school? Contributors to SI sound more like unsaved parents of public school students than Bible-believing Christians. Let’s give the school the benefit of the doubt. After all, they know the student and her parents. They know whether humility and repentance have been manifested rather than pride and defiance. They have a concern for the spiritual welfare of the girl and her parents, and are endeavoring to minister to them in the most loving and spiritually effective way possible. That’s what I’m willing to assume until clear evidence demonstrates otherwise.

I don’t think we have all the details and are aware of various things said in counseling this young lady. That being said I don’t feel not being able to walk is too extreme. I do have a problem with the parents going public and doubt that it is in the best interest of their daughter. I remember an incident at a near by Bible church. This happened about 20 years ago. A young lady in the church became pregnant. She when before the church and repented and then they had a church baby shower for her to celebrate her pregnancy. A friend of my who was a member of the church asked me what I thought. I felt rather than a public church baby shower (inviting all the young girls in the church) the ladies in the church should buy her things for the baby and give them to her privately (support but not celebrate).

GN, look here. Again, exactly how many consequences of her actions does this girl need to live with and accept before we decide this girl’s repentance is for real? As I’ve demonstrated here, she has arguably satisfied the Biblical requirements plus some already, and again speaking Biblically, the school does not have the right to arbitrarily set discipline standards.

Once again, if we want to make hearts hard and send girls to Planned Parenthood, making arbitrary, extraBiblical requirements of kids who sin is exactly what we want to do.

Regarding others committing the same sin, it is a fact that statistically speaking, about 50% of Christian high school students do indeed fornicate. So the likelihood that nobody else besides this girl did in a class of 15 is about 0.00006; not terribly likely, to put it mildly. We might not know their names, but they are probably out there. Even if this class is only half as likely to fornicate as others, the likelihood that nobody else committed this sin is less than 2%.

Regarding the idea that others have committed serious sins and not been punished this way, we can make a pretty good inference from the evidence; the father was head of the school board and would know very well what was and was not done, and the principal has not challenged this claim.

So sorry, but I think that the answers to your questions are in each case emphatically yes.

Are there any seniors in this girl’s class who would fit any of the above descriptions? Has their punishment been sufficiently meted out? Are they walking in their graduation? There is no call in Scripture for singling out premarital-sex-resulting-in-pregnancy in the way that Christian culture often does, ie this case.

Just to be clear—I’m not saying consequences aren’t ever warranted in cases of premarital-sex-resulting-in-pregnancy, but that there is a strange focus on this particular sin as requiring extra-super-duper consequences. And IMO, it’s totally bogus, hypocritical, and sometimes flat-out creepy.

Yes. Thank you for putting this in words - I’ve been wanting to say this for a while.

Since we do not know any of the above, either the previous assumptions, not my hypothetical situation, why do we seem to rush to defend the student and condemn the school?

Because a bunch of us are seeing the issue that Susan noted in her post?

Because the board decided on a punishment is untimely, arguably arbitrary, and calloused to someone else that’s really messed up her life?

That she’s being singled out because we can see that she’s pregnant and someone with, say syphilis wouldn’t be treated that way because we can’t see it externally?

Are those good enough reasons, or should I continue?

Bert, I’m surprised that you are defending this girl based upon assumptions without any way to know. We all know a few things made public. We don’t know what was said behind closed doors. We know what the father was quoted to have said publicly We have no input from the school. (It’s dangerous to form opinions before hearing the other side.) In addition to these things that we all know, let’s consider a few more things we also know that you seem to be overlooking.

1) She minimized her sin with words like, “All I did was…” That doesn’t sound like repentance to me. Compare that to the words of David in Psalm 51 in describing his sin.

2) She and her family have taken this to the court of public opinion rather than endeavoring to keep it within the circle of Church and school where the infraction took place. How does pressing one’s case in the New York times support evidence of a repentant heart? That’s taking the issue before unbelievers, something Scripture forbids. Does anyone wonder what the NYT and unconverted public is going to think?

I find your description of the school’s punishment being un-Biblical rather silly. The Scripture neither requires nor prohibits allowing someone to walk at graduation. Does that make it inappropriate? I’m not aware that Scripture prescribes expulsion from school as a suitable punishment. Would there be no situation where a Christian school ought to employ that penalty? Based upon your criterion, Christians schools would have virtually no allowable penalties for infractions.

Sorry, but the more this thread continues, the more suspicious I become of the professed repentant hearts and honorable intentions of this girl and her family. Instead of rushing to judgment against the school, we should hold our opinion, give benefit of the doubt to those we know were sinned against, and assume that they understand the situation better than we. Our public defense of this girl may encourage her to continue with a defiant and unrepentant heart. Our concern for the welfare of her soul should give us pause.

[G. N. Barkman]

We have no input from the school.

As long as it remains there, there is now a “Statement from Principal Hobbs” that appears on the front page of the school’s website:

http://heritage-academy.net/

– Mod note: Added image from above website –

I wrote this, in my own post far above:

I’m certain every single thing mentioned in this thread occurred to the school administrators. I’m also certain they tried to do what they felt was best, balancing the need for grace and compassion (after all, Jesus can and will forgive sexual sin!) and the need to not condone the action, or seeming to condone it to the student body … Regarding this teenager, it’s a difficult decision. It’s impossible to understand the dynamics of the situation from our keyboards. I would tend towards grace. Others would tend towards the other option. Very hard to have to make these decisions.

