Marriage

Encouragement for Women Whose Husbands Have Fallen Into Pornography

^{Editor’s Note: The following article contains sensitive subject matter about sexuality. Some material may be inappropriate for children.}

Read Part 1.

by Debi Pryde

Encouragement for Women Whose Husbands Have Fallen Into Pornography

^{Editor’s Note: The following article contains sensitive subject matter about sexuality. Some material may be inappropriate for children.}

by Debi Pryde

You’ve made it through the initial discovery. You’ve made the decision to stay in your marriage and fight for it. You know life will never be the same again, but life does goes on. The routines of everyday living continue—work, school, grocery shopping, housework, cooking, answering the phone. You are going through the motions, and you are giving your best. But discouragement and sorrow might still be your constant companions. Perhaps you are looking back instead of looking forward, and you are still mourning over what you might still see as total loss.

Remember, discouragement is always rooted in the way we think—the specific thoughts we center our attention on, the “what ifs” and “if onlys” that crowd out any hope or rays of light. Yes, you may know God’s promises, but they will bring no comfort if your heart refuses to be comforted. Your heart may continue to mourn as though sorrow will somehow soothe the deep wounds that are yet so tender and sore. Oh, dear sister, there is no comfort, no joy, no healing, and no hope in the deep abyss of morbid thoughts and fears.

My wife knows when I want to eat. When she says, “I bet you want something to eat,” I don’t wonder if she has some weird link to my hypothalamus. She has reasoned. She bases this on many things that she knows about me. Among those things: 1) When I don’t eat for a while, I get hungry; 2) I hate bananas.

—Logically:

Premise 1: He wants to eat something when he doesn’t eat for several hours.
Premise 2: He hasn’t eaten for several hours.
Conclusion: He wants to eat something.

—And:

Premise 1: He does not like to eat things that have bananas.
Premise 2: This item has bananas.
Conclusion: He will not want to eat this item.

What, then, would my wife say if I have not eaten for 10 hours and there is only banana cake? If I am hungry enough, perhaps I will eat even the dreaded banana. Would that mean that the second principle and syllogism are false? No, they are still true, but in a relative sense. I don’t like bananas—generally. In fact, both conditions (“time since eating” and “amount of banana”) may be true to a greater or lesser extent.These conditions vary independently. They each may vary alone, together, or in opposite ways. I might have eaten minutes ago or days ago, regardless of whether the item I am offered is banana-free or 5 percent or 50 percent banana.

Neither of these principles is presented with the other as an exception. For instance, the second argument did not read: