Hospitality

Susan:

Expressing hospitality is a good thing. We need to teach our children the virtue of sacrificially serving others. But alone time is a good thing, too. We need to teach our children the virtues of rest, refreshment, re-creation, and together time. And I think an important idea is that both should be a joy.

Perhaps key to your question of balance is "reaching out the right hand of fellowship...as I should." As you should according to whom or what? Do you find yourself feeling the guilties no matter what you do in this regard? IOW, when you're enjoying some alone time, do you feel guilty that you're behaving selfishly? And when you're giving of your stuff in hospitality, ever feel guilty that you're not spending enough time alone...or that you can't get your child that pair of shoes he needs, etc? Most of us probably tend to err on one side or the other.

Since there are no hard & fast criteria for the "should" in these areas, I would suggest setting some personal, perhaps private (between you & spouse) goals -- e.g. one Sunday a month, we'll have someone in our home for noon meal...after evening service...and so forth. But also balance that with some corresponding goals re. alone time. And realize they are nothing more than personal goals...they are not scripturally mandated criteria.

And when the budget is particularly tight...or your family has just gone through a stressful time...ENJOY some peace and quiet so you can re-charge your batteries. Read Psa. 23 from the standpoint of what our Shepherd does for us as individuals -- "he leads ME beside the still waters...makes ME to lie down in green pastures...restores MY soul..." -- and that should help cure the guilties felt over "alone time."

Enjoy.

How often you would you have family in your home if you had family living nearby? For example, if your parents or siblings lived nearby, would you consider it a burden to have family in your home once a week? Many people would not. Now, when it comes to the people you go to church with, they should be family, especially if they are born again.

Instead of having hard and fast rules, just look around the people at your church and ask God to help you love them like you would your own family. You should. Matter of fact, God says we are to esteem others better than ourselves in the book of Philippians. Once I have that love in my heart, God will lead me as to how frequently I have people over in my home.

For the Roof home, it averages out to about one day a week that we have people in our home. Now, there are some weeks that there are people over multiple days. There are other weeks where we have more a of break. For example, we have been gone a lot this Summer so we have not had people over as frequently but this will probably pick up here at the end of this month.

Are there people attending your church who have never been invited to a fellow believer's home? If so, it's time to invite them over.

What about being broke? I've been there most of my ministry. We don't play politics with hospitality. I don't have a home worth "showing off" but it's clean because of my incredible wife. Most of the time, we don't have fancy food. Yesterday, we had a Pastor and his family from another church in our home for the whole day. I cooked hot dogs on the grill. We had some sweet corn, chips, salsa, and our guest Pastor's wife brought some taco salad. We ate, fellowshiped, went to the NY Giants football practice,and then went to McDonalds dutch treat for dinner. We had a blast.

The biblical responsibility of hospitalty often becomes like some kind of contest where the lady of the home feels pressured to provide the best. You can keep it simple, show a lot of God's love, and be a big blessing.

lately, but in a different sense.

More about what we consider hospitality. Like, in our culture today, i think we often equate hospitality with what we call "entertaining" or fellowship. And it is that.

but i think very often in the Bible (and today), hospitality was concerned more with actual need in person's life, like a need for a place to sleep when traveling, a need of food, of a shower, a place to rest. Christians do this a lot today, too, like putting up missionaries, traveling speakers, etc

we've had singles live with us for a time, i guess that's hospitality. it's actually easier for me to do that then have people over for dinner regularly. is having ladies' Bible study also hospitality?

I think this can broaden the idea to offering one's home to people without family, people in crisis situations, etc.

I believe your applications are "spot on." Incidentally, I came across an interesting observation in the book Evangelism for the Rest of Us, dealing with those of us who are more "alone" oriented by nature. The author pointed out that where you are on the introvert-extrovert spectrum determines whether being around people saps or restores your energy. The thinking is that, if you're more of an introvert, you can enjoy being with people (expressing hospitality, for example), but it will take energy out of you--you'll need alone time to restore your energy level so you'll enjoy being with people again. If you're more of an extrovert, alone time tends to sap you--you are energized being around people, but alone time is necessary for spiritual nourishment. From my personal experience and my observation of others, I think this is a helpful insight into the hospitality/aloneness tension.

It depends on many things. I grew up having people in our home, maybe not every week, but certainly regularly. My parents welcomed company. Now, with my husband's odd work hours, he wants company only occasionally. This has been difficult as I would have people over more often. But he is the one with the weird schedule and he must be my first priority--even if hospitality is not as often as I'd like. Fortunately, we have had enough company to be a good example to our children.

It also depends on the season of life--both someone's age and someone's circumstances. Sickness takes its toll on me and makes me want to hibernate. I've had some physical difficulties lately and find myself avoiding opportunites to interact instead of embracing them like normal.

Hospitality in the church (as in, between church families) appears to have gone way down over the past 20 years or so. People do not go to others' homes as much as they used to. Furthermore, much interaction is done in restaurants instead of homes. I think something is lost there.

I think Greg and Diane have good points here. We need to be open to having people come over. An open home. Loving arms. I'm not always that way. Sometimes I love to have people over, but I tend to think it is more "entertainment and giving a meal" than what I believe is the true definition of hospitality and that is, --just having an open home.

We've been on the receiving end of much hospitality by people in many churches in the states. Sometimes people are afraid to have others in their homes for fear, like Susan, that they will be judged for the clutter, etc. that someone might see. That is so sad, IMO. We should be oblivious to the clutter and be honed in to the people. When people think they have to have a cleaning crew in for a week just so they had host a party or have company, then the focus is on the wrong thing. I'm really not talking about normal cleaning, but about major, massive, deep cleaning. But the truth is, those of us who "live in our homes" and home school and use them will tend to have more "used homes" than those with few children, no children at all, or send their kids out all day to a regular school.

We only wished that some of the people with the larger homes would be more willing to open them up to missionaries. We've had both, though. We felt bad in one church where one time the only people who would have us lived in a mobile home. Not for our sakes, but it meant that the couple moved out of their bedroom, put their kids together all in one room so the missionary family could have places to sleep. There were people in that church with large, largely unused homes, who could have volunteered. We had a wonderful time, but even the couple commented on it (actually they were the ones who told us about it since we wouldn't have known otherwise).

Some of our favorite memories are with people who actually let us see their 'less than perfect' selves. Of course, my kids were thrilled with huge beautiful mansions and we felt spoiled. But it was really unnecessary. We aren't that way and don't need it to feel comfortable.

I think we are confusing hospitality with entertaining. Sometimes I don't feel like having an open home. Esp. when teh floor needs mopping and the living room needs straightening. Then I have to pray for patience. (We've had our share of drop in visitors, and they expect us to be glad they are here--even when we are not--they often are people with no "social skills" and don't know when to leave.) DH is better at getting them leave than I am--for example, by offering to take them to the bus stop, etc.