Dealing with Abuse/Molestation properly

Rachel,

I have worked with abused children and you do not necessarily want to tell them that you believe them up front, out of concern for attention seeking behavior from those who have been repeatedly abused. That being said you also do not want to take the approach of some on this forum (and I'll resist the urge to name names) who would like a trial by fire for the victim. Maybe I am just quibbling over words but giving them the benefit of the doubt and being lovingly gentle with them is a better approach. I know that relatively few cases of abuse turn out to be just "crying wolf" but they do happen. Oh, and just to dig myself a deeper hole, if I bothered to look it up I could tell you that there is a high percentage of people who falsely cry abuse that have actually been abused at some point in their life.

I strongly disagree though with your broad brush that a pastor-counselor does not have the skill to deal with abuse situations, maybe that's only true with IFB churches though

You have to report right away. Let the authorities determine the scope and extent or reality of the abuse. Investigation isn't our role. Counseling victims is and leading the church in how to handle the situation including discipline if the perpetrator is connected with the church in any way. But investigation isn't our first or primary responsibility.

Regarding #2, given the uniform existence of mandatory reporting laws, church leaders ought to obtain legal counsel so that they understand the requirements of the laws of their state. Note that these laws vary from state to state, so you need counsel who is familiar (or becomes familiar) with your own state's laws. Also, while this should go without saying, be cautious about generalities that you find online.

Mandatory reporting laws establish a floor, not a ceiling, for our responsibility. Nonetheless, we need to understand this aspect of our responsibility, including who in the church is covered (e.g., are nursery workers covered in your state?) and what the nature of the obligation is. Note that reporting obligations are not necessarily limited to instances in which a person specifically alleges that he has been abused or has witnessed abuse occurring: certain circumstantial evidence can be sufficient to require a report. What and how much? That is an important thing to learn.

Consider requiring each person who is a mandatory reporter to go through some form of meaningful training and retaining records of this training.

Rachel, in what states is this last statement true? This would seem to depend on how the state statute was written. I found the following statement in a Virginia Child Protection Newsletter tonight: "It is not the reporter’s task to substantiate the abuse, only to report reasonable suspicion." While I would not deem this legal advice on the scope of Virginia's statute, it is noteworthy.

I would agree that we need not investigate and substantiate the occurrence of abuse, but exactly what are you saying must be reported right away? I am uncomfortable with the vagueness.

Why not?

Rachel, the Iowa Law Code specifically states that a report must be made if there is a "reasonable suspicion of abuse." Those exact words are used in the law. It is just as great a crime to report each and every unreasonable allegation of abuse made against a church member as it is to fail to report a reasonable suspicion of abuse. In 2007 in the State of Iowa only 25% of the reports made to the Department of Human Services were found to involve actual cases of abuse.

Here's one example. I know a friend who was working in a church in the Awana program. A child was acting up and this man put his hands on the boy's shoulder and told him to calm down. The child immediately blurted out, "Hey, you touched me funny." Thankfully this happened in a room full of people, so everyone was able to see exactly what had happened. Kids today know exactly what to say to get an adult in trouble. This is an example of a situation where someone was accused of something, but there was no reasonable suspicion that any abuse occured. It would have been wrong to report that to the authorities.

So I agree with Mike that questions should be asked to determine if there is a reasonable suspicion of abuse or mistreatment, but NOT to establish full-fledged guilt or innocence. If there is any question, it should be reported.

Gentleman,

My point is/was that if we are attempting to develop guidelines for churches whose default has too often been under-reporting, that the language should be carefully chosen to indicate that REPORTING is the default as opposed to personally investigating, determining the "reasonableness" and THEN perhaps reporting. I daresay that here it is more important to emphasize reporting than it is to emphasize "reasonableness." If a child claims to be taken up in a UFO and taken to Siberia, then yes, determining the reasonableness of reporting makes sense. But this has not been the problem that is being remedied. It is also important to remember that false claims are very, very, very, very rare.

As a matter of fact, the fact that a couple of you have latched onto this aspect concerns me. :-/ When there is any doubt in "reasonableness" a pastor should err of the side of reporting.

Because abuse situations require significant training, education, and experience to deal with. Unless a pastor has also been a professional counselor specializing in abuse, he does not have the skill necessary to help the victim with ALL of his/her issues. A pastor's help could be a valuable addition to professional help, but it should not replace it.

G.R.A.C.E. (the non-profit that ABWE is working with) says this about the issue of counseling:

There is a book by Bill Anderson, called When Child Abuse Comes to Church. I recommend it as an excellent resource.

Instead of sitting at our computers and guessing what the best course of action is, maybe we ought to make appointments with local attorneys or police officers to discuss how to best handle accusations of child abuse and molestation. If your church can't afford to meet with an experienced attorney for consultation, it might be wise to go to the Library and spend some time looking up the laws. If nothing else, then you're demonstrating a real concern for the children and adults in your churches to the unsaved, which will glorify Christ.

Proverbs 21:31 seems to be fitting and appropriate here.

I killed a few minutes and typed this up. I need to write one of these anyway. This is divided up into Pre-Crisis, Crisis, and Post-Crisis. Sorry of someone doesn't like the word crisis, it is a crisis though.

Pre-Crisis:

I. Develop a Plan of action unique to your own church, locality and state
a) Purchase an Insurance Policy for your church
II. Mandatory Background and Reference Checks for all church staff and employees.
III. The Pastor (and elders depending on church government model) need to teach the congregation regarding:
a) Biblical Parenting
i) Authors whose material is frequently used for excusing abuse (The Pearls, Gary Ezzo)
b) Biblical Discipline
i) The Sin of Abusing anyone
ii) The sin of neglecting to care for one's household (1 Tim. 5:8)
IV. Mandatory Training of Church Staff who works directly and indirectly with children on signs and symptoms of abuse and neglect, as well as what the Bible says, what the law says and what church policy is.
a) It must be clearly stated that covering up abuse will not be tolerated.
V. Counseling Training for anyone who may be asked to be involved in the counseling of an abuse incident
a) These people should also be trained in how to work with outside authorites, counselors, social workers etc.

Crisis:
I. Receive report,
a) Ask intelligent questions to explore scope of problem.
b) Provide Comfort (1 Thess 5:14 ) to those who have been hurt
c) Document thoroughly in writing all interactions with all parties involved in allegations

II. Contact police / child protection authorities immediately
* Abuse should be reported regardless of mandated reporting laws. Reporting of abuse allegations should be the default. Some states require mandatory reporting if there is even a reasonable suspicion of abuse or neglect, so know your states laws and default to confronting (Matt. 18) and reporting (Romans 13) suspicions of abuse and neglect.
a) Seek Legal Counsel to ensure that the law is followed to a 't' before abuse comes up.

III. Contact any parents/guardians that are not believed to be involved in the abuse.
IV. Notify appropriate church leadership.
V. Begin church discipline where necessary. (Matthew 18)
a)Private Confrontation
b) 2-3 Witnesses
c) Before The Church
d) Put the Person out
VI. Set limits on freedom/responsibility of accused as appropriate.
a) Anyone in leadership should have to step down until they are either cleared or found not guilty
b) Until there is a conclusion the person should be supervised
c) It may be necessary to bring other families in the church into the situation if the abuse is in the home
i) Provide for an abused family member or the alleged perpetrator to stay in a neutral location
d) Provide another church or ministry for the person to attend until the matter is cleared up

VII. Pursue counseling with any/all parties who will receive it.
a) Participate with mandated outside secular counselors where appropriate.
b) Pursue Pastoral Counseling if the Pastor is trained and knowledgeable in counseling those who have been abused.
i) Pursue outside counseling if the pastor is untrained or uncomfortable (i.e. the abuse is to close to home)
VIII. Develop A Plan of Action for the Crisis
a) Every Situation has some unique elements to it, and a plan should be made to care for all parties involved including the alleged perpetrator and their family.

Post-Crisis - A Plan of Action for each of these should be developed at the time that the incident is first brought to light. Confrontation, Counseling and Restoration need to be planned for and not done haphazardly.
I. If the Accused Party is Found Guilty
II. If the Accused Party is Found Not Guilty
III. If the Accused Party is Guilty but the statute of limitations has expired
IV. In all cases there needs to be a plan in writing for restoration

Pastor Tim,

I can answer this. If things go south they can blame all of the fallout on you.

Bill

Maybe I have a gift.

Jonathan, I know that you are the compiler/scribe here, so these comments are focused on the outline, not you personally.

This does not seem to account for the possibility of an allegation that does not raise reasonable suspicion, such as the example Greg raised. Unless your state requires a report regardless, that should be factored into the analysis and decision, as discussed earlier in the thread.

I have been trying to think of circumstances in which a report to authorities was warranted but an inquiry/confrontation with the accused person (assuming that person is a church member) would not be necessary. To this point I have thought of none. Does something occur to anyone else?

This raises a host of concerns. Three come immediately to mind. First, putting a person out of leadership, as in (a), or out of the church, as stated in (d), seems like presumptive de facto church discipline/expulsion. Is it consistent with Scripture to do this at this early stage? One can say that this is simply a temporary measure, but I am not sure that meets the Biblical issue. That warrants consideration. That also leads to the next issue.

Second, "cleared" by whom? And what does "cleared" mean? What if the authorities close a matter without action? That does not necessarily mean that they concluded that nothing improper occurred. It could reflect a decision that there was not sufficient authority or resources or evidence to proceed, or it could reflect some other exercise of prosecutorial discretion. What if the authorities delay due to extreme case load or inadequate resources? Is the accused not left in limbo in such cases?

Third, what level of suspicion/evidence is necessary to invoke these measures? I am struck by Greg's statement, "In 2007 in the State of Iowa only 25% of the reports made to the Department of Human Services were found to involve actual cases of abuse." We need to be careful all the way around.

Brent, I appreciate your ongoing contributions. Really, the discussion on this thread is what we need to take away from this story. Most of us are not in any position to influence the outcome other than by prayer. (No small thing.)

I graduated from BJU in 1979, MDiv in 83. The subject was not significantly addressed in the schools at that time. This is not to blame the schools, it just wasn't on anyone's radar screen back then. In fact, the first time I really thought about it was when, in a pastor's reading group, we read the book by Bill Anderson that I linked to above. That got us started on thinking about church policies.

Our insurance companies here in Canada provided liability insurance for abuse, but it was only about five years ago or so (not more than 8 years ago) that they required us to have a formal written abuse policy. They have since continued to provide additional information and advice on these matters, including a video they sent out for us last year.

I say all that to say that most pastors are really just getting up to speed about this. (Not saying that I know I have figured it all out!) But these are new challenges for us and we do need to be serious about educating ourselves and implementing wise policies, and being vigilant in our ministries.

I certainly hope our schools and seminaries are addressing this subject in the preacher's class these days. It is no small matter.

I've put this list together from various sources. It's mostly books and authors that focus on teaching/encouraging parents to love their children and they give alternative, creative, non-adversarial ways to help us help our children learn to obey and learn many, many other spiritual and human qualities.

Thesea are both secualar and Christian authors. I haven't read them all, and the ones I have, I don't agree with every word, of course, or all the philosophies, but I think they are books that will give parents *safe* and effective tools for childrearing. I don't recommend any book that uses spanking as a primary means of discipline. Some of these books do talk about minimal spanking and when to use it, most do not encourage spanking at all. (I think I'm trying to say, a parent couldn't read one of these books and from it's teachings, come away with something that would harm their kids.) If you use this list in your church, you will probably refine it as people read them, but I think most are pretty sound.