I am still convinced we don”t know enough facts to issue opinions on this particular matter. The principal’s statement (referenced by Larry, directly above) is excellent and Biblical. I thank God the school has a wise man leading it, whatever you may think about the school’s decision.

GN, the reason I’m defending this girl is really simple; she’s met the Biblical criteria that I can find. If you can find some Biblical criteria that would indicate that the school is indeed entitled to impose more penalties than did Moses, Paul, or Christ, have at it, but I’m guessing your list of prooftexts is going to be rather short, as in a perfectly round number. I simply cannot square the school’s approach with that of Scripture—did Jesus treat the woman at the well this way? Or the woman caught in adultery?

Really, adding to the words of Moses, Paul, and Christ in this way simply makes us Pharisees. Let’s give it up.

Bert, I’m surprised that you are defending this girl based upon assumptions without any way to know. We all know a few things made public. We don’t know what was said behind closed doors. We know what the father was quoted to have said publicly We have no input from the school.

and the last paragraph in that very same post ends with:

Sorry, but the more this thread continues, the more suspicious I become of the professed repentant hearts and honorable intentions of this girl and her family…we should hold our opinion, give benefit of the doubt to those we know were sinned against, and assume that they understand the situation better than we. Our public defense of this girl may encourage her to continue with a defiant and unrepentant heart.

But this thread doesn’t have anything from Maddi herself (just whatever the NYT saw fit to print) and only the one thing from her dad’s Facebook wall. So on what basis do you conclude that she may have an ‘unrepentant’ or ‘defiant heart’?

I do think that this is a case where Matthew 7:1-5 is applicable, because it certainly seems like several of our brothers are far more interested in judgment and punishment than what is best for her and her family. And if she wound up going to Planned Parenthood, well then at least we’re spared the indignity of having a ‘sinner’ in our midst at a graduation ceremony.

/shakeshead

“Maddi is being disciplined, not because she’s pregnant, but because she was immoral. The Student Pledge which every student from 5th through 12th grade signs states…”

And that’s why we penalized her three or four months after she found out she was pregnant. After we suspended her for two days while we figured out what to do, and also removed her from the Student Council leadership and whatever else she was involved in and made her apologize to the entire student body at some point.

Sorry, I’m not buying that. At some point, she’s been punished enough by the school. This is excessive. Even unbelievers aren’t this hard on people.

it’s the timing. If you’re not going to let her walk, tell her when you first discipline her (that was way before Easter).

I’m not sure I would be as forgiving either after the embarrassment that Heritage is making of her.

Isn’t the dad the causing the embarrassment here? Had he said nothing, very few would have known. I didn’t think Heritage was the one who made it public. I am troubled that a dad would use or allow his daughter to be used in this way.

Jay,

I do think that this is a case where Matthew 7:1-5 is applicable, because it certainly seems like several of our brothers are far more interested in judgment and punishment than what is best for her and her family.

Yet you have had no trouble passing judgment. Why?

For instance, you say, “the board decided on a punishment is untimely, arguably arbitrary, and calloused to someone else that’s really messed up her life.” That’s clearly a judgement in violation of your own claim. Furthermore, you provide no supporting evidence for it. How it is untimely? Or arbitrary? Or calloused? Those are judgments that you are in no position to make.

In most Christian schools. premarital sex is an expulsion offense because of the nature of the sin. I have no idea about this school. But I wonder why, in your mind, assaulting a teacher or setting fire to the school shouldn’t be met with grace and forgiveness as well. How would you explain your dichotomy here? Do those people not deserve the same kind of grace and mercy you want here? Where do we draw this line and why? What about drugs or alcohol? Or cheating? Or fighting? How do we know which sins deserve the grace and mercy of walking in the graduation line and which do not? Is there any sort of rubric you can give us? Or is this just arbitrary on your part?

You realize, of course, that she didn’t sin just like the rest of us do. There are a great many people who sinned like she did, but not all have. And all of us are sinners, but not all sins have equal temporal consequences. That is a well established fact of biblical Law and civil law. In your construct, didn’t the student who assaulted a teacher sin just like the rest of us? Yet you have asserted differing standards for them.

I suppose part of my quandary is the idea that seems implicit that the only way a church can help a young lady like this is by letting her walk in the grad line. Or at least that they cannot help her unless they let her march. But there is no reason I can think of that the only way the church can minister and serve her is by letting her march. It seems like there are a lot of others ways that the church can serve and help even if marching is not allowed.

The idea that several have suggested that this make abortion seem like an easier route is frankly so absurd I can’t imagine it was made. Killing your baby is easier than not marching for graduation? What kind of messed up world are we living in? I would imagine that when she decided not to abort, it wasn’t tied to marching at graduation. And I imagine that if she had found out that she wouldn’t be able to march, she still wouldn’t have aborted. (After all, she hasn’t.) But connecting those two things is wrong. Even if that were true, it still wouldn’t be right. It would be a purely pragmatic consideration.

You have made no argument for why marching in graduation is a matter of grace and forgiveness, and why marching at graduation is the only way a school can show compassion. That’s a major flaw so far.