Also, I want to mention that my home church in the TN has started a ministry reaching out to families at risk of abusing their children. They work with moms/parents recommended to them by the government (parents at risk of having their children removed from the home). Among other things, they teach parenting classes and have a great curriculum developed if anyone is interested in that--I can give you contact information.

Positive, safe parenting resources:
Danny Silk, Loving Our Kids On Purpose
Relational Parenting, How to Really Love Your Child, and others, Ross Campbell
Elizabeth Pantley
Heartfelt Discipline, Clay Clarkson
Grace Based Parenting, Tim Kimmel
The Discipline Book, William and Martha Sears
Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline, Becky A. Bailey
There's Gotta Be A Better Way: Discipline That Works, Becky A. Bailey
Kids Are Worth It!, Barbara Coloroso
Positive Discipline The First Three Years, Jane Nelsen
Positive Time-Out, Jane Nelsen
Playful Parenting, Lawrence J. Cohen
How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen, And Listen So Your Kids Will Talk, Faber & Mazlish
Siblings Without Rivalry, Faber & Mazlish
Raising Your Spirited Child, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
Love and Limits, Elizabeth Crary
Raising Your Children For Christ, Andrew Murray
Families Where Grace is In Place, Jeff Van Vonderan
Tired of Trying to Measure Up, Jeff Van Vonderan
The Measure of a Family, Gene A. Getz
Parenting is Heart Work, Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller
Say Good-bye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes (in You and Your Kids), Scott Turansky and JoAnne Miller
Setting Limits With Your Strong-Willed Child: Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries, Robert MacKenzie
Making Children Mind without Losing Yours, Dr. Kevin Leman
Parenting With Grace: A Catholic Parent's Guide to Raising Almost Perfect Kids, Gregory Popcak
Jo Frost's Supernanny books
The Mission of Motherhood, Sally Clarkson

Bob Bixby recently preached two good sermons for parents
Stop Playing the Parent Card and Start Dying to Parent http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?sermonID=32811025170

Children, Obey Your Sinners!
http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=410111643222

Websites for research
Ezzo/Babywise/Growing Kids God’s Way:
• http://www.ezzo.info/
• http://bobbixby.wordpress.com/2010/07/16/growing-kids-gods-way-not-ezzos-2/
• http://bobbixby.wordpress.com/2006/07/11/growing-kids-gods-way-not-ezzos/

http://watchmansbagpipes.blogspot.com/ A Christian apologist. Scroll down to his categories, and you’ll find posts on “Bill Gothard” and “Mike and Debi Pearl”
www.tulipgirl.com Categories for “GFI/Ezzo/Babywise” and “Pearls/TTUAC/NGJ”
I’m sure there’s tons more.

Encouragement and discernment:
www.thatmom.com She has great podcasts!

One other suggestion that I've been meaning to make is to document EVERYTHING related to a charge. Document, at a minimum:

1. The name of the person you spoke with and their position, title, or badge number
2. When you spoke with them, and what was discussed
3. Followup steps from there
4. Whatever steps you're thinking about taking - eg. contacting your Board re: church discipline

In short - anything related to a charge of molestation or abuse of any kind should be logged somewhere, so that you can produce the records/documentation if needed. That way, if there is an allegation of negligence on the your behalf, you're covered.

One of the reasons why I find Phelps's testimony more credible is because he's said that he spoke with Officer Jim Cross and NHDCYF worker Erin Dickson, and that Tina's mom spoke with Lieutenant Gagnon of the Concord Police Department. Details like that can make you seem like everything was handled properly.

Coincidentally I just received an email from the Church Law Group with the following link on what to do after an allegation of abuse:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZX1tFTmLxi4

I am genuinely puzzled, because the initial appearance of "reasonable suspicion" in this thread was your use of it in your list in your original post. Why do you now think it does not apply? How would you handle the situation that Greg described earlier in the thread here?

Criminal acts are not a 'Matthew 18' or an 'if a brother be overtaken in a fault' situation. Victimizing children physically or psychologically is against the law. Period. Church leadership should never advocate that a church member handle such a matter simply between themselves. It does require professional help. Never assume you know the law because Aunt Jane or Dr. Snodgrass think they know the law. Check it out for yourself.

When allegations are made, it is essential to take into consideration the nature of the report. "I saw Mr. Jones put his arm around Suzy when they were praying" is different than "I saw Mr. Jones put his hand in Suzy's shirt when they were praying". One behavior is inappropriate but could be innocent, the other has no chance whatsoever of being innocent. That is why there are 'reasonable suspicion' caveats in the law.

Many years ago my dh and I started hearing from parents about how many incidents of questionable behavior their kids were telling them after sleepovers at friend's houses. Parents who walked around the house in thin barely-covering-the-essentials nightshirts and boxer shorts, older siblings wrestling and tickling younger kids in ways that made them feel uncomfortable, and even a few cases of 'musical bedrooms'. And still parents don't think there is a problem with sleepovers.

The danger isn't only from the opposite sex either- girls are more often experimenting with other girls, and boys with boys. They see it portrayed as normal and fun on TV, and parents are still grossly naive about what is going on behind closed doors. Kids need to learn boundaries- not just with adults, but with each other. Modesty in the home, between siblings, and places like bathrooms and showers at camp is essential. Youth camp and lock-ins have become a gateway drug for sexual impropriety. We need to stop being so clueless that we continue to place children in the path of temptation and make it open season on young people for predators.

I know I keep harping on prevention, but IMO taking steps to prevent molestation will help spot it if it is already occurring, like draining the bathtub reveals the grime that is lying on the bottom.

Susan,

Yes it is a Matthew 18 issue and it is against the law, it is not either or.
Child abuse, as well as the abuse of other people is a sin - categorize it under adultery, fornication, lust, malice, anger, wrath . . . take your pick. Saying that sexual abuse of a child is not a sin just because it is not specifically mentioned in the bible is a can of worms I don't think you want to open (there are a significant number of evil behaviors not specifically mentioned in the Bible).
Sin is a Matthew 18 issue and if the sin breaks the law then the law needs to be brought in. Discipline the guilty as Matthew 18 prescribes and get the law involved (Romans 13) if necessary - we are to submit to the law.
Church discipline, in exceptional cases because of the laws that have violated, may require bringing in the law. I am certainly not advocating anything else.

I read this column this morning, ( Parents, don't dress your girls like tramps) and was thinking that a contributing factor could be our own girls' confusion about sexuality.

If our girls are thinking of themselves as already being sexual at a young age, to the point that they are experiencing problems such as eating disorders and depression, what might this do to their ability to recognize an inappropriate advance? Adult-adolescent relationships and blatant teen sexuality are depicted as romantic and normal in such tv shows as Pretty Little Liars, One Tree Hill, Life As We Know It, Beverly Hills 90210... And what is even scarier is that adults watch this stuff, and one does not even want to imagine why they'd enjoy these kinds of shows...

Advising against television viewing has resulted in IFBs being stamped with 'legalism' tags, but when outright perversion is promoted, especially involving characters that are underage- why on earth would any Christian tolerate this stuff in their home, and why couldn't a pastor address something as important as entertainment choices and parents knowing what content/messages their child is taking in? And why would we be confused that kids are confused about Biblical morality, and is it any wonder that sexual deviants are having a field day in our society?

We should not restrict our approach to simply how to craft safety policies or report an incident, but how to deal with a societal mindset that becomes more deeply ingrained as time goes on, and societal norms always eventually leak into the church.

I have been involved with these issues for over thirty years. My experience is that Child Protective Agencies, usually a division fo the state Department of Social Services, are generally ineffective in dealing with abuse especially among the lower socio-economic classes. I have had DSS fumble a case handed to them intact. I was very disappointed and angry to see them drop an obvious sexual abuse case with evidence. On the other hand, I've seen them pursue and harass a pastor and his wife for spanking their child. There was absolutely no evidence and the state finally judged them innocent of abuse.

Here is my advice:

1. Determine the specific mandatory reporting requirements of your state. Some states mandate that the report be made to a specific agency. Other states allow reporting to police or child protection agencies but it is important to know the specific requirement for your state. Here are some helpful links in determining your responsibility:
   
   Facts about mandatory reporting
   State by State Reporting Statutes
   Summary of State Reporting Laws
   
2. If you have a choice of agencies, I would recommend law enforcement over social service agencies. Some of the social service workers appear to have an agenda. Law enforcement agencies tend to be more helpful and cooperative.
3. If you are a mandatory reporter, it is important to know and have a measure of rapport with the person to whom you make reports. Sheriff and police departments usually have an officer, typically a woman officer, who specializes in child abuse cases. Call and meet this person to learn proper procedures and establish rapport.
4. Know the mandatory reporting law in your state. Many states, such as South Carolina, use the language "a reason to believe" as a basis for reporting suspected child abuse. To make this determination, one needs to know the symptoms or indicators, including verbal indications, of abuse whether physical or sexual. It is not simply based on a feeling that someone has that a child is being abused. Also, one needs to understand the difference between abuse and neglect. The indicators are there but much abuse is going undetected because leaders and children's workers are ignorant of its signs. On the other hand, we must be careful not to get carried away to see abuse in every bump, bruise, and scrape. Finally, the worker or leader must remember that it is NOT their responsibility to investigate and determine if abuse has occurred but it is their responsibility to report it if there is "reason to believe" that it may have happened. It is the responsibility of law enforcement to investigate and charge with abuse.

Yes, Susan, thank you for bringing this to our attention. These are just the reported cases whereas I believe the majority of the cases are unreported. Although any abuse within our churches or Christian ministries is horrendous, we must realize that is much worse in the secular world. However, this is no excuse for it happening in our ministries and it is no reason for us to be less than constantly vigilant and striving to prevent it everywhere.

I commend you on having a written policy and guidelines. Also, the policy admirably meets the legal requirements. It is good legal protection for your church. I applaud this.

However, there is another factor that affects all of us who have good policies and guidelines. It is the application and the carrying out of these policies. Most people, including Christian children's workers, have a reluctance to get involved. They are naturally timid about going to the police. Although written policies are good, they are not enough to achieve action. There needs to be organizational support in helping your workers make the report. (I know, some are going to begin yelling cover-up, status quo, and circle the wagons but this is not true.) Furthermore, there is the vagueness of what constitutes "reasonable grounds." It varies from individual to individual and personality to personality. Your workers need help and advice in this area. And finally, this must be kept at a high level of awareness.

Susan, you are absolutely correct. The first step of a successful abuse prevention program is selling it to your people beginning with the board on down. The program will not work even with the best guidelines and policies if the people do not buy into it. One of my workshops is about how to get your people, from the top to the bottom, involved and on board. Upon first proposal most consider it an indictment against them. And this rant and rave publicity that we've observed doesn't help matters because it's emotionalism polarizes the people and raises fears.

For links and examples of prevention polices and written documentation, check out my FaceBook pages on prevention of child sexual abuse in Christian ministries:

The links have multiple pages with lots of good information including manual, sample documents, etc. To keep updated with new information, click the LIKE button.

Hey Roland-

You were right - there were three other policies that should have been included in my original post. I've put them all together in one Word file and attached it below; I'll remove the previous file above. Also, a quick search of Amazon for "child abuse prevention" or "preventing child abuse" yielded a bunch of good results; here are the top three or four books that look most intriguing.

*Preventing Child Abuse: Creating a Safe Place
*Preventing Child Sexual Abuse: Evidence, Policy and Practice
*Planning, Funding, and Implementing a Child Abuse Prevention Project
*Identifying Child Molesters: Preventing Child Sexual Abuse by Recognizing the Patterns of the Offenders